46 juStOUt DECEMBER 21, 2007
Queer View Mirror
A look back at the best of 2007
ALL
SIGNS
POINT
TO
YES
ou’ll be reading plenty of Top 10 lists in
the coming days, so let me ease your
load by downsizing to my two favorites
of 2007 in various categories. It’s the
green thing to do.
Best Posthumous Outings
1. Albus Dumbledore: “Just imagine the fan
fiction now," Harry Potter authorJK Rowling joked
after revealing in October that the headmaster of
Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry had
fallen in love with Grindelwald, a bad wizard he
defeated long ago. When the silent audience burst
into prolonged applause, she added, “If I’d known
it would make you so happy, 1 would have
announced it years ago!"
2. Merv Griffin: The billionaire “died a clos
eted homosexual," according to a Reuters head
line posted five days after he succumbed to
prostate cancer in August. Griffin once dodged
the subject by remarking: “I tell everybody that
I’m a quartre-sexual. I will do anything with any
body for a quarter."
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Best Artistic Experiences
1. Longest Drag Queen Chorus Line: The
Sexual Minority Youth Resource Center staged this
ambitious event in July to raise money and to shatter
the Guinness World Record. 1 must confess that I
showed up intending to be an observer—secretly
hoping that the wet weather forecast would result in
a deluge of streaked mascara. As it turned out, the sky
was clear but the turnout was low, so my companions
and 1 were recruited to join the gang. Fittingly, 69
Best Concert Comebacks
folks participated in the milestone moves, set to the
1. Morrissey: The last time 1 saw The Smiths
tunes of Diana Ross’ “I’m Coming Out.”
frontman live, he was in a foul and surly mood at
2. Gwenn Seemel: After I interviewed the
Portland’s La Luna. Moz must’ve modified his ! talented artist for a July column, she invited me
meds (or per
back to her studio for some quid pro quo—only this
haps he’s getting
time she was asking me all of the personal ques
laid), because his
tions, as 1 sat for my first portrait.
stage presence
in a May gig at
Best Lines from My Friends
Seattle’s Para
1. Patrick: This science geek shared his
mount Theatre
thoughts on OMSI’s Body Worlds 3, a graphic
was self-effacing
exhibit of skinned, preserved cadavers leaping over
and charming.
hurdles, skateboarding and doing other creepy
2. David
things. Noting the prominent cock on display,
Lee Roth: After
Patrick admitted, “I started to get turned on!"
a failed attempt
2. Sarah: This aspiring veterinarian joined me
at a Van Halen
for an April reading by Dan Mathews, the openly
reunion in
gay senior vice president of People for the Ethical
1996—followed
Treatment of Animals. Sarah was so inspired by his
by a disastrous radio talk show in 2006—it looked I memoir, Committed, that she applied for a job at
like Diamond Dave had lost his luster. Boy, was 1
PETA; within three months, she was hired and
wrong. The 53-year-old rocker was buff and limber packing for Norfolk, Va.
during the band’s December performance at the
Now that she’s a practicing vegan, I felt the need
Rose Garden, with plenty of Vegas pizzazz to boot.
to apologize when 1 told her about my birthday steak
dinner at El Gaucho. Her response: “Don’t apologize
Best Missed Opportunities
to me, apologize to the cow!”
1. Bob Barker: A lifelong fan of The Price is
Right, I flew to Hollywood in April to chase my
Best Funny Ladies
dream to “come on down" before the 83-year-old
1. Carol Leifer: Who knew Elaine Benes was
host retired. It never happened, but at least I got
queer? The longtime comedian, who inspired the.
to ask him a question during a commercial break.
iconic Seinfeld character, spoke about her female
Did I take advantage of this once-in-a-lifetime
partner during a May benefit for Planned Parent-
opportunity to express my heartfelt adoration for
h<xxl of the Columbia/Willamette at Darcelle’s.
a television legend? No, 1 asked him why TPiR no
2. Lisa Lampinelli: As the usher led me to my
longer plays “Super Ball” and “Penny Ante," two
front-row seat at Newmark Theatre, she asked,
of my favorite games.
“You do know this is an interactive show?” 1 had no
2. Simon Rex: A friend scored me backstage
idea what was in store.
passes to Jimmy Kimmel Live, where the guests were
Like a female Archie Bunker, the insult comic
less than titillating: has-been Kathie Lee Gifford,
routinely selects token minorities out of the audience
Borat sidekick Ken Davitian and one-hit wonder
to lampoon, so I was christened as “Jimmy the
Mickey Avalon. Fortunately, Avalon brought
Faggot.” This might not amuse those who are un
along famous fan Simon Rex, the star of Scary
familiar with her shtick, but as somebody who was
Movie 3 and—more importantly for gay men
directly in her line of fire, I can say that it’s a cathar
tic experience to laugh off toxic stereotypes. ©
everywhere—Young, Hard & Solo 3. Did I
approach the hot stud to say, “Thanks, I’ve
touched myself many times while thinking of you”?
I’m not telling.
Arts and Culture Editor J IM RAIX'iSTA needs your
feedback. Write to jim@justout.com.