2 6 J * * * + ' tohfiiary fi, ?Q04_____________________________________________
Please don’t kill yourself
Continued from Page 24
campaign to get hack at this
bigot, Savage coined the
term “santorum"—
defined as “the frothy
mixture of lube and fecal
matter that is sometimes
the byproduct of anal sex”—and
launched a Web site to track the
word’s rapidly growing usage.
Now gather ’round as he dispenses
some words of wisdom for the lusty and
the listless in anticipation of Valentine’s
D a y 2004:
Jim Radosta: What are your feelings
about Valentine’s Day—do you see it
as a bunch of hetero Hallmark hype
or an important annual opportunity
for romance?
Dan Savage: Well, I think it never
hurts to have a reminder in the worst
part of the winter that you can generate
some heat for yourself on your own. Of
course, it’s a lot of hype and a lot of guilt
and a lot of heightened expectations and
a false standard that’s been established by
which people judge their boyfriends and
girlfriends.
But if you’re dating someone reasonable
and sensible—and let’s all hope that we’re
all dating someone reasonable and sensi
ble— they’re not going to demand that you
mortgage your house and do something out
rageous for Valentine’s Day. Just a gesture is
usually all it takes to make somebody feel
gtxxl. A gesture and a blow job. In that
order. Unless the blow job is the gesture.
JR: Do you have any
advice for our readers who
might be having trouble
coming up with ways to
spice up their next Valen
tine’s Day?
DS: Well, the one thing
that I think homos should not
import from Heteroland is this
weird association that heteros
have always made between arousal
and food—that what you should do
on Valentine’s Day is go have a heavy
dinner with a lot of wine or a bunch of
chocolate. Because then you’re going to
want to screw each other’s brains out, and
actually...you want to go to sleep! And yet
all these heteros out there in the world try
ing to reignite the spark in their relationship
are going out to dinner and sitting on their
already-enormous asses and then wondering
why they aren’t getting it on when they get
home. It’s because they’re full. They’re
already stuffed.
Beyond Borden
DS: Oh, man, that’s really
a tough one. You don’t
want to arbitrarily hurry
things along because
Feb. 14 rolled around.
You do want to let the
relationship unfold at its
own pace while also
acknowledging that this is,
you know, this day when
people are supposed to
make some sort of roman
tic gesture. And you can
make an appropriate one
based on the reality of
JR: H ere’s a dilemma
where the relationship is
that some people might he
at rather than pretending
facing: They’ve been
that it’s further along than
going out for a little while,
but they haven’t quite
Dan Savage spreads the good word it actually is....
You don’t want to scare
reached that “exclusive”
about the seven deadly sins
somekxJy off. When peo
stage. Do they treat
ple talk about being scared off, they don’t
Valentine’s Day like any other date, or
mean they’re not ready for commitment.
should they take advantage of the holiday
But it betrays a certain emotional immaturi
to move things to the next level?
ty... if you’re doing big things too soon. If
you’ve been dating for a month and a half
and you present them with a ring on Valen
“
tine’s Day, that’s going to scare the other
person off because they’re going to think you
are an idiot!
...Maybe the night you met, you bought
them a drink and they were drinking Makers
Mark on the rocks. A nice Valentine’s Day
gift would be a medium bottle of Makers
Mark.... Something obvious will present
itself if you think about it for a minute, and
then you don’t have to go the chtxrolate/
flowers/candy/card/romantic meal route,
—Dan Savage
which is boring and not creative.
JR: T here’s no room
left!
DS: One wafer-thin
mint or one great big dick
and they’ll just expkxle....
But it’s always more fun to
just go out and run around
with somebody you love and
have a gixxl time togeth
er.... That’s always my
advice. That and a new coil
of rope and a new roll of
duct tape.
You don't want
to scare somebody
off.... It betrays a
certain emotional
im m aturity...if you're
doing big things
too soon.”
it's ME!
iw ill be your Valentine?
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