Through adoption, foster families, artificial insemination and surrogacy,
Portland gays and lesbians are learning how to become parents
by Jodi Helmer
he decision to become a parent can be both exciting
and scary, and the sheer number of options can be
downright overwhelming.
“We believe that every adult has the right to
choose, create and structure their families,” says Bonnie Tinker,
executive director of Love Makes a Family, a nonprofit organiza-
tion in Portland that advocates for the rights of all families. “It you
want to have children, you should have a way to do that.”
i
Wrestling at home are (clockwise from above left) parents Mitch Zahn and Steve
Wagenhoffer, family friend Uncle Boh and adopted children Scott and Alex
Tinker believes that regardless of a prospec
tive parent’s sexual orientation, the fundamen
tal consideration remains the same: Are you
ready to make a child the most important part
of your life?
Once that decision is made, then it’s time
to decide which path to take, from surrogacy
and artificial insemination to foster families
and adoption.
‘‘Many prospective parents aren’t sure how
to go about creating their families and are
often daunted by the process," says Susan
Rosenthall, a clinical stKial worker in Portland
who specializes in working with same-sex a m
ples to address the issues of creating a family.
“There arc so many questions about how you
(create a family), the legal issues, how much it
will cost and where to
get the money.”
Rosenthall
believes it’s important
for people to recog
nize all of their
options and to start by
asking themselves dif
ficult questions. She
suggests prospective
parents consider
whether they want
biological children, whether the age, sex and
race of the child are important and whether
to he “out” when applying.
“Pei>ple usually start out by leaning
toward one option," she says. “O nce they
have decided which path to take, they real
ize there is a way to make it happen."
A d o p tio n
hen Barbara Rond, 45, and Qithy
Martin, 46, decided to start a fami
ly, one of their biggest questions
was how to have children. “We talked a lot
about whether we should adopt or whether one
of us should have a biological child,” says Bond.
The am ple decided insemination was a nat
ural place to start, hut after several unsuccessful
attempts, they chose to change paths and pur
sue adoption. “It was more a matter of practi
cality," explains Martin. “We didn’t want to
continue to invest time and money in a prixress
that may or may not result in a child."
After researching private adoption agencies,
the couple eventually found a gay-friendly
agency in their hometown of Chicago, and in
1994, just a few short months after filling out
adoption applications, the am ple adopted an
infant daughter named Thalia. Two years later,
Bond and Martin worked with the same agency
to adopt their son Evan.
Thtxigh the ample had little difficulty being
matched with a child, they faced numerous
challenges in becoming legal adoptive parents.
“There was no such thing as second-parent adop-
tu>n at the time," says Bond. In order to adopt,