march 21.2003 » Just out 45
B oat T rip
<C&
Imagine the pitch: “OK, so we’ve got
these two straight guys, picture Cuba
Gooding Jr. and chubby Saturday Night Live-r
Horatio Sanz, both homy as hell, and they
mistakenly get booked on a gay cruise ship
crawling with homosexuals! C an you picture
it? Cuba’s after one of the few females, a hot
dance instructor, but she likes gay guys, so he
acts like a homo to get her in bed! Then—
this’ll kill ya— the fat dude gets drunk and
thinks he slept with one of the gay guys! Hys-
terical! Then we throw in Roger Moore as an
old poof, some giant penis ice sculptures,
Cuba’s butt exposed all over the place, a Span­
ish drag queen who explains how nice homos
can be once you get to know them, and some
near-misses with the boys this close to getting
blown or butt-fucked— watch that ass! Didja
ever hear such an idea? Straight guys trapped
on a queer cruise ship— think about it! T he
audience will die!”
— Gary M orris
D ead or A live : F inal
T he idea of an evil old queen running the
world is certainly attractive, but the one in this
languid takeoff on Blade Runner is just too evil—
outlawing heterosexuals, stealing their babies
and, in his leisure time, humping a statuesque,
naked, mute teen-age boy who plays the saxo­
phone. Director Takeshi Miike is known for his
insanely weird imagination, but this film, shot
on digital video and blown up to 35 millimeter,
mostly meanders through a future (the 24th
century) that’s more tedious than terrifying.
— GM
bunch of rather
unlikable young
women starting a
band is a waste of
time. Dull, un­
explored characters;
terrible acting; un­
inspiring music. There’s
some lesbian action, though, with
cute girls, and Motorhead’s Lemmy Kilmister
plays a hilarious minor character. In fact, if you’re a
Kilmister fan, it’s worth seeing the movie.
— Lisa Bradshaw
<^ >
dud, bottom of the bag
<C^> <&> only if you’re really hungry
good effort, pass the salt
< £ i T he H unted
mmmm, tasty!
<^2> D own and O ut with the D olls
Down and out is right. With the slight excep­
tion of the fun of pegging Portland neighborhoods
and hot spots (Fellini, Discourage, skate park),
this latest film by Kurt Voss (Sugar Town) about a
<^> B ringing D own the H ouse
W hat a shame Queen Latifah follows her
Oscar-nominated turn in C hicago by portray­
ing a convict who Uxisens up a white lawyer
(Steve M artin) while he tries to clear her
record. Meanwhile, she has to deal with his
filthy colleague (Eugene Levy), racist neigh­
bor (Betty W h ite) and conservative client
(Joan Plowright, who gets stoned in one of
the film’s few amusing moments).
— Jim R adosta
This solid actioner from suspense master
William Friedkin (The French Connection) features
an unhinged supersoldier (Benicio Del Toro) on a
killing spree, pursued by his aging ex-mentor
(Tommy Lee Jones). Known as the movie that
broke Benicio’s wrist— no word on
whether it became permanently
limp as a result— The Hunted's best
performance is by Portland, which
provides gorgeous backdrops from
Mount H(xxJ to various other htxxJs
to downtown for a dynamite chase
sequence. Can a city win an Oscar?
— GM
¿S'*
R ussian A rk
Director Alexander Sokurov
takes us on a dreamy journey through
Russian history, art and the spirit of a
long-buried empire’s tragic, resilient
ill
<g>
<&> 8et
big tub o ’ com
people. Moving fluidly through time and space to
an elegiac conclusion, Russian Ark was, with its
huge cast and constantly mobile camera, shot in
one single, amazing 90-minute take.
— C hristopher McQuain
T he S afety of O bjects
Queer viewers will be tempted to read the lat­
est from dyke director Rose Troche (Go Fish, Bed-
rooms and Hallways) as a cautionary tale about
the horrors of heterosexuality. Such a parade of
bitter suburban families and their godawful lives
you’ve never seen. Still, the film’s episodic style,
mostly solid acting and some edgy touches— a
boy in love with a doll and a disturbing
quasi-molester angle— keep it consis­
tently watchable, even when it’s sliding
into bathos.
— GM
All vegetarian.
All Ihe lime.
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