January7.2005
38
HUMOR
............. ▼..............
A talent to amuse
hen I started this column four years
ago, I was working 60 hours a week at
a job I hated so much I wanted to
chew off my arm. I couldn’t imagine
how I was possibly going to forge a career as a
full-time writer.
audio rights soon followed.
A year later, the nutty idea of a novel about
Suffice it to say, my cup ranneth over so
teen larceny came banging on the doors of my
much I needed a mop.
subconscious, demanding to be let out and lit
What 1 learned from this experience is the
erally keeping me up at night. So even though
power of dreaming big, but starting small. My
I didn’t have the time, 1 started writing it.
little column has led to some very big things:
As a result, 1 was totally sleep-deprived for
My book, How I Paid for College: A Novel of
a year and a half. One
Sex,
Theft, Friendship and Musical Theater,
time 1 actually came
landed me in People magazine (I always knew
home from the grocery
1 was a People Person), was chosen as an
store and put a gallon of
Editors
’ Choice by The New York Times and
milk in the laundry
has been compared to both War and Peace and
room and a gallon of
bleach in the fridge.
Shortly thereafter,
I went to'a reading
given by Portlander
Chuck Palahniuk, best
selling author of Fight
Club. Like any other
fan, I told Chuck my
by Marc Acito
name as I handed him a
kx)k to sign. Then, in a moment that changed
the course of my life, he looked up at me and
said: “1 know who you are. I read your column.”
Cue the Hallelujah Chorus.
Based on the strength of the columns alone,
Chuck recommended me to his agent, who
submitted my manuscript to Chuck’s editor,
who bought the bcxik in just two days. Two
weeks later, the film rights were optioned by
Columbia Pictures for Laura Ziskin, producer of
the Spider-Man movies. The sale of foreign and
W
Columnist bids farewell
The Gospel
According
to Marc
Moby Dick— unfavorably, but at least it was
compared.
Still, I was pleased to see How 1 Paid for
College outselling How to Stay Christian in
College on Amazon and to see it posted on the
Random House Web site under Bill Clinton—
or, as I prefer to think of it, in the Monica
position.
Unfortunately, due to the increased demands
on my time (I’ve been to 16 cities in the past
three months) I’m finding it difficult to main
tain deadlines—or my sanity. So this column
will be my last. And while
there is definitely a voice in my
head that says, “Marco, don’t
give up your gay job,” 1 need to
focus on writing more books.
So let me say thank you,
dear readers, for being such
faithful followers of “the
gospel.” I’m especially grateful
to those of you who took the
time to write me, particu
larly if you sent nude pic
tures. Keep those e-mails
coming, boys.
Thank you, too, to
the editors of the papers
around the country that
carried me, especially
Marty Davis of Just Out,
who gave me my start. 1
am exceedingly proud to have been a part of
the gay press.
And most importantly I am thankful to my
own in-house editor: my husband (in Canada
at least), Floyd Sklaver, who has lovingly edit
ed (and re-edited) every draft of every piece
I’ve written—a hundred columns in all. He’s
also responsible for their distribution and book
keeping, as well designing and maintaining my
adorable Web site, MarcAcito.com. 1 wish
everyone could be as lucky in love as 1 am.
On the wall above my computer is a quota
tion from Walt Whitman. It reads, “The atti
tude of great poets is to cheer up slaves and
horrify despots.” In my own peculiar way, it’s
what I’ve aspired to accomplish with this col
umn. If I’ve managed to make you laugh as
well as make you think, then I have succeeded.
And rest assured, 1 will continue to strive to
become a queer of influence in the culture.
My parting thought to you is this: Some
times our dreams feel so huge and unattainable
we shove them in a drawer and try to forget
about them. But, if there is something in your
life you’d like to see happen, keep that goal in
sight, nurturing it little by little, and you’ll be
amazed at what you can accomplish. I am liv
ing proof that anything is possible.
Stoke the fires of your burning ambition.
Have the courage to be outrageous and
extraordinary. And, most of all, be splendid. If I
can do it, so can you.
And that, my friends, is The Gospel
According to Marc. jP!
Readers who wish to be on M arc A cito ’ s
oh-so-exclusive mailing list should write him at
marc@marcacito. com.
Come join us for the official
kick-off of .
"Socks
Thursday, January 27th
at 9:30 p.m.
Wear a jock and receive a
free room upgrade for
your next weekday visit.
Steam Portland
JAN 4-FEB 6. 2005
503 2 74-6 5 8 8
www
PCS org
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