' may 21.2004
As Massachusetts legalizes same-sex marriage, Portland queer couples grapple with saying “I do”
by Glenn Scofield Williams • Photos by Marty Davis
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re you guys getting married?”
I ask my friend this question as a kind of joke. Lately,
it’s the conversation starter that everyone—queer or
not— is compelled to ask their queer friends, especiaL
ly here in Portland. But my friend (who doesn’t want
to be named for reasons about to be made plain) has only been
dating his boyfriend for a few months, and their relationship is still
tender and fragile like a new relationship can be. So the idea of
marriage is pretty silly. Right?
“We’re thinking about it,” he says. “We’re talking about going
down and standing in line tomorrow.”
He toys with his coffee cup, and for a moment, the bursts and
bustles of the coffee shop are the only sounds breaking our silence.
Finally he smiles an ironic smile and says, “It’s such an important
moment in the struggle for equal rights.” He sounds a wee bit
defensive. “We’ve been thinking about getting married—you
know, as a political statement.”
Marriage as a political statement?
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s we wait, state by state, for the courts
from 8 percent in 1990 and 6 percent in 1980.
and the referendums and the pundits to
In 1997, the percentage of first marriages that
decide the fate of same-sex marriage,
end in divorce was 50 percent, the percentage
the questions begin to arise in our community’s of remarriages that end in divorce was 60 per­
collective conversations: Why do we want so
cent, and the likelihood of new marriages end­
badly to say “1 do”? Why is it that when the
ing in divorce was 43 percent.
rest of the country seems to be at a dead sprint
Not the greatest betting odds. The number
away from the concept of
of straight couples choosing
marriage, the queer commu­
to live together, instead of
11h v is it that ashen getting
nity is fighting furiously to
married, is also up:
embrace it? What does mar­ the rest o f the country
5.5 million^ouples in 2000.
riage mean for us?
And in case we are tempted
seems to he a t a (lead to boast that Oregon stats
Statistically speaking,
marriage is in survival
sprint aw ay from the won’t be so bad, the
mode. According to the lat­
National Center for Health
< oni e/)f o f nun ridge* Statistics reckoned that in
est statistics gathered hy the
Centers for Disease Control
1994, Oregon ranked 35th
the
queer
community
and Prevention (an irony
among the states for
not lost on any of us), the
divorces
issued—with No. 1
is fighting furiously
percentage of people who
being the lowest number.
to embrace it?
are married in the United
Which makes this queer
States is declining: 59 per­
guy wonder: If the straight
cent in 2002, as opposed to 62 percent in 1990 world, with all its cultural, political and social
and 72 percent in 1970. On top of this, the
support systems, can’t make marriage work,
percentage of all U.S. citizens who are
what good is it? Why should queer couples
divorced is on the rise: 10 percent in 2002, up
want to have anything to do with this institu-
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