38-iuat out ♦ January 21,2005
Rude awakening
Bitter hipsters confuse “cool” with “cold”
© 9 I >take resP°fl5llIi,itl tor their ««» «otic education.
EIM lean about waking ip and sustaining erotic energy
giving and receiving pleasure, and expressing
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t’s becoming increasingly difficult to order a
drink in this town.
I
When a club is swarming with nasty
jerks who cut in front of strangers to capture
the bartenders attention, 1 just step back and
patiently observe their inhuman nature. I’m a
lover, not a fighter.
Having lived here for 10 years, I can’t help
noticing that something is different about the
latest Portland population spurt. On one hand,
I feel like a proud parent: Our little city has
reached puberty!
At the same time, I worry that this hormon
Right next door to “POD”—a hunk
al teen-ager could start hanging out with the
of metal that represents “the
wrong crowd. 1 don’t want rhe Rose City to
infrastructure, energy and vitality of
take a turn for the worse and embrace a culture
Portland” but that looks more like a dangling
that somehow equates “hip” with “rude.”
testicle—you’ll find Aura, the new hot spot
Apparently, homos no longer have the corner
where A-Gays converge on the second Tuesday
on queeny behavior.
of every month for the Human Rights
I have nothing against hipsters. Hell, I’m
Campaign’s Salon Queue. Making the rounds
probably a hipster, assuming the prerequisites
at the Jan. 11 schmoozefest were Portland
involve funky taste in music and shoes.
Center Stage’s Chris Coleman, Wells Fargo’s
No, my beef is with hipsters who judge
Ted Fettig and Portland’s own Will & Grace:
others. You know the type: indier-than-thou,
HRC co-fbunder Terry Bean and former
t<x)-c<x)l-for-school, misanthropes-with-masters
Oregon Gov. Barbara Roberts.
who come to concerts only to talk through the
Only in Portland.
entire show and then grumble when the band
The swanky lounge was quite a change of
cuts its set short in frustration. (If you saw The
pace from the deserted Stark Street around the
Futureheads perform last November at the
comer. Vaseline Alley really needs a
Doug Fir, you’d know what I’m talking about.)
makeover—perhaps the sidewalks could he
I’ve come up with a few nicknames for this
repaved as the Yellow Brick Road? As 1 pedaled
strange subset of progressive, intelligent people
home across the Wicked Witch (she’s painted
who constantly feel the need to flaunt their
i on the bike lane near Embers), I kicked myself
arbitrary sense of superiority. Tap into your
| for not suggesting this to Sam Adams when I
inner anthropologist and let me know which
! had the chance. As Portland’s first openly gay
one you like the best:
city commissioner, can’t he just click his heels
• Scharfesel. A German term 1 coined that
three times and make it happen?
literally translates to “smart ass.”
• Snarksters. A contraction of “snarky
'X “One man. One woman.
hipsters.”
Two assholes.”
• The Blue Meanies. People who live in
—Bumper sticker sfxitted on Alberta as
blue states but still haven’t figured out that
I biked front Spank (fdbu gay-owned salon) to
we all need to get along in order to turn this
Frock (fabu vintage clothing store).
country around.
This tribe can often be identified by their
white belts and horn-rimmed glasses. Their
they could snub you at even the kindest
habitat covers a narrow swath of central
gesture. But just remember: They’re more
Portland, with a large concentration dwelling
afraid of you than you are of them. jH
behind the counters at record stores that make
money off of pop music hut that don’t welcome
Arts and Culture Editor JlM RADOSTA needs
customers who listen to it. They can also be
your feedback. Write to jim@justout.com.
found brewing overpriced java at coffeehouses
that offer “service with a scowl.”
What these people don’t seem to realize is
that when they vent dissatisfaction with their
life on others, they’re being the jerk.
When they expect others to live up to
some random standard for what’s con
sidered “cool,” they’re being the poseur.
In short, when they make others feel
bad for expressing themselves,
they’re acting like red staters.
I’m not writing this to con
demn their attitude.
I’m trying to under
stand what causes it.
Did someone hurt
them.7 Have they
given up on engaging
with society? Or are they
just closet conservatives
hiding behind an ironic
exterior.7
If you see a Scharf-
esel/Snarkster/Blue
Meanie in your midst,
approach with caution—
Portland
March 19-20,2005
Call Al, 503-493-9421
Bodq
■j’/J Electric
School
www.bodyelectrlc.org
THE TOP SHELF
ferve
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