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38
WWW JU STOUT CO M
NOVEMBER 5 2010
VOICES
Loving the Sinner. Hating the Sin:
Recently, one of Dan Savages readers wrote
him a letter refuting Savage’s claim that conser­
vative Christians bear culpability for hostility
toward gays—especially LGBTQ_ youth. De­
spite evidence to the contrary, including the
spate of queer suicides, the reader’s rant: Christ’s
followers are dedicated to “true” Biblical teach­
ings; they politely disagree with homosexuality,
thus hold no responsibility for any resurgence
of bigoted hysteria. The gist of Savage’s reply
(“In Your Image”): Even polite love-the-sinner-
hate-the-sin indoctrination hastens the culture
war threatening our mere existence.
Religion is often beyond reproach. Dare
question peoples’ faiths in an invisible wish­
granting genie in the sky— sacrilege. You be­
come a crusader against freedom, a hedonist
wanting to convert the whole of society into
whores and atheists. But differentiating be­
tween personal spirituality and concerted reli­
gious oppression isn’t sacrilege— it’s survival.
I know. I lived it. I spent my impressionable
youth attending services several times a week.
The sermons, the teachings? Social commen­
tary, political agendas, a dearth of careful ex­
aminations of religious texts, holy books that
took centuries to assemble, pieced together
slowly by sundry people. Most Christians (es­
pecially extreme social conservatives) refute
this easily verifiable fact; they swear, with all
the faith they can muster, each holy text’s
LADY
ABOUT
TOWN
by Daniel Borgen
On Faoebook. a cousin
declared: “We love Daniel, but
don’t support his life choices."
All hell broke loose. (I didn't
say: I disapprove of /our closet
alcoholism and unhapp/
marriage.) This backdoor,
polite judgment will never
again roll off my back.
writer had a fireside chat with the Almighty.
The translate-the-Bible-literally people
aren’t new, although they’re often gussied up
with fancy new names (such as Tea Party, Ore­
gon Citizens Alliance). In my old Pentecostal
church, I knew them as my pastor, youth leader
and Sunday school teacher. Their obsession
with beating us over the head with fervently
anti-gay principles— and their odd emphasis
Lad/ Calls Bullshit
on gay above all else— seemed rooted in a par­
ticular agenda: creating anti-queer Christian
armies and forever sowing seeds of doubt in
vulnerable, confused queer youth.
As one desperately seeking approval from
those entrusted with my well-being, I took their
teachings to heart. My church performed dra­
matic, elaborate “altar calls,” when elders
brought me down in front of the congregation,
praying sin after sin out of me— emphasizing
masculinity, manhood. “Daniel, Jesus says your
destiny is to be a missionary. You’ll bring end­
less masses to truth, doing it with your faithful
wife beside you.” As I started to grapple with
my difference, I was terrified, hopeless.
My church called gays “filthy abominations,”
“disgusting perverts.” Preachers, sweaty and
spitting, railed impassionedly against the “vile
homosexual agenda.” And, oh yes, there were
“demons o f homosexuality.” Homelessness?
Poverty? War? Nary a mention. The preaching
still haunts me, especially when old Pentecostal
ghosts come a-callin’. Will I ever purge it?
At a recent family function, my (very) ill
aunt declared, “Be grateful, your family loves
you. They love the sinner and hate the sin.
That’s more than some people have.” A la Sav­
age, I call bullshit. Queers are under siege for
living. On Facebook, a cousin declared: “We
love Daniel, but don’t support his life choices.”
All hell broke loose. This backdoor, polite
judgment will never again roll off my back.
Choose not to love and respect who I am— not
just tolerate, then lose me. Blood isn’t the end-
all, be-all of our relationships.
And hope thrives. In high school, I realized
there was a bigger, better life out there for me.
With the help o f trusted instructors and confi­
dantes, ones who fed me literary greats and
provided me the impetus to question every­
thing, I survived— and thrived. Now I have a
beloved queer family along with straight allies
surrounding me. I know parents who say to
their children, “whomever you bring home
someday,” consciously avoiding the gender as­
signments ingrained in our culture.That is hope.
Progress may be arduous, slow, but change is in­
evitable. And it’s coming.
To any young person happening upon this:
Don’t abandon hope. There’s still plenty I’m un­
sure of, but this I can declare with utter certain­
ty: No matter who says so, you are not sick, ab­
normal or in transit to hell— or alone. Our gay
“elders” led the charge; rely on their wisdom,
their experience. Contact Q_ Center or
SM YRC— forge your own family there. Email
me, I’ll direct you. You have a long life ahead.
And you might be the next Dan Savage. * !•]
A lady recommends reading What the Bible Re­
ally Says About Homosexuality. Find it at
Powell's. Em ail daniel @ justout . com .
ALL $9.95
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