Pfti'lout
march 21.2003 •
Continued from Page 5
have enough courage to say “forever” in these
crazy times, whether they are gay or straight.
For families defined by love, not sexual orien
tation. Forget Married by America — I’ll he
happy when any loving couple can he married
IN America.
the sex itself. Straights, bisexuals, gay men, les
bians and even aging transsexuals like me are
valued not for their usefulness as sexual objects
but for the unique point of view they bring to a
discussion of the lifestyle they’ve chosen.
If you’ve ever desired to be part of the poly
community, or just been curious about it, this is
the time and place to put a toe (or whatever) in
the water.
R oey T horpe
J essica C aine
Basic Rights Oregon Executive Director
Portland
This is not
your father's polyam ory
Ju s t the facts, m a’am
To the E ditor :
To the
i
truly loved your article on Portland
polyamorous relationships and groups in the
Feb. 21 issue ["Three’s Company”).
Had your writer attended a meeting other
than the January one, she would have gotten
an even better picture of how diverse our local
groups really are. In addition to the expected
straight males and bisexual females, she would
have seen my partner, AenneA , and I there.
We are both M2F transsexuals. And soon we
will become an M2F threesome when we wel
come Rachel into our home.
1 have to admit I was apprehensive about
attending a group not specifically for transsex
uals. But we were welcomed with open arms
and have never had any reason to feel like out
siders. And that’s saying a lot, since I’ve felt like
an outsider my entire life.
The people we’ve met in the poly commu
nity are thoughtful, warm, loving people.
Above all, they are accepting of those whose
lifestyle differs from their own.
Long ago, back when 1 was trying to be
some sort of John Wayne clone and prove to
society I was really a total he-man and all these
feminine feelings inside me were just the result
of a bad pizza 1 ate when I was 11,1 traveled a
bit in the “swinger” or “wife-swapping" circles.
It was a world with very rigid rules and little
tolerance for anyone who didn’t fit exactly into
the usual mold of “straight male, hi female” sex
uality.
Personal opinions and honest feelings were
frowned upon, as they might get in the way of
the sex. It was a world more straight-laced and
less tolerant of diversity than the nonswinging
world.
I suspect many people out there have “been
there, done that” and won’t be joining any
more poly groups because they expect them to
be that same straitjacketing, sterile experience
that I went through with swinging in the 70s.
I want to say to those people that the Portland
poly community is nothing like that.
A Portland poly meeting is more likely to
focus on the dynamics of relationships than on
E ditor :
isa Bradshaw did an outstanding job in
describing polyamory. N o innuendoes, no
judgments, just giving us the facts as she sees
them.
It is obvious that traditional relationships
don’t work. We need writers like Bradshaw
who can write so intelligently and rationally to
help us find the answers.
Sex is such a powerful and ubiquitous drive
that it takes all the intelligence we can muster
just to have a sensible view of it.
just got a friendly e-mail from our client who
tells us her treatment is over. I consider her to
now be a survivor, and I hope she won’t need
HP again. I’ll call her volunteer team and
spread the gixxJ news.” I smiled and shed a tear
of gratitude, having met this independent,
funny, determined, frightened woman six
months ago. She made it!
Hopping onto e-mail, 1 expected those
Komen grant congratulations and found a few,
but the last e-mail was titled “sad news.” What
I read was a friendly, gentle story of the death of
a client the previous day. There were far too
many details for my tender heart, but the news
was important, and I felt honored to be includ
ed “in the loop.” I made the necessary phone
calls and e-mails and mmmaged through our
card collection. Another gcxxl day at the Ham
bleton Project.
Some days are so full. We offer a support
group for women and their families; we cele
brate the gtxxl news and we mourn the sad.
The lesbian community of the Portland area is
lucky to have such a group of generous, brave
volunteers.
Spring volunteer training takes place from 5
to 9 p.m. April 11 and from 9 a.m. to 2 p.m.
April 12. Call me at 503-335-6591 for details.
N estor P er ala
N icki E ybel
Portland
Hambleton Project Volunteer Qxirdinator
Volunteers w anted
To the E ditor :
i
ike all of us at the Hambleton Project— a
support, educational and advocacy group
for lesbians with cancer and other life-threat
ening situations— I have a life outside this
organization. On that particularly frosty Febru
ary morning, 1 soaked up my other life as a chil
dren’s book author. I tidied my Kxikshelves and
began writing a grant application. I reviewed
my hard work from the previous day and
amended my “to do” list. I understotxl my life
and felt grateful and well tended.
I called the Hambleton office from my
home phone and groaned when I heard that
seven messages were waiting for me. Too many
to attend to from home, so I pedaled to the
office. I was a bit high from the cozy morning at
home, coupled with the excitement about the
$39,000 Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foun
dation grant that Hambleton had received the
day before. 1 predicted the phone calls and the
day’s e-mails would be congratulations.
Instead, the majority of calls were about
mundane frustrations about a volunteer-run
nonprofit office. “Where are those mailing
labels?” “My name is spelled wrong on my
newsletter.” “Sign me up for the workshop."
The bright morning bliss was beginning to
fade, but the last message added some luster. “I
Iff the shoe fits...
To the E ditor :
I
am in the seventh grade at da Vinci Arts
Middle School. I wrote this for my zinc:
If the question “Are you gay or straight F
arises and you answer “I don’t have a label” or
“Labels are for food!” the average American
will flip out because America relies on labels.
Punk, goth, lesbian, prep, “Jane is trying to be
like this famous person, you can sooooo tell,”
says a Britney Spears look-alike and idolizer.
This is all a part of our everyday lives.
Here at Esidarap castle, we have created a
solution. We refer to ourselves as “lovers”—
people who love whomever their heart desires,
disregarding gender or sexuality.
Times have changed since, say, the ’50s,
when homosexuality was a mental illness and
the topic of (shhhhh) “sex” was strictly taboo.
America has experienced what you might call
a sexual revolution, with rainbow stickers on
cars and The Rocky Horror Picture Show playing
every Saturday at midnight at Clinton Street
Theater.
If you choose to label yourself, that’s great!
It makes things easier for America to process,
and you can rely on that being solid, and not be
floating in nothingness.
If you accept a label other people give you,
before doing so, decide whether that label is
true to you. If the shoe fits, wear it!
If the shoe doesn’t fit, either go barefoot,
keep on trying them until you find the right
one, or get one custom made! Using this whole
shoe analogy, I’ll say I admire other people’s
gaudy, sexy, high-heeled shoes, and occasional
ly try one on for a day or so, but I like my comfy
shoes! T h at’s what’s great about being an
actress— you can be whomever you want to be
without the reputation of yourself hanging
around!
If the no-label path is the right one for you,
know that you will be misunderstood and that
people will label you in their own little black
book, so you aren’t just a piece of loose-leaf
binder paper wafting around. No matter what
label you do or don’t have, always know that
you are you; stay true to that and be proud!!
I zzakate M c G owan
Portland
tran sition
Jo h n Fryer, 1 9 3 7 -2 0 0 3
J
ohn E. Fryer, a psychiatrist considered a trail-
blazer in the gay rights movement for appear
ing before his colleagues at a 1972 convention
in a mask to announce his homosexuality, died
of aspiration pneumonia Feb. 28. He was 65.
Fryer appeared as Dr. H. Anonymous, clad
in a full mask and wig and using a voice-
distorting microphone, before the American
Psychiatric Association meeting in Dallas at a
time when homosexuality was designated a
mental illness. “ I am a homosexual. I am a psy
chiatrist,” he said.
He then told the group that he had suffered
discrimination and had to remain anonymous
because being gay would cost him his job. At
the time, he was an untenured professor at
Temple University.
The following year, the American Psychi
atric Association’s board of trustees removed
homosexuality from the Diagnostic and Statis
tical Manual of Mental Disorders, the profes
sion’s bible. In a 1985 bulletin of the A ssocia
tion of Gay and Lesbian Psychiatrists, Fryer
wrote that the appearance was “something
that had to be done."
“I had been thrown out of a residency because
I was gay. I lost a job because I was gay.... It had
to be said, but I couldn’t do it as me.”
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