42 . jUStpUt
auqust
jw
Laser Hair Therapy Treats Men and Women
THINNING? BALDING?
STOP YOUR HAIR LOSS!!
* NO PAIN
Aesthetic and Anti-Aging Center, LLC
* NO SURGERY
* NO SIDE EFFECTS
Revolutionary
Laser Technology
CALL FOR A FREE CONSULTATION
ACTUAL CLIENTS • 6 MONTHS RESULTS
100% MONEY BACK GUARANTEE
503-241-3579
What's a "Stray"?
It's the latest trend: Straight men pretending to be gay
’d like to introduce you to Jim.
No, I’m not talking about myself in the
third person. 1 mean my friend Jim. Let’s call
him by his initials, JT, just for clarity’s sake.
I
When I met JT eight years ago, I was
completely baffled: He claimed to be straight, but
he would point out cute guys wherever we went
and often brag about the times that he nearly
succumbed to The Pink Side. WTF?
After receiving many mixed messages, 1 came
to learn that JT is the prototype for a new kind
of queer-friendly heterosexual male—not the
metrosexual who mimics our aesthetics, not the
bi-curious
dabbles digs
in what
our sexual
habits.
is someone who simply
we’re all
about This
and
mirrors our personality—sort of like how Eminem
idolizes hip-hoppers and pretends he’s black. As you
might know, there’s a potentially offensive word for
this that starts with a “w” and ends with an “igger,”
but I’m not gonna go there.
Instead, I’ve decided to coin a similar mashup
term for guys like JT. You take a “straight” guy
posing as “gay,” and you’ve got yourself a stray.
Naturally, the female equivalent—found prominent
ly in colleges across America—would be a stryke.
www.thriveaesthetics.com
832 NW NINETEENTH AVE • PORTLAND, OR 97209
Sexy Pants: gay for play.
Need proof of this growing phenomenon? Lixik
no further than the indie music scene.
Bands like The Snuggle-Ups—whose swan
song is approaching—have popularized the
Sweaty Homoerotic Electronica Dudes subgenre.
1 saw this duo draw so much energy out of a base
ment party a few Halloweens ago; it’s a shame
they’re going away.
•
Fear not, though, for Sexy Pants is filling
their, er, pants. 1 wasn’t certain that all of the fel
lows in this funk/new wave quartet—whose songs
include “Buttloaded”—were strays, so I contacted
lead singer TC for confirmation. “We are all quite
clearly homoerotic and homo-friendly,” he wrote
back.
And then there’s Portland’s answer to Pet Shop
Boys, The Cancer Fags. They smoke cigarettes,
but they don’t smoke pole.
In these cases, I really don’t mind seeing
sincerely sweet guys simulating our sexuality. It’s
nice to be admired.
The fear, as African Americans have already
experienced, is that our essence will be co-opted,
Jim's Closet
BY JIM RADOSTA
mainstreamed and watered down. Fer sure. Time
will tell, but I predict radical queers will make sure
we stay on the fringe.
Meanwhile, homos are so popular that we’ve
got several straight bands who are stealing our
identities. Check out this recent press release:
“Despite their name, The Lesbians are three blue-
collar men performing in the vein of The
Mummies, The Cramps and White Stripes with
a noisy garage rock sound.”
Then there are The Queers, a punk trio who
were testy when asked about how they settled on
their name. “They just wanted something that
would piss people off,” bassist B-face told WXJM.
“And it worked! We get shit from straight people
who aren’t into punk and don’t get it.... Then, the
gay community will give us shit for using the name
and say: ‘Well, you’re not really queer. We use the
name Queer Nation, and you can’t use it.’ Again,
it’s like the deal with drinking Budweiser—damned
if you do, damned if you don’t.”
Uh, yeah.
And let’s not leave out The Gays, yet another
band that falsely comes out of the closet. At least
this one’s sound is in the vein of glam superstars
David Bowie and Iggy Pop.
“The bass player was always mistaken for being
gay—construction worker, tight jeans, boots,
etc.—and he had a hard time with the band being
called this,” drummer Greg Odell revealed to me
via e-mail. “The singer, Roy Tinsel, is very flam
boyant and definitely crosses the androgynous
boundaries.”
Not sure what to make of all this, but it’s a fasci
nating trend. 1 wonder what would happen if a bunch
of fags decided to flip it around and bill themselves
as...The Straights? The Heteros? The Breeders?
Shir, that one’s taken already. ©
T he S nuggle -U ps make (me of their final
appearances during the fourth annual PITX Pop
Now! music festival, which runs through Aug. 5 at
AudioCinema, 226 S.E. Madison St. Admission is
free. For a complete schedule visit
www pdxpopnow. com.
SEXY P ants performs 9 p.m. Aug. 3 at Slabtown,
1033 N.W. 16th Ave.; 2 p.m. Aug. 21 at Outside
In, 1132 S.W. 13th Ave.; and 8 p.m. Sept. 8 at
Tube, 18 N.W. Third Ave.
T he L esbians ¡»erform with Guau Guau and Reptilian
Civilian during the Portland Radio Authority Monthly
Rock Showcase 9 p.m. Aug. 9 at Kelly’s Olympian,
426 S.W. Washington St. Admission is $5.
Arts and Culture Editor J IM RADOSTA needs your
feedback. Write to jim@justout.com.