a sense of betrayal around secrets being
kept,” she says, referring to family secrets of
any nature.
A ngela exploring th a t side of
herself “as long as th ere’s no
secrets.”
In th e b e d r o o m
Opportunity for
personal growth
or all the couples, the transition affected
their sex lives, some for the better, some
not.
Sue says their sex life has improved. “We
rarely hop into bed and spend less than two
hours,’’ she says. “We’ve always had a fairly non-
traditional sexual relationship. We’ve had a lot
of sexual contact that didn’t involve penetra
tion. We do a lot of cuddling. T he quality has
not lessened.” In fact, Angela enjoys sex more,
and the quality of her orgasm has improved.
An! says that Theresa’s sex drive has less
ened since she started
hormones and that her
partner often does not
want sex. “And dang, 1
do!” Ani exclaims.
Because they have an
open relationship, Ani
knows she hits other
options, if she chixses to
act (in them. She says that
the frequency hits
decreased hut that the sex
is better now that Theresa
is more honest with herself.
“She’s more into exploring
her own sexuality and sen
suality. She’s more present
in her body,” Ani adds.
Bodies change from hormones. Pam was
attracted to Markie’s manliness and says: “We
were really hot sexually, like five times a week
ost couples say th a t h a v
ing a p artn er go through
such a big transform a
tion forced them to look at their
own lives.
“W h en you’re being c h al
lenged to look at w ho you are as
a couple, it challenges who you
are as an individual,” says Sue,
noting how h er ow n self-confi
dence has grown. A n overw eight
woman, she has started to wear
clothing th at shows off her cleav
age a little, even though she has
never worn anything like th at
previously. “I’m a b etter and hap
pier Sue because A ngela is a b et
ter and happier A ngela,” she says.
Both D evan and Brenda are
com m itted to educating others.
“W h ich is fortunate,” she says,
“because going through transition, you co n
stantly have to answer people’s questions.”
Pam knows she hasn’t quite grasped the les
son she is supposed to leam from all this. "It’s so
good to have a connection in life that you real
ly value, what does it matter if I call him she?
In the big picture it doesn’t, but I’ve got a small
part of myself that says it matters to me.”j n
M
for a year and a half....
[Now] I just don’t respond
to him the way 1 d id....
We never stopped having sex. It’s just kind of
dulled down.”
Som e people w ho change gender will also
change sexual o ri
entation. For some
couples this could
mean an end to the
relationship, hut it doesn’t have to he. Some
couples may choose to stay together and not
he sexual. Or, says W olmark, couples may
chose to explore polyamory. For instance,
Sue says A ngela has expressed a new a ttrac
tion for men. She says she can live with
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