january 23, 2004 »
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An excerpt from "Spider
on the Windshield"
I looked ahead, only to realize that
I hadn't noticed the curve in the road,
or the tree trunk that was now directly
in front of me, lit up like a phantom in
the glare of my headlights. I saw it
brightly lit before being swallowed in
darkness as my headlights shattered,
scattering pieces of glass. The
windshield cracked into a mosaic of a
hundred fragments.
Liza Halley and Ben Moorad founded Write Around Portland in 1998
of the queer community. This fall, in addition
to nine other locations, W RA P offered work
shops at the Sexual Minority Youth Resource
Center and through Cascade AID S Project.
SM YRC provides a safe place for queer and
questioning youth to hang out. In addition to
socializing, computer use, structured activities
and support groups, it also provides counseling,
job and health resources, and mentoring in a
dmg-, alcohol- and violence-free environment.
C A P is Oregon and Southwest Washingtons
largest community-based provider of HIV ser
vices, housing, education and advocacy.
Individuals served by these organizations
were among the 50 readers who stood up in
front of the crowd at D ecem ber’s W R A P
event to share their work. Som e were read
ing in public for the first time. For others, it
was old hat. But for all,' the W R A P experi
ence was powerful.
One of the readers was Jeff Sullivan, who
has lived with AID S for almost 17 years. He
moved to Portland from Southern California in
2002 and participated in his first W RA P work
shop in the fall of that year. “I decided to take
the workshop because I was new here and iso
lated,” he explains. “I felt the need to relate to
others living with HIV.”
The W RA P workshop did help him make
new friends, hut that’s not all he gained. “I’ve
learned that I have something of value to con
tribute. I have discovered that if a person does
n’t continue to try and say what it is burning in
their heart for them to say, they often forget
that they have something to give that others
will appreciate.”
if
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He adds: “Most important of all, though, is
that I must continue not for the appreciation
of others, but for the sense of self-worth that
comes from this process. The self-respect and
sense of achievement that I get from it are well
worth the time and effort.”
R community inuestment
**11** hat sense of self-respect and self-worth is
exactly what W RAP hopes to promote. Its
S mission statement gets at the heart of this
unique social service/arts program approach: “It
is the belief of all of us at W RAP that writing
can transform people’s lives, giving them a
sense of ownership over their experience and
pride in their ability to articulate their hopes,
fears, desires and needs. Bringing people
together to help each other find their individ
ual voices gives those people a real sense of
belonging to a community that values them.
W RA P sees that those who could use the
powers of community writing the most are
often the ones most excluded from both main
stream cultural and educational systems.”
Once people know about WRAP, they
often want to continue their involvement with
it. “The more opportunities you provide, the
more people want to participate,” Halley says.
"If you put out the effort, people will partici
pate. It’s a community investment.”
Many W R A P participants have taken
three to four workshops. Some have taken
as many as eight. Individual voice is the
The impact launched my body forward,
slamming it into the steering column.
I heard the booming explosion of smashed
metal and breaking glass, as well as the
loud and distinct crack of breaking bones
that resonated through my body. My face
and rib cage hit the steering wheel with
immense force. It felt like I'd dived off
a high dive platform into concrete.
For a second, I just sat there, wondering
how I'd just managed to hit the tree.
Then the pain came, like an overwhelming
wave of sick, bitter helplessness, and I
moaned and cried out, and slumped over in
the front seat. Though the pain was
incredible, I still focused on other
things. I lay there, looking up at the
moon in the pre-dawn sky, through the
cracks in the windshield. I got the
sensation that the whole sky was rolling
out of sight. It would start to roll
away, like the moon was suddenly sinking
down and out of sight, and then it would
come back to the center of my vision. I
felt I was watching the vertical go
haywire on a television. Despite this,
the moon was unusually stark and clear.
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