January 17. 200n j B * a l | 17
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n Jan. 11, D ennis j. Parker
walked down the center aisle of
Christ C hurch Episcopal Parish
in Lake Oswego, fulfilling the
dream that called him to the
priesthotxi as an 8-year-old boy who already
knew he was gay.
In completing a process that included hope,
pain, isolation, addiction and almost six years of
seminary training, he made history in the O re
gon DiiKese of the Episcopal C hurch. He is the
first gay man living openly in a relationship to
be ordained in this state— and hy a hishop who
previously had opposed the ordination of gay
men and lesbians to the Episcopal priesth(xxl.
Parker’s journey began as one of 12 children
bom into a devout Irish Catholic family in New
Jersey. His mother hoped to see one of them
become a priest. “I was always very connected to
the church,” he says, but “1 knew the church
had a different idea of who I was and could be.”
By the time he arrived at Holy Trinity Sem
inary in Texas at age 17, Parker had decided to
live a celibate life and told no one in the church
or seminary about his sexual orientation. It just
wouldn’t matter.
Liter, he learned the Dallas seminary’s rector
immediately had tagged him as “probably gay.” At
annual reviews, the man warned him not to form
any “particular friendships.” Parker had no idea
what this meant, but he felt pressured to pull away
from the friends he had made and to keep more
and more to himself. A naturally gregarious person,
he felt the torment of isolation, turning to alcohol
to deaden the pain of loneliness and confusion.
By the beginning of his third year in semi
nary, Parker was well on his way to alcoholism.
Living in a building with about 75 other men,
his unhappiness was hound to attract someone’s
A P riest F orever
Episcopal Church's Oregon Diocese ordains first openly gay man
by P atricia L. M a cA o d h a
attention. A n ordained priest inhabited the
room next to his and often heard his cries and
screams of anguish.
Soon, Parker was summoned to the rector’s
office and told he was not emotionally equipped
t o be a priest. He was released from the seminary
program and sent home.
Shattered by the swift elimination of his
planned future, Parker searched out his high
school sweetheart. W ithin three months they
were married, and he tried to forget his dream
and his orientation. Though deeply disappoint
ed that she would not get her priest, his mother
never questioned him— nor did she when, two
years later, goaded by the coming out of a friend,
Parker divorced his wife.
First he tried diversion therapy. It was a mis
erable experience, and he knew he couldn’t con
tinue it. He heard a voice tell him, “If you let
them take this away from you and you have no
attraction to women, you’ll be a dead person."
Moving in with friends, Parker fell in love
with a young man just finishing high school and
relocated with him to Boston, where he earned
a bachelor’s degree in theater arts. After the
relationship ended, he returned to New Jersey
and became the director of a children’s theater.
In 1986, at the age of 32, Parker stopped
drinking. A total of 13 years had passed since
the seminary door had been slammed shut, but
with sobriety, “my brain, my heart and my soul
began their search for spirituality.” This time,
slowly, a new door began to open.
He turned to the Episcopal Church. His new
parish had a gay priest who was living with his
lover. This caused a liturgical battle within the
church; in 1995, Walter Righter became the
first U.S. hishop in history to be brought up on
heresy charges because of the ordination. He
ultimately was cleared because “they found no
dextrine that prohibited ordination of a gay
person in a relationship.”
Parker started to re-examine his long-stifled
call to the priesthood. He also met Portland busi
ness owner Michael Sagun and moved to the Rose
City in 1997 to begin a relationship with him.
The Oregon Diocese was not famous for its
liberal attitude, and Bishop Robert L. Ladehoff
had supported the heresy trial. Yet, Parker
found St. Michael and All Angels Episcopal
Church, a welcoming congregation in N orth
east Portland, and began talking about his call
ing with the Rev. John Scannell.
In 1998, on Pride Sunday, Parker gave a ser
mon to the parishioners, calling on them “to stand
and to witness: This is a justice issue.” Uncertain
of what to expect, he was surprised to find the
entire audience “on its feet applauding.” It was a
turning point at St. Michael, forging a bond
between the congregation and its queer members.
Throughout the ordination process, Parker
t(x>k quiet time to talk to his mother’s spirit. He
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P iD A
The Rev. Dennis j. Parker (with partner Michael
Sagun) wrote in his ordination invitation, “I
approach this occasion with humility and an
incredible mixture of joy and trembling”
told her what he did and why he did it and says he
felt her presence. He knows she is proud of him for
staying the course. After all, "she got her priest,"
he says, with just a hint of mist in his eyes. J D
P atricia L. M ac A odha is a Portland free-lance
writer. E-mail her at patmac3l@juno.com.