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About Just out. (Portland, OR) 1983-2013 | View Entire Issue (Dec. 17, 2010)
JW 32 WWW JUSTO UT COM DECEMBER 17 2010 VOICES Bi The Way: V do not in the least underestimate bisexuality. ... I expect it to provide all further enlightenment. * - Sigmund Freud W hile I’m no Freud enthusiast, I do think that as the world becomes more enlightened, it will shift away from sexual polarity and toward bisexuality. But we are (I am) still in large a jeal ous, begrudging human race; on the whole, we aren’t there yet. Until then, here’s how lesbians view bisexu als: Either we don’t trust them and won’t touch them with a 10-foot-pole, or we don’t trust them but can’t seem to stop touching them. This sentiment also applies to “bisexuals,” those who are on a confusing layover between the hetero and homo lands. And, too, to curious straight girls who insist “you are the only girl” they’ve ever been attracted to. (I’m using the term to refer to all of the above here.) Regarding the experimental or bisexual girl, there are two types of lesbians: those who stay away and those who stay and play. “You obvi ously need to find the latter,” I told my new friend Kate when she asked the question we’ve all inevitably asked ourselves during the coming out process: “W hy don’t lesbians hit on me?” The newly lesbian or bisexual woman is often confused as to why she has such a hard time se ducing the lady of her dreams and breaking into the hot lesbonic world. I, too, felt this way when I decided to try girls on for size. All I wanted to The Reason Lesbians Don't Hit On You QUARTER- LIFE QUEERIES by Krista Houstaun When it comes to women. I never seem to learn a thing. I’ve tried to swear off the experimental stroight/biourious girl o thousand times, but it turns out she simply is my type. And I’m working on learning to trust against the odds. Like Phil Collins. do was have passionate gay sex with one of my lesbian friends, you know, to see if I was really queer—but no one was interested. I thought, I'm pretty cute, pretty smart, pretty perfect in al most every way— why w ont anyone ju st DO me?! Several years later, years of dating a variety of women—gay, bi, straight—I’ve come to clearly understand the hesitancy in dating bisexuals and/or freshly realized lesbians. I explained to Kate that it all boils down to the basic human instinct to protect ourselves. That, and poker. After the initial logic-sucking period o f lust, romantic relationships are a scary thing to fully trust; the odds of long-term heartbreak are high, the odds of long-term victory are about as low as being dealt a royal flush. And it only takes one heartbreak to know you want to mini mize, not maximize, those in your life. And those of us who have been cheated on— which, let’s be honest, is almost everyone I know— possess an even lower capacity for trust. So then, when we add to this equation the fact that dating a bisexual increases your odds of be ing cheated on twofold— as she’s attracted to 100 percent o f the population, rather than a measly 50— all this open-mindedness in whom you date seems like an idiotic idea. The odds suggest bisexuals are more likely to be a bunk hand, and if finding the royal flush is important to you, well, best to fold, right? There’s little room for bluffing when it comes to your heart. Additionally, it’s common knowledge that society prefers heterosexuality—“the norm,” as sociologists call it. For lesbians, this presents the concern of whether or not the bisexual will have her girl-on-girl fun and then, perhaps when her maternal clock hastens, retreat back to the com forting privileges and shelter of heterosexuality. It’s happened before. This all goes to say that dating bicurious or bisexual women is a gamble, as hot as they may be. God, especially if they’re hot! Many of us have learned we can’t bear the risk; it’s a task for the daring, to be sure. On the other hand, there are people like me who have learned they simply cannot stay away from those types o f women and thus have come to terms with the fact that every relationship is a potentially perilous journey. I’ve had my heart broken enough times by girlfriends running back to boyfriends that I should be able to say I know better. However, when it comes to women, I never seem to learn. I’ve tried to swear off the experimental straight/bicurious girl a thousand times, but it turns out she simply is my type. And I’m working on learning to trust against the odds. Like Phil Collins. So, to the people out there like my new friend who are in need of some girl-on-girl sexual healing but are finding it trickier than imagined, do not get discouraged. We’ve all felt down about that tried-and-true, confidently queer, smoking hot lesbian who just will not look at you, despite how amazing you may be. But for every lesbian who won’t give you the time of day, there’s another one who will give you every minute. And, hey, it always helps if you make the first move. I*] actually thinks Freud is a jerk. Say hello: krista.houstoun@gmail.com. K r is t a H o usto un Sex Toys & Advice from Brilliant Babes LEBANESE RESTAURANT w w w .itsm yp leasu rep d x.co m 1318 SE Hawthorne, Portland, OR 97214 503.235.1254 fax: 503.236.8457 3106 NE 64th Avenue, Portland 11:30 am - 9 pm M o n - S a t 503 - 280-8080 12 - 8:30 Sunday (On the corner of Sandy Blvd ft 64th) URELHURST ENTISTRY GENERAL & COSMETIC DENTISTRY Offering the latest in advanced dental technoloy: + Low radiation digital x-rays ♦ Porcelain veneers and crowns ♦ Cerec single-appointment porcelain crowns ♦ Invisalign 2 5 2 0 EAST BURNSIDE. PORTLAND. 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