HUMOR
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tend to think of myself as a “boy next door"
type. But then I’ll hear my voice on an
answering machine and think, “Sure, if the
hoy next dixir is Jack on Will & Grace." O n
the masculinity meter I’d put myself some­
where between Elton John and Bea Arthur.
I was a sissy from birth, hut my parents
couldn’t tell immediately because they gave me
a one-syllable name. It’s only when your
5-year-old rolls his eyes and says, “Mother, it’s
Jonathan1." that you know for certain he’s queer.
Still, despite having a lisp so pronounced I
sssssounded like I’d ssssspmng a leak, 1 was rea­
sonably comfortable with myself, happily
lolling away afternoons in my cousin H elen’s
pink hedrtx)m, coveting her faux Louis XIV
canopy bed and playing “Mystery Date."
So you can understand why 1 am irritated by
the backlash against Queer Eye for the Straight
Guy. 1 truly thought I was done wTiting about this
subject until Ron Cowen, the executive prixlucer
of Queer as Folk, actually said he found it “dis­
couraging to see gay men presented as frivolous
stereotypes.” I see— as opposed to those painstak­
ingly realistic characterizations on Queer as Folk.
(Docs no one in Pittsburgh have chest hair?)
And then some bonehead in Details maga­
zine came out with a blistering attack on Enter­
tainment Tonight fashion correspondent Steven
Cojocaru ("Is There Such a Thing as Too Gay?”
September 2005), calling the over-the-top fash-
ionista “a reprehensible throwback— pre-gay,
pre-Stonewall for that matter— a bitchy slap in
the face to the dogged, courageous men and
women who’ve fought 30-plus years to be
accepted as normal, law-abiding citizens.”
The writer, Tony Hendra (who is straight
but claims righteous indignation on behalf of
gays), goes on to say Cojo is “just what the red-
I
Sissyphobia
The debate continues
THE GOSPEL
ACCORDING
TO MARC
b y M a rc Acito
meat Republicans expect a gay man to be: flirty,
lisping, campy, dolled up in ridiculous
clothes.. .in a word abnormal"
OK, them ’s fightin’ words. This kind of crit­
icism makes me just want to wave my wand at
this Hendra guy and say: “Be gone! Before
someone drops a house on you, too.”
Increasingly, the gay community seems to
be suffering from what writer Tim Bergling calls
“Sissyphobia,” which is an irrational tear of
effeminate behavior and not, as I originally
thought, an irrational fear of Sissy Spacek.
Just look at online personals: A swishy fern is*
about as welcome as genital herpes. Some of the
listings are so disparaging of effeminate behavior
you’d swear they were written by John Rix:ker.
But nowhere is this bias more evident than
when Hendra snidely reports that Steven Cojo-
caru makes “Paul Lynde kxik like Colin Farrell."
Why does everyone pick on Paul Lynde?
Sure, he was a bitter, self-loathing, closeted
queen who told People magazine he was glad his
following was straight because “gay people killed
Judy Garland.” (I for one, was not aware of this
conspiracy theory, but I suppose it’s entirely pos­
sible that a gang of pre-Stonewall party boys
stonned Judy’s hotel room and force-fed
her prescription dmgs.)
But what the anti-
sissy faction fails to
understand is that
swishy queens are actu­
ally braver than their
straight-acting sisters
because they fearlessly
announce to a hostile
society who they are the
moment they open their mouths.
For instance, consider some of
Lynde’s ribald responses on Holly­
wood Squares:
Q: W hy do Hell’s Angels
wear leather?
A: Because chiffon wrinkles
too easily.
Q: W hat do you call
a man who gives you diamonds and pearls?
A: I’d call him darling.
Q: According to the old song, “At night,
when you’re asleep, into your tent I’ll creep.”
W ho am I ?
A: T he Scoutmaster.
This is pretty daring stuff—subversive, real­
ly— when you consider it was said during a
time when homosexuality was still considered
a mental illness. A nd Lynde’s legacy of lewd
one-liners continues today in Queer Eye’s Car-
son Kressley, who, upon watching a straight
guy feed a gcxx?y glob of chocolate to his girl­
friend, remarked, “See, in our community
th a t’s frowned upon— when you have a big
brown wad on your finger.”
Queer Eye
features a group of
“fairy godfathers”
who are cultured,
witty and well
groomed. 1 don’t
know about you,
but I can live with
this stereotype.
Plus it’s educa­
tional: So far I’ve learned to
shine silver with toothpaste, see
if a pair of jeans will fit by wrap­
ping the waist around my neck
and (most importantly) always—
always, always— apply hair
pnxluct from the Rick.
Gay or straight,
men are acculturated
to suppress, or even
despise, our feminine
sides. And while football-loving, Budweiser-drink-
ing Macho Marys do exist, I contend that those
who denigrate finger-snapping ferns do so out of
their own fear of being perceived as effeminate—a
fear as irrational as homophobia itself.
Scaredy-cats. W ho are the real sissies here?
And that, my friends, is The Gospel
According to Marc. J H
Write to M arc A c it o at marc@marcacito.com.
J u st F rie n d s V o ic e P e r s o n a l A d s
--------- --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
to respond. $1.99 per minute. Must be 18+
0 - 226 -
SEEKING MEN
LOOKING FOR 25 TO 50 yo for
dating. I am 46 yo. Meet for movie
or a drink? HIV-. Like to meet nice
stud. Box 5594 (10/17)
OLDER, VINTAGE ITALIAN male
5’8". 200 lbs., hairy, college grad­
uate, Ph. D. in Social Work,
retired. Love to cuddle, kiss. Sen­
sitive, seeks Hispanic/ltalian/Jew-
ish man for LTR. Active, good-
looking, friendly, faithful. Box
5593 (10/17)
MARRIAGE-MINDED
SGWM, widower, selling house,
moving west, looking for LTR.
Me: artist/writer. new-age, spiri­
tual with many interests. I am
HIV- and healthy, blonde, blue­
eyed, 5’10”, 185 lbs. and a young
64 yo. Looking for healthy, fun,
sensuous, commitment-minded
guy. Nonsmoker preferred. Box
5591. (10/17)
FRIENDS/LTR
5’6", 145 lbs., 32 yo, attractive
AM Enjoy travel, dining, movies,
outdoors,
dancing.
Seeking
AWPGM Personality with nice
smile a plus Box 5590 (10/17)
W M, 48 Y0, slim, cute, nice
physique, conditioned, sincerely
seeks the attention, guidance and,
if need be, discipline of older men.
Box 5589. (10/17)______________
mSKtaaSBSBmm MMMNMH
MIRROR-MIRROR
BiWM seeks submissive GM who
enjoys sharing, viewing “activi­
ties” in mirrors at my place while
we watch gay video/films together.
Daytime or early evenings are pre­
ferred. Cross-dressers welcome
Box 5449. (10/3)
IS THERE ANYONE out there that
can give/receive sensual massage
sensual massage without "going
all the way”? Can you caress, hug
and tease for what feels like
hours without the need to "cum”?
I can. Are you HWP? I am Box
5453. (10/3)
GWM, 28 YO, healthy, cute, thin
build, 5’9”. Interests include
music, cooking, hiking, camping,
travel and more. Looking for GM,
25-45 yo, with similar interests for
friendship, fun and possible LTR. I
would also like to experiment with
cross-dressing, so please be open
to the fun and possibilities we can
have. Box 5436 (10/3)
BOYFRIEND-LOVER WANTED
WM seeks feminine GM who is
submissive for intimate times at
my place, playing "dress-up” for
oral activity on your knees while I
make video/film of you pleasing
me with passion. Box 5445. (10/3)
HANDSOME, VERY HAIRY, blue
eyed, cuddly Teddy bear. 41 yo,
avid gardener, romantic, stable,
W ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊm ÊÊÊÊm tm m m ÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊKÊÊKm
NUMMI
rural homebody. Non-smoker,
animal- and nature-lover, kind,
compassionate, monogamous,
old-fashioned small town values,
seeking friendship, dating, LTR
Let’s share coastal getaways,
outdoor activities, country dri­
ves, picnics, hand-holding and
quiet, intimate evenings. Desires
similar, masculine top guy. Box
5444 (10/3)______
ROMANTIC ITALIAN
Hello, I am 5’8”, 200 lbs , grey
hair, hairy chest, arms, legs
Educated Ph. D. lives to cuddle,
kiss, very oral. Seeking Hispanic,
Jewish, Italian, French. Box
5443. (10/3)
DAYTIME LOVER
BiWM seeks feminine GM for
afternoon or daytime dates for
intimate relationship. Let’s enjoy
viewing gay videos at my place
together. You can wear your femi­
nine lingerie for role-playing, cud­
dling. fondling, oral loving, pas­
sion. I respect your privacy. Box
5440 (10/3)
WELL-ESTABLISHED GAY male
couple is looking for spice after 14
years. Both under 40 yo, looking
for 18-25 yo submissive boy(s)
for weekend encounters. We have
play-space,
sling,
etc...Leather/BDSM a plus! We:
6’2” and 6 0", very masculine,
gym-tone bodies. Both of our
faces are “easy on the eyes".
B locke d 900# A c e c s s t f Q 3 9 f t
Now you can bill JU S T FRIENDS Voice Personal Ads
to your credit or debit card. 1 - 8 7 7 - 8 0 0 - 0 2 1 3
P lace your o w n ad F R E E at
We're picky but we are seriously
looking hard. Your digital pictures
will get ours. No games please.
Box 5441 (10/3)
w w w .ju s to u t.c o m
Standard.
^bbr
A sian
B lack
B e a u t if u l B l a c k W om an
C h k is t ia n
D if f e r e n t l y A b i . ed
Thursday, October 9
F e m a le
A free movie, single women,
Y e a h , r ig h t !
party, prizes and fun!
G ay
A ll VHimrn w ritin g women are invited to
H is p a n ic
|oin Just Out lo r a im tfn party at Zefia
pnor to the Sensory IV rt rptK ins le sb ia n
B r in g m u n c h ie s
A C ray Film Festival opening night lir e
H e ig h t W e ig h t P r o p o r t io n a t e
st rerning o l lippm f the Vehet
I n S earch O f
Jo in us For a lesbian imgFei gathering From
5 to 7 pm at Zeba, 1222 SVC' Salmon
J e w is h
Finjoy appetisers, no-host har. Fun, Frivoli­
L e sbia n
ties anti a drawing tor Free pn/es'* T he
film starts T.yo p m at the ( ruild Theatre,
L o n g - T e r m R e l a t io n s h ip
S .W i»th and Taylor.
M ale
-Submission of a tree
N a t iv e A m e r ic a n
voice prisonal ait
makes you eligible For
POLYAMOROUS
p n /e drawings
P e r e n n ia l H ip s t e r
S in g l e
S e x u a ll y T r a n s m it t e d D isea se
TS-
T
r a n s sex u a l
H i m e n S t ' f k l i i u H« m e n
TV - T r a n s v e s t it e
M o re
U s u a l N o in s
No SMOKINC, NO DRUGS, NO STD’S
J u s t F r ie n d s
W
W
h it e
p erso n a ls
Y
a
wn !
W
alks
OfN
B
each
o n page 58!
Y ea r s O ld
YO
MMMMM
NNNNMN
M NM M M I M NNNNNNM M NNNNNNM i
Party before
the movie!
A-
B -
BBW -
C-
DA -
F-
F riends F ir s t -
G -
H -
H erb F riendly -
HW P-
ISO -
J -
L-
LTR-
M -
N -
PA -
PH -
*
S-
STD -