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About Just out. (Portland, OR) 1983-2013 | View Entire Issue (Nov. 6, 2009)
NOVEMBER 6. 2009 WWW JUSTOUT COM Three's Not C o m p o n /When It's A Friend With Advice D ear M s . B ehavior : D ear M s . B ehavior : me with a spoon?” Next time your friends tell After three years o f monogamy, my partner M y girlfriend and I are friends with an you about their excessive moisture, just stick and I have finally admitted that we re bored other lesbian couple, Jen and Dana, who talk your fingers deep into your throat and make and have decided to open our relationship too much and in too much detail about their a retching noise. Vomiting sounds often work sexually. W e’ve thought about it carefully and intimate sexual relationship with each other. well to curtail inappropriate disclosure, espe have created a list o f guidelines to protect our For instance, the first time we went out for cially at mealtime. relationship: no falling in love, no frequent sex dinner with them, Jen told us the detailed O r you can try a totally different tact: go with any one particular person, no unsafe sex, story about the first time they had sex, includ out to dinner with them and make sure that no rent boys, and no secrets. W e also have a together, you’re in agreement about the solu ing details about how they touched each other you and your girlfriend both keep your hands' clause that says that if either o f us changes his tion. This is a far better scenario than it would through their clothes without intending to “go under the table. Every so often, let out a slight mind, we go back to monogamy. be if one o f you suddenly wanted to have all the way,” but then it got “so hot and w et” moan and throw your head back. After a few sex with throngs o f other men and the other that they just had to “make love” even though moments o f this, announce (preferably in a wanted to keep things as they are. they were on a public beach. Dana confirmed husky voice) that you and your partner are cur W e were feeling comfortable with this agreement and ready for new adventures (both together and separately), until we told Your list o f rules is sweet and speaks o f all the gory details and went on to tell us about rently fingering each other’s hot, slick vulvas. our best friend, Tom , and he freaked out. He your devotion and your desire not to harm how much sexual lubrication Jen produces. Do It that doesn’t work to shock some sense back thinks it will kill our relationship. He told your relationship. I really need to envision this while I eat? into your over-disclosing pals, initiate a dis It’s funny, however, that ♦us a dozen horror stories about his friends you have a rule that demands that you don’t Even worse, they post detailed updates cussion about how difficult it’s been to get your whose relationships ended after they became fall in love; if you repeatedly get naked with on Facebook about their sex lives, including girlfriend’s tight ass ready to accept the nine- non-monogamous. someone you actually like, love can be difficult things like “The sheets were so wet that we had inch vibrating butt rocket you just bought for Tom succeeded in scaring us. Do you think to defend against, and by the time you’re ready to hang them outside after we finally got out her, and how you’re hoping you can train her we should stick to the monogamous status to acknowledge the love, it’s usually too late o f bed.” Do we really need to be barraged with tender orifice to accept your whole arm. quo? O r should we follow through with our to stop it. information about their sex lives? How do we I f this strategy works, your friends will get However, many couples who agree about let these friends know that we just don’t care your not-so-subtle hint and stop their inap non-monogamy do manage to get only their to hear it? We don’t want to seem like prudes propriate disclosure. However, if it fails, they’ll sexual needs met outside their relationship because we’re not prudes. probably beg you to participate in their “hot, plan to change things up? - Tired o f Monogamy D ear T ired of M onogamy : and their primary love relationship is still their Any advice would be great. Please help us. Ignore Tom, who seems to want to impose partner. In most ways it sounds like you two - Not Repressed\ his values on you. He doesn’t belong in the have planned out your departure from mo Just Bored and Maybe a Little Disgusted middle o f your relationship, telling you what nogamy like good little boy scouts, including a to do. trail o f bread crumbs to find your way back to D ear N ot R epressed , J ust B ored and the camp site if you get lost. M aybe a L it t l e D isgusted : The good news is that while you and your boyfriend are both bored with your sex lives wet lovemaking.” v f t j M eryl C ohn is the author o f Do W h a t I Say: M s. Behavior’s Guide to Gay and Lesbian Do you know the universal sign for “Gag Etiquette. Signed copies are available directly from the author. Send questions or correspondence to msbehavior@aol.com. OUTREACH »AIDS 6 HIV CAREAssist paps for health insurance premiums, prescrip tion drugs and insurance plan co-payments and deductibles for eligible people with HIV/AIDS. Program of the Oregon Department of Human Services and the Ryan White CARE Act (8 am-5 pm Monday-Friday 503-731-9029 or 800-805-2313. www healthoregon.org.) CASCADE AIDS PROJECT (CAP) educates youth and adults about HIV prevention, supports people with HIV and their families and advocates for sound HIV policy and legislation on the national, state and local levels Spanish- language assistance available (Suite 800. 208 SW Fifth Ave 503-223-5907 Oregon AIDS Hotline 8 0 0-777-2937.) CITYGUYS hosts monthly HIV testing nights at The Escape and Steam: provides free risk reduction counseling, condoms " and lube: and offers free rapid HIV testing and STD screening at the Men s Wellness Center (5-9pm Tuesdays and llam-2pm Wednesdays for HIV/STD. 5-9pm Saturdays for HIV only. 209 SW Fourth Ave 503-995-7699. cityguysGcascadeaids org.) CLACKAMAS COUNTY COMMUNITY HEALTH IN OREGON CITY offers anonymous and confidential HIV test ing and counseling for gay and bisexual men No needles' Free condoms! Call for appointment or walk-in testing times (3 30-6 30 pm Tuesday 1925 Beavercreek Road Clinic: 503-655-8971. Information 5 03-792-5 3 8 2 ) CLARK COUNTY offers free rapid HIV testing and hepati tis A and B vaccinations to men who have sex with men in ^Vancouver. Wash. (5-6:30 pm Thursday 3701 E Fourth Plain Blvd 360-397-8098 ) COLUMBIA COUNTY PUBLIC HEALTH offers anonymous and confidential HIV testing, counseling and case manage ment to anyone Se habla espahol We lend HIV books and videos and offer educational materials and free condoms (503-397-9651 or 800-299-9870.) DAILY BREAD EXPRESS provides home delivery of high- quality meals to HIV-positive individuals in need Fresh meals delivered weekdays, frozen meals for weekends Volunteers invited to inquire anytime (Mara 503-960 3822 ) ESTHER'S PANTRY in Milwaukie provides food and per sonal care items to people with HIV/AIDS. Call to donate or for services. (503-399-9699 www ourhouseofportland org/programs/estherspantry) FUZEON INFORMATION GROUP welcomes people contemplating using or caregiving for Fuzeon recipients -fa c ilita te d by experienced patients, nurses and social work ers (5:30-7 pm second Wednesday. 5525 SE Milwaukie Ave RSVP to Julia 503-230-1202. ext 235 www ohsu edu/partner- ship/fuzeon html HEALTH. EDUCATION. AIDS LIAISON (HEAL) offers infor mation about alternative views of AIDS causation and HIV testing Call for a free packet of information. (503-227-2339 bwporttcomcast n e t) MULTNOMAH COUNTY HEALTH DEPARTMENT S HIV COMMUNITY TEST SITE offers confidential testing by appointment with or without your name Some walk-in testing Sliding-scale fee Se habla espahol: other interpretation by appointment (9 am-9:95 pm Monday-Friday except 11:00-9 95 pm Wednesday 926 SW Stark St.. Sixth Floor 503-988-3775 ) walks of life (3653 SE 39th Ave 503-988-3030. ext 25703. www hivportland.org.) with HIV/AIDS. Call to donate or for services (503-399-9699 wwwourhouseofportland.org/programs/todscorner.) POSITIVE DIRECTION SERIES offers life skill workshops to people living with HIV/AIDS at Cascade AIDS Project Topics include employment, parenting, health, women s self-image and sexuality, budgeting and tenant education. (Shyle Ruder 503-223-5907. ext. 202. www cascadeaids org.) WASHINGTON COUNTY HEALTH DEPARTMENT offers low-cost HIV testing at community health clinics for guys who have sex with other guys No appointment needed Results In 20 minutes Se habla espahol. (Beaverton: 5:30-7:30 pm Monday. 12550 SW Second St. Hillsboro: 9-5:30 pm Tuesday and 9-11 am Friday 266 W Main St.) HIV DAY CENTER offers hot meals, counseling, laundry facilities, clothing, showers and hygiene supplies, computers with Internet access, phones, mail drop, recreational activi ties. massage and haircuts We are in need of volunteers to work in the kitchen, meal delivery drivers massage therapists and folks to help cook lunch to clients on Fridays Feel free to call Mara at 503-960-3822. (9 am-3 pm Monday-Friday 2991 NE Ainsworth St 503-960-3822.) POSITIVE LIVING SERIES is a seven-week self-manage ment series for people living with HIV/AIDS designed to assist you in taking care of your illness, give you skills to carry out normal daily activities and provide you with the tools to man age emotional changes. (Julia 503-230-1202. ext 235 www ohsu edu/partnership/fuzeon html.) THE LINK, a social networking group for HIV-positive gay and bi men. meets the second and fourth Wednesday of every month for social events, discussions and other outings. (209 SW Fourth Ave . 503-278-3868 thelink9cascadeaids.org.) + A L K is a five-week program for people living with HIV designed to reduce stress around talking about your HIV status and negotiating safer sex New sessions start monthly (Josh at 503-278-3869. jferrer9cascadeaids.org.) MANIFEST (formerly Q-LAND). a nonprofit men s wellness community, prevents and addresses HIV and STDs by empow ering men to pursue their wellness passions together through programs like yoga, cycling, hiking, meditation, healing touch classes, vision teams, wellness coaching, information and referrals. (503-223-8822. ext. I. www manifestpdx org ) QUEST CENTER FOR INTEGRATIVE HEALTH offers conventional and alternative health care, nutrition classes, support groups and recreational sports activities for people seeking a wellness focus to living and dying especially those living with HIV/AIDS or cancer (2901 E Burnside St.. 503-238 5203. info9quest-center org) MULTNOMAH COUNTY OFFERS FREE HIV RAPID TESTING to gay. bi and trans guys in NE Portland Se habla espahol (5-7:15 pm Tuesday 5329 NE Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd 503-988-3030.) THE RESEARCH 8 EDUCATION GROUP provides access to HIV/AIDS research trials of new drugs and therapies for people in Oregon and southwest Washington. (2311 NW Northrup St «105. 503-229-8928 ) CENTER FOR FAMILY AND ADOLESCENT RESEARCH offers free counseling for parents of drug-abusing youth 15 to 20 who refuse to go to treatment. Counseling is also available for adolescents 13-17 who have both substance abuse and depression, as well as for adolescents 15-22 who use metham- phetamine All of our programs are part of a federally funded treatment study to help qualifying parents engage resistant youth in counseling, have a family therapy focus, and are free of charge (503-293-1065 www ori.org/cfar/portland ) OHSU HIV CLINIC provides comprehensive health care for people living with HIV/AIDS Services include HIV specialty care, psychiatry, counseling, addiction treatment (including buprenorphine/suboxone). case management, same-day visits and online chart access Appointments are available regardless of insurance (503-999-8562.) THE RISK REDUCTION ZONE a program of Outside In. provides a queer safe space that offers HIV. hepatitis C and STD prevention programs; Internet resources: peer counsel ing: referrals: and support groups in a nonclinical setting (1030 SW 13th Ave 503-535-3895 ) DUAL DIAGNOSIS ANONYMOUS is a peer support program based on a version of the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous with an additional five steps focusing on dual diagnosis (mental illness and substance abuse) Meets at Live and Let Live Club (7-8 pm Friday 1210 SE Seventh Ave 503-222-6968 ) SELF-INJECTION MEDICATION SUPPORT GROUP provides a monthly education and support group for people taking anjw medication that requires self injection (Fuzeon. Insulin. Interferon. Vitamin BI2. Testosterone) or those who are considering taking those medications. Providers, care givers and support people are also welcome Group meets the fourth Tuesdays of the month from 1-2:30 p.m at Our House at 2727 SE Alder St.. Portland OR 97219 (For informa tion or to RSVP contact Julee Graven. RN Partnership Project Nurse Case Manager at 503-720-6939 or 503-913-6389 www ohsu.edu/partnership.) EXTENDED FAMILY hosts queer-friendly Alcoholics Anonymous meetings at Metropolitan Community Church of Portland. (5:30 pm daily 2900 NE Broadway 503-281-8868.) OUR HOUSE OF PORTLAND provides Oregon and southwest Washington s only network of integrated health and housing services for people with HIV/AIDS Programs include Our House (29-hour residential care). Neighborhood Housing and Care Community Services and Swan House To volunteer, contact Kathryn Siebert. (503-239-0175 www ourhouseofportland org.) PARTNERSHIP PROJECT provides services to people with HIV/AIDS. their families and those at risk. Programs include HIV Case Management: Supporting Healthy Options for Prevention (SHOP), behavior change counseling to motivate people to protect themselves and their partners: and ALL ABOUT HIV. providing basic information for people living with HIV/AIDS Se habla español. (Intake Line 503-517-3590 SHOP Laura or Kurt 503-230-1202 or 877-795-7700 ALL ABOUT HIV 503-230-1202 Positive Living Julia 503-230-1202. ext 235 www ohsu edu/partnership.) PORTLAND AREA HIV SERVICES PLANNING COUNCIL WE WANT YOU to join us in planning services for people living with HIV/AIDS in the six-county metro area This decision making body identifies needed services and allocates Ryan White Program funds annually We need members from all SOCIAL AND SUPPORT GROUP discusses HIV issues for men at Quest Center Meet other nice guys, share information and have fun. (7-8 pm Tuesdays 2901 E Burnside St., contact Arthur at 503-290-9389 ) SWAN HOUSE is a specialized adult foster care home for low- income people with HIV/AIDS who need assistance with per sonal care, mobility, medications ordrug/alcohol/mental health support (Business 503-786-9829 Volunteers: 503-239-0175 www ourhouseofportland org/programs/swanhouse ) TOD'S CORNER in Milwaukie provides clothing, household items, companion pet care, cremations and more to people »HEALTH Recovery AL-ANON GLBT IN THE COUVE. a 12-step recovery fellow ship of families and friends whose lives have been affected by alcoholism, meets in Room 19 at Vancouver Heights United Methodist Church in Vancouver. Wash (7-8:15 pm Wednesday 5701 MacArthur Blvd ) HIV* AA MEETING at Rosewood Apartments invites those in recovery who are either infected or affected by the disease (7 pm Monday and Thursday 9810 NE Sandy Blvd.) LUNCH BUNCH hosts queer-friendly Alcoholics Anonymous meetings at Metropolitan Community Church of Portland (Noon daily. I pm Sunday 2900 NE Broadway 503-281-8868 ) LIVE AND LET LIVE CLUB offers the sexual minorities com munity a safe place to find friendship, recovery and clean- and-sober activities Meeting space available for 12-step groups (1210 SE Seventh Ave 503-238-6091) MAN2MAN RECOVERY GROUP invites gay. bisexual and questioning men to explore their relationship with drugs, alcohol and compulsive behaviors, past or present Newcomers should call first to schedule an orientation (6-7:30 pm Wednesday 9225 NE Tillamook St (10 a meeting Mike Binks 503-790-0573.) POZ FOR THE CAUSE, a 12-step recovery group for anyone infected or affected by HIV or Hepatitis C who has a desire to stop the suffering associated with alcohol and drug abuse.
