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Madonna • Maverick/Wamer Bros. Records
Homestead Stove Company
o wonder the gays love Madonna.
T he 44-year-old, who’s got image
manipulation down to a science, has taken
on many faces that are familiar to queers: social
outcast (“Papa Don’t Preach”), religious heretic
(the “Like a Prayer” video), kinky deviant (the
Sex htxik) and musical diva ( Evita).
So, will we he able to relate to her latest
incarnation— exhausted expatriate celebrity
searching for the meaning of life.7 Let’s get to
the bottom o f this.
American Life finds Madonna in a conflict
ed, introspective it k x x L questioning religion in
the gospel-tinged “Nothing Fails” hut, just two
tracks later, tenderly begging, “Jesus Christ will
you lcx)k at me" in the acoustic “X -Static
Process." T h e instant dance flixtr classic
“HollywtxxJ” bemoans commercialism (“Music
stations always play the same sting”), while the
gritty “I’m So Stupid” blasts conformity (“I
used to live in a tiny bubble, and 1 wanted to
he like all the pretty people"). In “M other and
Father” she even analyzes her daddy issues.
(O ne track seems particularly out of place
amid all this inner exploration: “Die Another
Day," the title song to last year’s Pierce
Brosnan/Halle Berry film. As far as James Bond
themes go, the icy experiment falls somewhere
between Sheryl Crow’s forgetful “Tomorrow
Never Dies" and Lulu’s annoying “T h e Man
with the Golden G un.”)
Madonna opeas and closes the album with
blunt confessions alxxjt the emptiness of fame,
which might seem like a frivolous topic in the
post-9/11 world hut, for as noncelebs, could rep
resent society’s growing discontent with the rat
race. In the rap-fueled title track Mo’ admits she’s
become disenchanted by the American dream:
“Somehow I forgot just what I did it for and why
I wanted more.” She closes on a mellow note
with “Easy Ride,” singing, “I want the good life
hut.. .what I want is to work for it.” This is pretty
intimate stuff coming from somebcxJy who con
stantly iasists to interviewers, “I have no regrets.”
So let’s recap: interested in self-improvement,
wants to leave the United States, attracted to
Guy Ritchie. Yeah, I can still relate.
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C her • Rhino Records
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5fl1.7hS.424H
ake a good look at the Billboard albums
chart because, if you keep your eyes peeled,
you might observe, “O ne o f these things is
not like the other.” T hat thing would he
C her— hack on top with yet another hits
collection— lost among Kelly Clarkson and
T
Lizzie Maguire music marketed to kids young
enough to be her granddaughter.
O h, and a few notches away you’ll spot
C eline Dion, fresh from her much-ballyhix>ed
“retirement” at age 31. Some broads are made
o f tougher material, and C her is one of them.
(T h e precise chemical makeup of that material,
however, remains uncertain.)
1 must admit I’m not old enough to have
experienced the early part of her 38 years (!) in
the spotlight, so I lack any firsthand apprecia
tion of her “Gypsies, Tramps &. Thieves" phase.
(A phase in which, as far as I can tell, she con
verted to Native Am erican.) 1 didn’t become
familiar with the former Mrs. Bono until the
late 1980s, when she staged an impressive
comeback after a nine-year hiatus. (To jog your
memory, this is when she used dental floss for
panties and performed a duet with that
Chicago singer who has a strange underbite.)
Cher again disappeared from the airwaves for
most of the 1990s but inexplicably experienced a
career high four years ago with the No. 1 single
“Believe,” uttering inane, computer-altered vocals
like “Maybe I’m too gixxJ for you!” You go, girl.
This is when she adopted her current per
sona as an ageless disco queen who, apparently,
is bald. (1 noticed most of her ever-present wigs
are platinum blond, perhaps to remind her of
gtxxl record sales.)
Unfortunately, C h er’s output since 1999
has been as nonpliant as the plastic product
she calls skin. Mostly overproduced remixes,
her latest tunes have been unchallenging and
unremarkable.
As a result, this collection is a hit o f a disap
pointment, concentrating 13 of its 21 tracks on
material recorded since 1987. Missing in action
are two Top 10 hits— 1967’s “You Better Sit
Down Kids” and 1972’s “Way of Love”— as
well as most of the Sonny & C her classics,
only two o f which make the cut.
Also absent are oddball rarities. For exam
ple, did you know she beat Dionne Warwick to
the punch in recording the title song to the
Michael C aine film A lfie! Hey, I did my
research: C her’s version hit the charts in
August 1966, nine months before her future
infomercial competitor did.
It sure is easy to pick on Chastity’s mom,
but I must give credit where it’s due. T he Very
Best contains some singles that belong in every
collection: the disco-flavored “Take Me
Home," the shamelessly bombastic “I Found
Som eone” and the blissful “T h e Shtxip Shoop
Song (It’s in His Kiss).” J H