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About Just out. (Portland, OR) 1983-2013 | View Entire Issue (Nov. 19, 2010)
OREGON S LESBIAN/GAY/BI/TRANS/QUEER NEWSMAGAZINE NOVEMBER 19 2010 21 l i FEATURE « C ontinued from page 20 GROUPS & CLASSES AT Q CENTER 4115 N. Mississippi A ve.. 503-234-7837 pdxqcenter.org. Classes are free or donation. The Mom’s Group Meets every other Monday, starting Nov. 29. 6:30-8 p.m. Contact Felissa Mink at 360-565-6191. Ashley Haywood likes to cite a recent study in the Journal of the American Academy of Pedi atrics that claims children who are raised by lesbian parents are more well-adjusted than the average American child. Haywood, 35, and her partner, Molly O ’Neill, 34, are professional lesbian parents o f sorts. Their business and their lives revolve around helping same-sex families. But sometimes it can be tough to be the non-bio mom, even for a pro. Rowan, a little boy of 5, is sacked out on the sofa with a tummy ache. His 1-year-old twin sisters, Ivy and Pearl, scoot feverishly across the floor, converging on one squeaky toy after another. “You can’t have ice cream because it may make you vomit,” says Haywood. “We can have ice cream tomorrow. I’m spending the whole day with you tomorrow. Won’t that be fun?” Rowan buries his chin sourly and considers his options. “I’m prepared to be brave,” he offers. “You always say throwing up is good for you.” Haywood’s constant rhythm of soothing re direction falters for a moment... According to the U.S. Census, in 2005 some 270,313 American children were living in households headed by same-sex couples, and nearly twice that were living with a single gay or lesbian parent. “It’s like there’s a baby boom going on,” says Haywood. “Everybody is having kids.” Maloys jewelry Workshop M-l 10am to 5:30pm Sat 1 lam to 5pm 717 SW 10th Ave Portland, OR 97205 503.223.4720 w w w. m a I oy s. co m That’s good for business. Both Haywood and O ’Neill are naturopathic doctors. The two own Bloom Natural Healthcare in Northeast Portland (see resources, at right) and special ize in “getting same-sex couples pregnant.” “Our friends call us ‘Mama Molly’ and ‘Mama Ash,”’ explains O ’Neill, who gave birth to all three o f the couple’s children. The two doctors have been together for 10 years and know the ins and outs o f same-sex parenting in Portland. Domestic partnership? No, it didn’t work to their advantage when it came down to taxes and insurance, claims Haywood. Adoption? Absolutely, she says. Domestic partnerships only cover non-bio- logical parents in Oregon, whereas adoption covers you everywhere (see Shineovich v. Kemp, p. 18). They are acutely aware that with two moms Rowan does not have an immediate male fig ure in the household. “We’re super aware o f Rowan having male role models,” Haywood says, noting that their extended family is full of men who help men tor the boy. Rowan goes fishing. He caught an 8-inch bass with his uncle in July. “There are people who teach him how to make bubbles when he pees and stuff.” While perhaps boys will be boys, even in a post-fatherhood family, Haywood says being the non-bio mom can be a struggle. “We grew up thinking we were going to be moms,” says Haywood, who suffers from a “A non-birth mom con stress out about her role and bonding. It's common for the non-birth mom to hove problems connecting biologically and socially." -ASHLEY HAYWOOD hormone imbalance that causes the condition Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. “It’s that primal instinct. I wanted genetically to have a baby. But it wasn’t practical.” Haywood had to contend with the emo tional estrangement, like when Rowan was born and was naturally more attached and physically connected to his bio mom. “A non-birth mom can stress out about her role and bonding,” says Haywood. “It’s com mon for the non-birth mom to have problems connecting biologically and socially.” But Haywood and other non-biological parents adjust. After Pearl and Lily were born they were bottle fed, allowing each mom to care for a baby simultaneously and helping connect Haywood to her deep maternal yearnings. The looks the moms get in public persist. People often don’t know what to make of them. But that seems like a small price to pay for the three beautiful children Haywood calls her own. So if you see her in the park in outer Southeast Portland some day, know that, yes, she’s the non-bio mom and she’s a pro. That, “and don’t call me ‘the sister. ” J K C o r n e l iu s S wart is a freelance reporter living in Portland. Read more at corneliusswart.com Commence living happily ever after. M aloys offers a fabulous selection o f antique and estate jewelry and fine custom jewelry, as well as restoration and repair services. A new women's support group for sharing ex periences of motherhood for those who are les bian, gay. bi, transgender and questioning. Van couver resident Felissa Mink says that the group is not about giving advice or counseling but more about socializing, setting up play dates and connecting with other moms who may be in similar life circumstances. The Queer Family Building Workshop Meets quarterly E-mail haywoodashley@gmail.com. This fertility workshop, presented by naturo pathic doctors Ashley Haywood and Molly O'Neill, covers in vitro fertilization, egg donation and ges tation surrogacy. The two same-sex parents [see profile, left] are fertility specialists who operate year round out of their Bloom Natural Healthcare at 125 NE Killingsworth in Portland. The Daddies and Papas Group Meets Nov. 20. Dec. 18. 10 a m.-noon Contact Matt Bosse at brodiematt@comcast.net. Focused on sharing the experiences of gay dads or same-sex families, this group specializes in gay dads who currently have young children FREE STANDING GROUPS Parenting/Pregnant Lesbians of Portland Go to Google groups and search PLOP plop.admin@gmail.com. ploppdx.wordpress.com PLOP is a group of lesbian moms and their families that gathers monthly. Founded in 2003 by four couples. PLOP has an open member ship policy for anyone to join. The group meets at member homes. Most of PLOP s activities are managed via its Google group TransActive Education & Advocacy 1631 NE Broadway. Ste. 355-7! 503-252-3000 transactiveonline.org TransActive provides support to improve the quality of life of transgender and gender non- conforming children, youth and their families. The group offers training and education, support groups, counseling, case management and ad vocacy to children and their families in the Port land area and throughout the Northwest.
