42 j JUStjOUt
JANUARY 18. 2008
Kiss My Assimilation
Born (Jewish and gay) in the U.S.A.
. ell into January, we are safe to
look back and reflect on the holi
days. Growing up around a bunch
of other Jewish kids, I walked
through the mall on December
weekends and thought, “None of my friends are
in that line to take a picture with Santa, and
neither am I.” No problem. We had our annual
Hanukkah plays at school, and parties of latkes and
gifts with our families. If I came across A Charlie
Brown Christmas on TV, I’d just keep flipping
channels until 1 found something I could identify
BY MALKA GEFFEN
with. The Facts of Life usually did the trick. 1 loved
that Jo.
Nowadays, I feel deemed unpatriotic if I don’t
close. No matter how much 1 wanted it to happen,
return people’s Christmas greetings. Ever since Bill
Molly Ringwald and Ally Sheedy would never
O’Reilly decried the “war on Christmas” a few years
hook up at the end of The Breakfast Club (although,
ago, many American conservatives and progressives
hello, High Art helped heal that wound). And no
alike have jumped on the anti-political-correctness
matter how much I liked a girl, she always held her
bandwagon, ready to presume everyone celebrates
boyfriend’s hand during the movie, not mine.
Christmas or should at least pretend to since they
I couldn’t even consider expressing the desire to do
love freedom.
so for fear of becoming the rejected high school
In December, someone asked me if 1 would join
freak.
her to cut down a tree for my home. “1 don’t cele
The older 1 got, the more religious my family
brate Christmas,” I explained. “Well, that’s OK!”
became. The women at my new Orthodox temple
she said with charitable glee. “You can still have a
sat in small cordoned-off aisles on the sides of the
tree.” Gee, thanks. I overheard another person say:
prayer hall, where the men ran the show. There
“Hey, Merry Christmas! Did you know we’re
were no kids 1 related to, no kids who made me feel
allowed to say that again.7”
safe in my little Jewish bubble. None of them wore
Figuring out my hormones and identity in a het-
tween makeup or watched St. Elsewhere. And while
erocentric society was a larger battle for me as a kid.
my school friends were getting bar and bat mitz-
I could be close friends with a girl—but not too I vahs, I was getting homemade gefilte fish and an
W
Out of My Mind
unspoken lesson about my future marriage: He
would be Jewish.
So there I was, in the United States, not
Christian, not even a conventional Jew, feeling just
a tad slighted about being a girl and just a smidge
freaked out about being gay. Suffice it to say, I have
not returned to an Orthodox synagogue since com
ing out in my 20s. I have actually had quite a time
finding a place to be my gay and spiritual self. First
off, the names of religious affiliations are less than
appealing: Orthodox reminds me of orthodontia,
and a locked box, and Conservative, well, you get
the picture. Reformed Judaism, for ail its accept
ance of queer folk, is a movement so foreign to the
Judaism of my upbringing. People (women even!)
singing in English and using tambourines in front
of G-d and everybody is just not in my comfort
zone. Getting comfortable as “the other,” in any This guy is not my fan.
situation, is difficult.
Despite my best efforts to block out my religious
domestic partnership rights. Besides gratitude and
excitement, I feel anxiety about how this will play
past and assimilate properly, I keep going back for
out. Did the injunction validate my worst fears?
more. This year, a couple of friends and 1 decided to
Should I always take signs of hope and change with
visit a temple on the Friday night during
Hanukkah. The two people leading the service
a grain of kosher salt? That’s definitely been my
were a queer couple, and with guitars and har M.O. But my goal for the new year is to embrace
monies a la Indigo Girls, they led us in a Yiddish
my differences, to explain why it’s more than “OK”
song 1 hadn’t heard since my childhood. While I
I don’t celebrate Christmas and to continue fight
ing for (not fearing) the rights and recognition 1
could feel a brand new comfort bubble being
formed around me in that small group, I was hesi deserve.
tant to completely settle in.
This inability to relax reminds me of my expe M alka G effen has plenty of room in her head. Fill
it by e-mailing malkageffen@gmail.com.
rience with the pending implementation of our
Directed by Ray Elliott
Zita Jefferson, Accompanist
Mark your calendars for the
first-ever single women's
Bunco event!
Sunday, January 27 at 5:00pm
Portland’s Q Center • 69 SE Taylor St
Passion
For
Cost is $5.00, with partial proceeds going
to the Q Center. There will be cash prizes
for most Buncos, most games won and
least games won.
Sat. Feb. 9th * 7:30 PM
Bridgeport UCC * 641 NE 76th Ave.
Refreshments will NOT be provided
for this first event so please feel free
to bring along your own
beverage or snack.
Tickets $121 $10 in advance from Choir members and at:
Touchstone Coffee House* In Other Words* Music Millennium
1
Bunco is an absolutely great way to meet other single women. It's fun,
players move frequently and have the opportunity to smile and chat
Concert Sponsored in part by:
with lots of people. This is a single women's event.
For additional information visitwww.justout.com
ton justiout
J
Ellie
7 newsmagazine
SR. LOAM COMSVLTANT
*
F