“ ih e re is no
question flint
d et unì Ittaifnl
ninniti gè,
fin Irlir/y
neknoxct/et/get/
miti sorinl/y
snn et io net/,
ereti tes n more
soliti se use o f
fiernin nenie"
tion? The question brings to mind a
comment made by comedian Chris
R(x:k in a recent HBO special: "I
support gay marriage. Gay people
have a right to be as miserable as
everybody else.”
We Jo
1
‘ he Rev.
Casey Mofifett-
Cha
Chaney,
a lesbian who serves
w.
as senior minister for the
Portland Center for Spiritual
Growth, doesn’t think marriage
equals misery.
“The inability to make a mar
• *
riage work in no way negates the
wm
importance or positive aspects of
mm
marriage itself,” she says. “Marriage
does not create failed relationships.
Individuals create those failures.”
Moffett-Chaney recently mar
ried her partner, Berdell, in Victoria, British
Columbia, on the 21st anniversary of their
commitment to one another.
“We live in a society which, despite the huge
percentage of failed marriages, teaches us to
value marriage as a worthy endeavor,” says
Moffett-Chaney. “We grow up defining marriage
as the ultimate statement of love, devotion and
commitment any human can give to another.”
Another queer clergy member, Universal
Life Minister and Wiccan the Rev. Cort Brum
field, thinks same-sex couples should consider
marriage as a way of revitalizing the institution
as a whole.
“What a contribution we can make to our
culture," he says, “by getting married and mak
ing those marriages true expressions of love and
commitment!”
Same-sex couples as marriage role models?
: illay Christensen sits across the table
from me at a cafe. Her face is a bright,
happy moon, and her gestures are ani
mated. She laughs easily and talks about mar
riage with genuine feeling.
“My parents divorced when I was 2,” she says.
“Sure, it altered my feelings about marriage.”
Tillay (pronounced tih-LAY; call her T1L-
ee and see how fast your head comes off your
shoulders) Christensen is a 53-year-old self-
proclaimed stay-at-home parent— actually,
“domestic goddess” is her preferred term. Her
wife, Mary, is 55 and works in the Portland
Public Sch(X)ls system. (Mary requested we
not use her last name for fear o f “that one
parent who just can’t understand and can
make a whole lot o f trouble.”) O n March 4
the couple went down to the Multnomah
— thè Kcv. ( iasey
M otiett-C llianey,
let’r w ith hcr
spouse, H erdcll
: ÜW
& k¿ />
$|p|f
r , m S ¡Í
WJe m i a l i t
Building, stood in line for 4 1/2 hours and
were legally married.
The two met in 1981 at a day care center that
Mary had begun in Portland. They admit they
had feelings for each other at the time but were
involved in other relationships. Several years
later, they ran into each other on the street.
“1 remembered her,” says Christensen. “She
showed me a picture of her daughter she had
just adopted and asked me if I’d like to come to
meet her.”
Christensen agreed to meet Mary’s daughter,
and after setting the date and time, Mary said
goodbye. "1 turned to my friend who was with
me,” Christensen says, “and 1 said, T h a t’s who
I’m supposed to be with.’ ”
At first the relationship
was overwhelming for them
both. Mary’s newly adopted
child, a new relationship,
work and living apart— the
stress became too much.
"I was living by myself in a
little apartment,” Christensen
says. “IMary] said to me, about
three months in: ‘I’ve got a
kid. I’m not fcxiling around. If
we’re going to do this, move
in.’ And I did.”
That was 13 years ago.
“It was permanent,” Chris
tensen explains. “Far more so
than anything I’d-had before.”
/ i f Christensen and her
Vf wife are marriage role models, then it
seems commitment is not the product of
marriage but the requisite of it.
“After 13 years, we knew we were com
mitted," Christensen says proudly. “W e’d
been married. We even had the rings. We
got them five or six years earlier. W hen we
got married, we took them off and put them
back on each other.”
So if they considered themselves “married”
already, why was it important for Christensen
and Mary to get legally married?
Christensen’s answer is multifaceted. She
acknowledges that part of the impetus to marry
/ } / ) / } °Hy Hershey, 38, lives in Portland
/ / w*t^ her partner, Lynnae Oxley, a 34-
* * $ year-old professional chef. They met
almost six years ago in San Francisco, where
they both lived.
"It’s not quite the lesbian U-Haul story, but
in some ways it might well be,” says Hershey,
laughing.
I
Tillay Christensen and her spouse, Mary, display mementos of their wedding
*■
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Continued on Page 26
^ “ D a v id W . O w e n s -
Jew el A . Robinson
e - m a il
was a civil rights statement. But there was
something more personal, as well.
“As a family with children,” she says, “it’s also
a way of recognizing legally that there’s a com
mitment we’ve made to be a family. A validation
that we’ve never before been allowed."
Christensen leans in and says in a serious
voice: “We live in a culture where ceremonies
are a validation. To be denied that validation
because of who you love and then to have
that validation open up for us was, ‘Wow!’ ”
Christensen says she and Mary have already
“proved themselves” as capable of long-term
commitment. “But before, there wasn’t the lan
guage of ‘marriage’ to show what we were
doing. Why aren’t we allowed the same lan
guage to define our family ?”
Her eyes twinkle when she adds, “Especially
when sometimes our kind of family is more suc
cessful at it.”
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