voices
OREGON'S LGBTO NEWSMAGAZINE
FEBRUARY 18. 2011
Mixing Business with Leather
Across from me in a booth at Sizzle Pie is
my friend, the paradox. Ginger Millay is a
gorgeous young woman living in New York
City. She is a fantastic writer, a loyal friend
and a fabulous femme bisexual. She is also a
professional dominatrix.
“Forgive me for my ignorance of this, but
how does that work?” I ask her between bites
o f pizza.
Ginger explains: She, like many pro-dom -
mes (as those within the industry prefer to
call themselves), works for a private dungeon
and has for quite some time. The dominatrixes
in the employ o f the dungeon have regular
schedules, work spaces, even bodyguards.
Some join unions in larger cities, in order to
get sick days and health insurance.
“So it’s fundamentally like any other job?
Like the way hairdressers have stations at a
salon?”
“Exactly,” she replies, smiling demurely.
“Except that our stations have whips.”
“W hat do you do for your clients? Do you
have sex with them?”
“No sex at all. Ever.” Ginger is surprisingly
emphatic, uncrossing her legs and setting both
leather boots down on the cement floor. “A
pro-domme is not a prostitute. I have sex be
cause I enjoy sex. I do not have sex for money,
and I do not have sex with my clients.”
“Okay... but what do you do, then?”
remember to breathe
“The dungeon’s a fascinating
laboratory for learning about the
human mind, really.”
“It depends. The exchange always starts out
pretty straightforward: The client and I meet
up, chat for a while about what it is that he
wants to explore. For some guys, th at’s really
all they want, just to talk— intellectual inter
course. In New York, a dominatrix is cheaper
than a therapist!” she laughs.
“However, after we establish boundaries,
I’m in charge.” H er eyes meet mine intently.
“1 may be cheaper than a therapist, but we’re
very much alike in that we deal in psychology.
A client comes to me because he wants me to
control him, through pain and fear and coy
tricks, but most o f all through his own psy
chological makeup. The dungeon’s a fascinat
ing laboratory for learning about the human
mind, really.”
The Normal comes on the speakers. '‘Warm
Leatherette, ” I think, quite apropos. I lean for
ward, intrigued. “W hat are some o f the tools
o f your trade?”
“Well, many are the things that people think
o f when they think of dominatrixes: whips, re
straints, crazy-tall high heels. O ther things are
more obscure, like the medical equipment we
use for doctor scenes—which are surprisingly
popular—or the Wartenberg W heel...”
“W hat the hell is that?” I ask. The corners
o f Ginger’s red lips curl upward as she reaches
down for her purse, pulls out a black velvet
jewelry case, hands it to me. I snap the box
open and gasp: a stainless silver wheel with
evenly spaced needles sticking out like flower
petals, attached to an elegantly long handle.
“Give me your wrist,” Ginger states firmly.
I look down to see my palm up on the table,
my wrist exposed.
“Damn, you’re good at that,” I comment
amusedly.
“I’m no amateur-domme,”she laughs. I close
my eyes as she brings the wheel to my wrist,
feel a line o f needle pricks going up the length
o f my arm slowly. The sensation is somewhere
between an acupuncture needle and a rush o f
cold air against my skin, and a shiver runs the
length o f my spine in response.
“Well, I did not expect to experience an
S&M sex toy when I walked into Sizzle Pie
with you this evening!” I laugh, opening my
eyes. “So do you carry around the wheel in the
case people ask you about your work?”
“Well, not exactly— but th at’s a great idea!”
Ginger laughs.
“I’m interested: W hat Jo people say about
it when you tell them about your work?”
“At a party once a man asked me what I
did, and when I replied that I’m a dominatrix
his eyes got wide, and he sputtered, ‘You actu
ally tell people that?’” she laughs.
“His response unsettled me. I started think
ing: W hat if he’s right? W h at if this is some
thing I should be ashamed of?” She sets down
her beer. “W hat I realized later, though, is
that I am very proud o f being a dominatrix. I
mean, I make money doing something that
doesn’t leave me feeling demeaned or disem-
powered— and it’s always an interesting day
at work. I learn a huge amount firsthand
about what makes people tick.” Ginger is ra
diant, aglow with joy and personal power, the
brightest thing in the dark pizza place on this
Saturday night. “I give people the chance to
find out where the line between pain and
pleasure disappears— and pay my rent, too.
W hat the fuck is there not to be proud of?”
I smile widely at Ginger. “Hell, yes!” I say,
proud for my friend in her empowerment,
and take another slice o f pizza. “So, what else
you have in that purse o f yours?” JW
N ick M attos loves his frien d but w ont be
buying a Wartenberg Wheel anytime soon. Reach
him at nickmattos@justout.com. Read Ginger
Millay's adventures at GingerMillay.com.
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