DIVERSIONS
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www.portlandspirit.aim or $20 at the dixir. It’s 21 and over,
and, if you need a snack, the hors d’oeuvre buffet is $8.
Mark Wooley turns 10
Just what
does that L
stand for?
f Showtime executives are smart, they will take the pilot episode of The
L Word and bury it deep in some vault at headquarters. They could label it
“Weapons of Mass Destruction” to ensure no one would ever, ever find it.
The cable channel’s new lesbian series premieres at 10 p.m. Jan. 18. The
“L,” of course, stands for “lesbian,” hut other “L” words fly across the screen dur
ing the opening credits to make sure this is watered down (the whole show isn’t
just about lesbians, for gosh sakes!): “Lust,” “Laughter,” “Lattes.” Lattes?
Let me suggest a few others they might add: “Ludicrous,” “Laughable,” “Lost.”
You will literally lose interest after the first 10 minutes of the pilot amid
grossly exaggerated lesbianspeak, uninteresting yet strangely still unlikable char
acters and the trivializing of serious queer issues.
Example: Promoted star Jennifer Beals, half o f the show’s LTR, is con
stantly making comments like, “ If we were a straight couple, she wouldn’t
say that,” and “You would never suggest that if we were straight.” A n often
times valid point to he sure, hut here it’s played for laughs— the easily
offended dyke who overreacts to every utterance from innocent straight peo
ple trying to treat them “ like normal.” She is responded to with eye rolls
from both the straights and the queers.
Example: Because of wanting to force every single lesbian issue into 90 min
utes, you will hear such lines as “Can you please decide between dick and
pussy!” “You are going to pickle in that self-loathing homophobia.” And, my
personal favorite: “Do you have to dress that way all the time?”
What lesbians talk like this to each other— all in one week?
Example: Reals’ character, Bette, and her partner, Tina, played by Laurel Hol
loman ( The Incredibly True Adventure of Two Girls in Love), are trying to find a
suitable sperm donor. They choose carefully, they check backgrounds, they know
when they’re fertile, they have a supportive medical professional. After a donor
Bette wants makes Tina nervous, throwing a wrench into their plans, the two mn
into a complete stranger at an art event— a straight guy— who says to them:
“The two of you are just so fucking sexy. No offense.” To which Bette replies, gig
gling, “It’s hard to take offense to something like that.”
Yeah, my partner and I love it when straight men ogle us in public. Particu
larly when they make comments like, “You need a little meat in that sandwich ?”
(Actual occurrence. We told him we were vegetarians.)
But what do Bette and Tina do? Decide to have unprotected sex with him so
Tina can get pregnant! Yes, it’s a good ol’ straight male fantasy threesome. How
refreshing in this new lesbian drama.
When the guy figures out their cunning plan, he gets so frustrated, poor
thing. “Why is it when dykes want to have sex with a guy, it’s only because they
want to steal his sperm?!” he exclaims. Hmm, I dunno, let me think about
that.. .I P S BECA U SE THEY’RE DYKES, YOU M ORON!
Good heavens, excuse me. You see, it’s just so exasperating.
Following episodes do offer a glimmer of hope, particularly the third, which
references queer history through photography and includes guest star Holland
Taylor, who is fun, even while being a hit too eccentric.
That’s really the trouble with
The L Word — it’s too everything.
There is simply too much mater
ial per episode. They’re playing
all their cards way too early. It’s
rushed, it seems panicked.
And the saddest part is
there’s some really wonderful
talent here. The fantastically
gorgeous Karina Lombard
( Wide Sargasso Sea) has the
hottest role as seductress of the
show’s “straight” girl; musician
Leisha Hailey (actually queer!),
who was so sweet in All Over
Me; and Pam Grier, the iconic
Foxy Brown (who doesn’t play
a lesbian— damn it!). Kath
erine Moennig (The Shipping
News) is perfect as the show’s
punky dyke player, Shane.
We can only hope The
L Word finds its stride, hut,
regardless, queer women will
watch every episode in hordes
because what other show do we
have? And that’s a shame,
because we deserve better.
T
I
in
It’s the age of Wade
C
an’t get enough of Portland gay actor Wade McCollum,
who plays Bassanio’s clownish servant in this month’s
production of The Merchant of Venice! Then follow
him aboard the Portland Spirit Jan. 16, 23 or 30 for his
one-man show, To the Next —A Rock Cabaret
McCollum is a local media darling for his starring
roles in the musicals Bat Boy and Hedwig and the Angry
Inch. (And because he’s damn cute.) His new show will
include songs from Hedwig as well as original tunes and
stories from his life, promising a chance to see him “up
close and personal.”
McCollum has worked with the Utah Shakespeare
an Festival, Willamette Repertory Theatre, Portland
Center for the Performing Arts Theatrefest, Oregon
Cabaret Theatre and Idaho Repertory Theatre. He is a
graduate of Pacific Conservatory of the Performing Aits
in Santa Maria, Calif., and co-founder and artistic
director of Portland’s Insight Out Theatre Collective,
which recently produced his rock musical One.
Boarding for the Portland Spirit performances is at
10:45 p.m. at the Salmon Street Springs Fountain in Tom
McCall Waterfront Park. Cruise and crooning is from
11 p.m. to 1:30 a.m. Tickets are $16 from 503-224-3900 or
he biggest hoo-hah in Portland’s art world this
month is the 10th anniversary of Mark Woolley
Gallery, 120 N.W. Ninth Ave. *210.
Known for its eclectic shows and strong community
spirit, the space has become a mainstay for talented and
maverick artists like Walt Curtis, damali ayo, Debra
Beers, the Pander brothers, Rebecca Guberman-Bloom
and many others.
Benefits and donations from the gallery have aided
some of the city’s worthiest queer-friendly organizations
like Cascade AIDS Project, Outside In, New Avenues
for Youth and Sisters of the Road Café. Generous and
savvy, Mark Woolley has held firm at a time when other
galleries have gone under.
To celebrate its success, the gallery is sporting a spe
cial exhibit titled 10 Years: One Foot After Another in
which an ever-changing grid of 12-inch gems highlight
the work of 180 artists. Check it out through Jan. 31.
And to really whoop it up, don’t miss the dance
performance at 7:30 p.m. Jan. 22 featuring three of
Portland’s most respected queer dancers: Gregg
Bielemeier, Linda K. Johnson
and M ike Barber. Proceeds
from this don’t-miss
dynamic evening will
benefit p:ear, which
serves homeless youth
downtown by engaging
them in the
arts.
“I like
what p:ear
does,” says
Bielemeier.
“It’s a smart
organization.
They realize
the power
of imagi
nation,
creation and expression. They seem to trust the results
of kids who’ve been thrown away.. .lives with heart and
souls and who need love and respect.”
Tickets to the performance are $25-$ 100 from
503-224-5475.
Don your best codpiece
V
isions of Camelot will abound Jan. 18 when Peacock
Productions and the Oregon Bears team up to host a
Medieval Feast at Darcelle XV, 208 N.W. Third Ave.
too, can he part of the fun. Just don your
costume, bring $ 15 and away you go
on your trusty steed.
Will there he a show? “Darling!
The feast IS the show!" exclaims
Peacock’s Poison Waters. All-you-
can-eat chicken, ribs, twice-baked
potatoes, com on the cob, rolls and fruit
comes with “no utensils or napkins," she
notes. “The serving wenches toss the food
about.” (Reportedly, you may purchase uten
sils for a small fee. All proceeds go to the
Audria M. Edwards Scholarship Fund for
queer students and the Friends of People
with A ID S Foundation.)
As you might guess, a variety of appro
priately themed contests will adorn the
evening, such as Grape Spitting, Belching,
Beer Chugging and Chicken S h *t Bingo,
which finds an actual chicken named
Penny “going” on a big numbered card.
Dixirs open at 5 p.m. for cocktails; feasting
commences at 6.
“I’m hoping for a knight in shining
armor,” notes Waters. “I’m tired of getting
stuck with the jesters!” JH1
Compiled by L isa B radshaw and M eg D ai y