O REGON S LE SBIAN/G AY/Bl/TRANS/QUEER NEWSMAGAZINE
MAY 21. 2010
29
M
VOICES
Something Less Thon a Modern Fornii/
I’m not suggesting sex; I just want one
kiss. One measly little kiss. It could even
be on the cheek, if the lips are too much,
too soon. Or in the background, where no
one is really looking. Is it too much to ask?
I mean, Claire and Phil do it. Jay and Gloria
do it. And Dylan and Haley (those teenage
sluts)—even they do it. I t’s only fair that
Cam and Mitchell do it, too!
If you have no idea about what I’m al
luding to: (1) where have you been? and (2)
put down the paper and go find episodes of
Modern Family online. I’m not joking. I t’s
true that television is oversaturated with
crap, and I watch it next to never. But some
things, like the rise of Lady Gaga or the
return of Betty White, are too fabulous to
ignore. Modern Family also fits that bill. So
go. Right. Now. We will wait...
Now that you’ve watched the entire
season in one sitting, do you see what I’m
saying? The series’ token gay couple, Cam
and Mitchell, never kiss. They touch or hug
a few times and there is never any sexual
banter. Granted, the show’s main focus isn’t
intimacy, but a clear double standard exists
between the straights and the gays when it
comes to showing affection. Maybe this isn’t
shocking considering mainstream media’s
disastrous representation of homosexual
ity historically, but I was easily fooled into
thinking this Family would break the mold.
QUARTER-
LIFE
QUEERIES
b y Krista Houstoun
Brothers hug it out.
Frat b o /s hug it out.
Life partners-regardless
o f sexual o rie n ta tio n -
do not fu ckin g hug it out.
T h e / kiss and m ake-up.
In a recent episode, “Airport 2010,” the
disparity between the straight and gay re
lationships depicted becomes crystal clear.
When Phil and Mitchell return to the air
port and find their respective partners, with
whom each was previously arguing, both
couples embrace and spew their apologies.
This is it, I thought. Here it comes! Lay it on
him, Cam! But the camera swiftly zoomed in
on Phil and Claire getting their smooch on,
while Cam and Mitchell just hugged it out.
Smoochless, again.
Brothers hug it out. Frat boys hug it out.
Life partners—regardless of sexual orienta
tion—do not fucking hug it out. They kiss
and make up. I don’t understand why that’s
such a difficult thing to pull off, especially
for a sitcom selling itself as “modern.” It’s
not like I’m asking for a sex scene here (not
yet, anyway).
I expected more from this series. I thought
because it started out so unapologetically gay
(with the boys adopting a child), it would be
the show to follow through. Sadly though, it’s
turning out to be just another example of how
mainstream media doesn’t fairly represent us.
The show draws many of its laughs from
playing on gay stereotypes, yet it fails to offer
us adequate “normal life” coverage in return.
Perhaps this wouldn’t be such an irritation
if it weren’t the 23rd episode. I’ve been wait
ing a long time for this damn kiss, okay? And
it matters. The kiss matters because millions
of people watch the show, and they shouldn’t
be led to think that homos are admissible
so long as we publicly censor our affection.
Equality can never be achieved from that.
And while the point of the show is likely not
to start a revolution, double standard tactics
keep Modern Family from being great.
Gay couples kiss. They also grab each oth
er’s asses in public when they think no one is
looking, hold hands on walks and exchange
witty sexual innuendos. And yes, they, too,
fuck. Just like any other couple. The straight
couples in Modern Family are depicted do
ing these sorts of behaviors (well, not the
fucking—it’s a family show after all). Is it
really going to kill someone to see the dudes
kiss for .5 seconds? It would probably be less
provocative than Gloria’s double D rack on
constant display (not that I’m complaining
about that, of course...).
So why would I make you plow through
all the episodes of a program that I feel is un
just? Here’s the thing: I love this show. I des
perately want to continue loving this show. I
believe the intentions of the series’ creators
are pure, not oppressive. But I’m getting frus
trated with the lopsided representation, and
thus, my love for this new pop show is evolv- _
ing to be conditional: I need a kiss for my love
to persevere. It’s kind of a deal breaker.
Still, I remain hopeful, because it turns
out I’m not the only one who feels this way:
check out the Facebook group “Let Cam
6c Mitchell Kiss on Modern Family!” And
if Facebook can get Betty White to host
Saturday Night Live, that creepy little social
network can do anything.
Krista Houstoun dislikes television, Face-
book and most other modern '‘conveniences.”She
loves irony, Cams "Lion King” rendition and
laughter more— and fair play most. She happily
accepts love and hate mail at krista.houstoun@
gmail.com.
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