17
APHRODITE
REVIEWS
M en A re P igs b u t W e L ov e
B a c o n : N o t S o S t r a ig h t
A nsw ers from A m erica ’ s
M o st O u t r a g eo u s G ay S ex
C o lu m n ist
Men are
PiGs,
But We
Love
Bacon
by Michael Alvear; Kensington,
2003; $15 softcover
Headboard” and “Kink: Putting the Fuck
Back into Fucked Up.”
Sometimes offensive, always delightful,
Men Are Pigs should be required reading for
all meat eaters.
— Floyd Sldaver
W here t h e B oys A re
ot wcxxJ? Then you’re a typical gay man. In
knots about your wcxxP Then Ask WtxxJy
or, better yet, read Men Are Pigs hut We
Love Bacon, a collection of WtxxJy Miller’s
popular sex advice columns, which appear in
more than 20 publications nationwide.
For three years, syndicated gay writer
Michael Alvear, who pens the column
“Slouching Toward Gomorrah,” has been
pseudonymously writing the entertaining sex
column “Ask Woody.” Alvear is finally identi
fying himself as WtxxJy and is “throwing cau
tion to the winds the way many readers throw
their legs in the air—with wild abandon.”
“Ask WtxxJy” was conceived three years
ago when, ironically, gay sex columnist Dan
Savage’s syndicator refused to sell his col
umn, “Savage Love,” to queer papers. When
the editor of The Washington Blade asked
Alvear to write about sex, he replied: “Fine.
Send me your cutest employees, and I’ll get
started.”
Alvear has assembled hundreds of read
ers’ letters and his hilarious answers into this
anthology of useful tidbits on gay sex, dating
and relationships. And, while his advice is
medically correct, it is rarely politically cor
rect, as Alvear delights in excoriating every
one from “Safe Sex Nazis” to “Monogamy
Mommas.”
In fact, while he’s in favor of truxJerate drug
use (“There are three things that men will
always play with,” he writes, “fire, drugs and
themselves”), he is firmly opposed to obesity
(“lard ass sex”) because of associated health
problems. He believes that everyone who is
overweight puts their health at risk but that
only “irresponsible” drug users do.
It’s a curious blind spot and one that could
damage his credibility with some readers. But,
as WcxxJy would say, “I only say I’m sorry when
I’ve done something wrong, like forgetting my
boyfriend’s name, which I unfortunately tend
to do when we’re in bed.”
Alvear’s caustic, ribald humor comes
through in Men Are Pigs (“Alcohol isn’t a
problem solver unless that problem is a
potential trick having second thoughts”),
and the book is divided by topic into chap
ters like “Safe Sex Doesn’t Mean a Padded
G
EVERY BOOK OF GAY EROTICA
< S > Bel Am i Sum m er Diary. Naked Euro-boys
w / m eat whistles aplenty. Color photo bk. $35.
•
:V 1 A U t i
illiam Mann’s fourth
htxik, Where the Boys
Are, claims to he the
first novel about circuit boys.
Let’s hope it’s also the last.
The overlong story, coming out in paper-
hack next month, takes place over the course
of a year as a group of circuit hoys (“my sisters,”
they call each other) travel from party to party
across the country. Its first-person narrative
revolves among the three maiifcharacters,
Lloyd, Jeff and Henry—all virtually identical
with similar things to say, leaving the reader to
constantly refer hack to the section heading to
remember whose turn it is.
The plot (which, considering the length
of the book, is remarkably thin) revolves
around Lloyd and Jeff, ex-lovers who have
gone separate ways hut desperately want to he
together again. Lloyd has purchased a bed
and breakfast in Provincetown with a friend
who turns out to he psychotic, and Jeff, a
bkx:ked writer, wants nothing to do with the
inn or the friend. Meanwhile, Henry is in
love with both of them.
At the same time that Lloyd and Jeff pine
away for each other, they also desperately miss
their mentor/lover Javitz, with whom they
lived in a polyamorous relationship. (While
Javitz died of AIDS complications, one sus
pects he was also bored to death by their nar
cissistic musings.)
Where the Boys Are is a particular dis
appointment after 1998’s Wisecracker, Mann’s
page-turning biography of openly gay Holly
wood film star Billy Haines. But, unfortunately,
he’s not a storyteller or a novelist. There’s
never any doubt in the reader’s mind that
Lloyd and Jeff will end up together again, and
(worse) we don’t care.
Mann has interesting theories about the cir
cuit and gay life in general, which he presents
as the interior monologues of his protagonists,
hut the dialogue never rises above the level of
aftemtx>n drama, and his characters fail to dis
play the complexities his theories imply.
— fs j n
W
Available at PSU Box office or Ticketmaster
For information: http://qa.pdx.edu4
qa@pdx.edu or (503) 725-5681
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¿Axousinq c(Lji(is
nom anlic ¿Accessories
Kink. Dirty stories about whips, feet, cuffs,
sandw iches, skin, and n o s.l & 2. Whew! $16.
Corner of Sandy and NF 04th
( S ) Barbarians. Julius’s new illustrated story
White house with picket fence
SOI 280 8080
about boys and men in ancient Rome. $27.00.
3100 \F 64th • Portland, OR 9721 3
DOWNTOWN <S 9 2 " SW OAK
A V .
Tickets
Student/Sr./Staff $7 Adv. $10 Door
General $9 Adv. $12 Door
Sc
ALWAYS IN STOCK!
©
VY M U
by William J. Mann ; Kensing -
ton, 2004 edition; $16 softcover
Saturday April 24th 8PM - Midnigh
Queers & Allies Presents
A P H R O D ITE (Queer Prom 2004)
226-8141
TICKETS:
503 274-6588
WWW.PCS.ORG
APRIL 1 3 - may 30 III! SW BROADWAY 25 & UN0ER-SI6
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