ß.2002.
ADVICE
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S P IR ITU A LITY
Metro: Spirituality
A insw orth United C hurch of C h rist is a multi
racial, multicultural, open and affirm ing church. Sunday
worship is at 10 am; church school fo r children runs
concurrently (2941 NE A nsw orth St. 503-284-8767
aucc&leleport com.) (11 /0 2 )
Anawim Com m unity of gay men meets weekly for
Chnstian meditation and prayer (7:30 pm Thursday.
503281 -0722.) (11 /0 2 )
Compassionate H eart Sangha plays host to
weekly sittings in the Vipassana M editation Tradition at
Flanders House. (7.30-9 pm Wednesday 2926 NE
Flanders St. Jon 503-239 5 5 3 9 X 1 1/02)
C ongregation Neveh Shalom an open and pro
gressive Conservative Jewish synagogue, extends a
warm welcome to all sexual minorities Shabbat serv
ices 8:15 pm Friday and 9 am Saturday. (2900 SW
Peaceful Lane. 503-246 8 8 3 1 ) (11 /02)
C ongregation P 'nai O r (Faces o f L ight) is a
vibrant, egalitanan. Jewish Renewal congregation in
Portland Meets several times a month in vanous loca
tions. (PO Box 42187. Portland. OR 97242-0187.
503 248 4500 www pnaiorpdx org ) (1 1/02)
D ignity Portland meets for Mass on Sundays
(503 262 6947.) (11/02)
Eastrose Fellowship Unitarian Universalist a wel
coming congregation, offers Sunday service and children s
religious education at 10 30 am. (1133 NE 181st Ave..
Gresham 503665-2628 easlrose&teleport com.) (11/02)
Faith United M ethodist Church is a welcoming
community of Chnstians in Troutdale that values and
encourages all people in finding a place o f belonging in
the family of God Sunday worship at 1015 am; Adult
Education at 9 am; children and youth at 10:30 am
Wednesday Prayers 6-6 30 pm (27400 SE Stark St.
503 661 -4520.) (11 /02)
Sunday service . 730-9 pm Monday Spintual Pnnciple
Gab Group: 4-4 40 pm Sunday Rescuing the Bible from
the Right Wing Discussion Group. 4525 SE Stark Ave.
503-777-0727.) (11/02)
1500 NE 49th St.. Vancouver 360-885-9461
gmbear68@netzero net ) (11 /02)
P ortland C hurch o f R eligious Science is a liber
al. open, progressive New Thought community welcom
ing everyone to discover the spmt within. Change your
thinking, change your life1 (10 am Sunday meditation.
10:30 am service and junior church. 6 3 0 pm
Wednesday prayer circle. 3983 NE 112th Ave.
503 261-0677.H 11/02)
(10 am Sunday 4505 E 18th St.. Vancouver.
360695 1891. H 1 1/02)
P ortland Radical Faeries meet twice a month with
potlucks and circles at the full moon and the new
moon. Open to all men seeking alternative spintual
growth and community Coffee hours start 9 30 am
Saturdays at 3 Friends Coffeehouse. 201 SE 12th Ave.
(503-235-0826 otter@ pcez.com )(1 1/02)
S iste rS p irit offers women's spintuality celebrations,
discussion groups, a drumming circle, workshops and
classes Schedule of events available All women are
welcome. (Suite 102. 3430 SE Belmont St Mailing
address: PO Box 9246. Portland. OR 97207.
503-736-3297. sisterspQ teleport.com .) (11/02)
S outhm inster Presbyterian C hurch is a chal
lenging, supportive community that welcomes all peo
ple. It is the first M ore Light Presbytenan Church in
Oregon. Sunday school and nursery care (10 am
Sunday 12250 SW Denney Road. Beaverton.
503-644 2073. staff@southmm.com.) (1 1/02)
Double indemnity
M ichael Servetus U nitarian U niversalist
Fellowship. a home for the liberal religious spirit.
Hang up those golf clubs
and pull out that pot smoker
Willamette Valley: Spirituality
F irst C ongregational Church, U nited Church
o f C h rist is an open and affirming congregation offer
ing worship and church school Child care provided and
wheelchair accessible (9 am Sunday learning hour,
10 am worship 700 Manon S t NE. Salem.
503-363-3660X 11/02)
M om ingside U nited M ethodist Church is a rec
onciling congregation where everyone is welcome to
participate in the full life of the congregation (8 3 0 and
11 am Sunday. 3674 12th St. SE. Salem.
503-364-5013.) ( 11/02)
S acred S ouls honors all sacred paths, prom otes
peace and strives to create an environm ent that sup
ports and prom otes interfaith dialogue M eets at the
O regon School o f M assage. (6 30-8 pm Sunday
440 Ferry St. SE. Salem, wholhlth@ aol.com
www.sacredsouls.org.) (11 /0 2 )
YOUTH
I
Gay and Lesbian Outreach (GALO) o f St.
P hilip N eri C atholic C hurch celebrates an affirm
ing Mass followed by a social (7 30 pm Fnday. Paulist
Center. 2408 SE 16th Ave 503-231-4955 ) (11/02)
Metro: Youth
St. James Lutheran C hurch a Reconciled in
Christ congregation, welcomes all people for traditional,
liturgical worship where we expenence God's reconcil
ing love that sets all people free. (9 and 11 am Sunday
1315 SW Park Ave 503 227-2439.) (11 /02)
Flavors, a program of MultiQueer and Brother to
Brother, is a social support group for sexual mmonty
youth of color 24 and younger. Meets every other
Sunday for food and socializing Regular events and
activities. (Des 503-228-3892 or des@lmfamily org.
Stephan 503-417-7991 or hey_stephan@hotmail com.)
St. Stephen's Episcopal C hurch has been wel
coming all people since 1863 (12 10 pm Wednesday
and 7 45 and 10 am Sunday Sunday school and child
(
11 / 02 )
The Gay, Lesbian and S traight Education
N etw ork (GLSEN) fights to end anti-gay bias in
K-12 schools. (12700 SW North Dakota St.. Suite 180.
4129. Tigard. OR 97223. 503-525-1177.
glsen@glsenoregon org www glsenoregon. o rg )
( 11 / 02 )
M ultiQ ueer a program of Love Makes a Family, pro
vides advocacy to sexual minonty youth. Offers
resources and support in the community and the school
systems, with a focus on support for youth of color.
(Des 503 228-3892 des@lmfamily org ) (11/02)
O utside In operates a clinic for anyone who can't
qualify for the Oregon Health Plan as well as needle
exchange services that include those who inject hor
mones. Can provide transitional housing for youth 20
and younger as well as for those HIV+ and younger
than 23 Also plays host to VOICES (Voices of
Individual and Community Empowerment from the
Streets), a self-support group for queer youth Needs
volunteers of all ages. (10 am-6 pm Moriday-Fnday
1132 SW 13th Ave 503-535-3800.
www.outsidem.org.) (11/02)
Vanguard Youth Services, a program of Cascadia
The Alberta Street Fair, complete with doggie and bicycle parade, hits the
Northeast artsy urban oasis Sept. 14
F irst U nitarian C hurch o f P ortland is an open
and affirming liberal religious community offenng a wide
range of programs to nurture spintual growth, commu
nity and social justice. Sunday service 10 am.
(1011 SW 12th Ave 503-228 6389
www firstumtananportland o rg ) (11/02)
F irst United M ethodist Church o f P ortland, a
welcoming and reconciling congregation, believes no
one is left out in God's family. Sexual mmonty potlucks
held monthly (10:30 am Sunday. 1838 SW Jefferson
St 503-228-3195. www fum cpdx.org.) (11/02)
Grace Space is a New Thought spintual center dedi
cated to offenng ways to experience Spirit Sunday
evening celebrations with Rev Stephanie Torres,
Conscious Breathing experiences. Chanting. Healing
Services. Meditation classes and a miracles study
group (5 pm Bndgeport Community Church. 621 NE
76th Ave 503 287 3216 )0 1 /0 2 )
In te g rity is a group o f GLBT Episcopalians and
fnends Vanous locations throughout Oregon (Bruce
Mason. Regional Director. 503-2 8 6 9 1 11 or
brucepdxor@attbi com www mtegntyusa org )(1 1/02)
Interfaith Spiritual Canter. Spintual directors from
vanous worid rekgrous traditions are available for guidance,
classes and retreats (Second Floor. 3918 SE 11th Ave
5032332026. ext 3 www mterfaithspintualcenter com )
( 11 / 02 )
Matanoia Paaca Com m unity U nited M ethod I at
Church is a "house church," bnnging gay and straight
together (Daily prayer 7 20 am. Sunday gathenng
5 pm. 2116 NE 18th Ave 5 0 3 28 1 3 6 9 7
www tearsoup com/m etanoia )(1 1/02)
M etropolitan C om m unity C hurch o f Portland
holds ecumenical Sunday morning worship services at
9 and 11 am Sunday school for children is held dunng
the 11 am worship service (2400 NE Broadway
503 281 8868 mfoOmccportland c o m ) (11 /02)
P ortland C anter fo r S p iritu a l G row th m the
Unity Church building invites you to celebrate your spir
ituality with the Revs Casey and Berde* M offett
Chaney Liberal, practical: all are welcome (5 pm
care at 10 am. Southwest 13th Avenue at Clay S treet
503-223-6424) (11102)
W averiy Heights Church (UCC) is open and
affirming with worship, children's school and child care.
(10 am Sunday 3300 SE Woodward St 503-238-1337.
www waverfyucc.org.) (11 / 02 )
W y'east U nitarian U niversalist Congregation
is an open and liberal religious community offenng inter-
generational services and religious education for chil
dren. It welcomes gay. lesbian, bi and trans members
Nurtures spintual growth and promotes Irving by
Unitanan Universalist pnnciples. (4 pm Sunday
3915 SE Steele S t 503-777-3704
wwwwyeast pnwd uua.org ) (11 /02)
Zion U nited C hurch o f C h rist an open and
affirming congregation, is open to gay. lesbian, bi. trans
and heterosexual people who wish to worship in a
Christ-centered, warm, canng. m ultiage/race/cultural
faith community. (11 am Sunday 2025 NE 23rd A v e .
Gresham 503 665 8 7 4 1 .) (11/02)
Washington; Spirituality
Abundant Life Center. A New Thought Community
for spintual awakening, transforming lives through love
A safe place where children team to embody spintual
pnnciples (10 am Sunday 10009 NE Ninth A v e .
Vancouver. 360-573 2 6 2 6 X 1 1 /0 2 )
Behavioral HealthCare. offers support and recreation to
gay. lesbian, b and trans kids 23 and younger.
Programs include Clackamas County Sexual
M in o rity Youth Connection (COSM YO pro
vides opportunities for queer and questioning kids to
get together for free, fun and supportive social activi
ties Also one-on-one support and referrals to
Clackamas County service providers. (5 03-969-0060
cosmycyouth@yahoo co m ) Expression is a free
art/expression support group in Gresham for queer
youth Hang out and have fun every Friday1 (Jonathan
503872-9664. ext. 28 ) Pride P roject bnngs togeth
er Washington County queer and questioning youth to
plan and attend monthly social events. Also information,
referral and advocacy services m Washington County.
(M olly 503260-5792 molly@pndeproiect o rg ) Sexual
M in o rity Youth Recreation C enter (SMYRC)
offers drop-in computer access, pool tables and an
informal place to hang out Weekly youth support
groups includes Trans Youth Group and Personal D oty
Proxy (a creative group) (4-8 pm Monday and
Wednesday. 4 pm-midnight Fnday and Siaturday
2100 SE Belmont St 503-8729664 TTY
503-231-9286 www sm yrc.org:) Youth HIV/STD
Prevention P roject provides fun and educational
programs along with counseling and testing to queer
youth in a friendly, relaxed environment
( 503-872 9664 ) ( 11 / 02 )
Washington: Youth
Triple Point offers education, support and advocacy
to gay. lesbian, b . trans and questioning youth m
Vancouver, Wash Meets 6-8 pm Tuesdays m the base
ment of Youth House. 1112 Columbia St. m Vancouver
(John 360 6 9 5 -1 3 2 5 )( 11/02)
East Vancouver U nited M ethodist Church.
Reconciling, welcoming (10 am Sunday
5701 M acArthur Bfvd 360693 4761
ourclarkcounty Columbian c o m /2 7 3 /) (11 /02)
F irst C ongregational C hurch, United Church
o f C hrist. Two Sunday services, traditional and "less
traditional" in an open and affirm ing congregation
(1220 NE 68th S t. Vancouver 360 693 1476
vanuccQaol co m ) (11 /02)
God's Holy T erritory. A spmt Med worship expen
ence. seeking God for holiness and wholeness For
gay. lesbian, b . trans and straight Everyone welcome1
( I I am Sunday. 7 pm Thursday Bible study and prayer
Willamette Valley: Youth
Gey, Lesbian, Bi, Transgender and Questioning
Youth Group for ages 13 to 18 offers support, nfor
mation and fun in Eugene Free, confidential, adult fa ci-
tated (Drop x) 4-6 pm Friday Amazon Community
Center. 2700H4yardSt 541684 3 4 6 6 )(1 1/02)
Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender Youth
Group for ages 25 and younger meets every Monday
xi Eugene (5 pm Komona Center. 1414 Knead St
541 346-1 134) (11/02)
D ear M s . B ehavior :
One day, out of
boredom, 1 pretended
to be someone else
and e-mailed my
boyfriend, Gregg. 1
created a whole per
sona for myself called
“Lyle.”
Lyle is far more
adventurous and
artistic than I am.
(I’m a lawyer who
plays golf on the
weekends and bridge
on Tuesdays; Lyle is a
pot-smoking musi
cian who is into orgies and other sex
ual activities that frighten me.)
Gregg and Lyle began to chat on
the phone and really hit it off. (I’m
gcxxl at disguising my voice.)
Eventually, Gregg revealed that he
knew Lyle was my creation and admit
ted that he had a big crush on Lyle.
At first I liked the idea of Lyle
being Gregg’s other lover, hut now I’m I
worried. Does this
mean that Gregg
would really rather
he with someone
like Lyle? Will he
end up leaving me
for someone cool
and creative like
Lyle? How can 1 feel
safe in the world?
— Sidney
40 femme just out of
a five-year marriage
from my previous
butch. The problem
is I’m not very
attracted to this new,
particularly flattering
butch.
Joe’s great, and
she’s nice, but she’s
just not for me. And
she just ended a 10-
year relationship.
Now Joe has
offered to take me to
a concert I’d really
love to see. (The tick
ets are nearly impossible to get.) It’s far
away, so we’d have to stay in a hotel.
Can I go to the concert without
misleading her? How do I let her
know I’m not so interested without
crushing her already delicate ego? I’d
love to remain her friend.
— Summer Crush
D ear S ummer C rush :
Oh, it’s the old “1
love the attention but
not the butch” dilem
ma. O f course you’d
like to remain Joe’s
friend: Who wouldn’t
love the flowers, the
candy and the big
butch spotlight?
Let Joe know how
much you enjoy
spending time with
her but that you don’t
feel “that way” about
her. Keep it light. If
you try to “process”
your feelings or her
feelings, she’ll end up
feeling foolish. Make
sure you don’t flirt or
give her mixed mes
sages, despite the temptation to keep
the calla lilies coming.
If you care about cultivating a
friendship with this woman, you
should probably forego the concert.
(Unless it’s Annie Lennox or Macy
Gray or Norah Jones o r....) N o mat
ter what you say about being “just
friends,” once you agree to spend a
night in a hotel together, all of your
well-intentioned explanations will be
remembered as “ Blah, blah, blah.”
Sh e’ll slip into sexual fantasy mode
and assume that in the luxury of the
Hyatt, she can change your mind
and make you hers. (Could this be
true?)
Think about it carefully. And
don’t go, unless you’ll enjoy either let
ting it happen or feeling the tension
of not letting it happen.
You m ust have
a httle Lyle
in your soul
or you wouldn't
be able to
construct
a believable
fantasy of a
long-haired,
weed-smoking,
guitar-playing
hipster
D ear S idney :
If Gregg got funky
new glasses and you
found them sexy, you
might decide to pre
tend you had a new
boyfriend. Everyone
does it.
Does it mean
you’d dump Gregg for someone with
funky glasses? No. It means you like
the fantasy of someone new, which is
particularly safe since Gregg is right
there, behind the alluring new frames.
Similarly, Gregg isn’t looking for a
new boyfriend. He’s just enjoying new
aspects of you. Lyle is a good fantasy
device.
You must have a little Lyle in your
soul, or you wouldn’t be able to con
struct a believable fantasy of a long
haired, weed-smoking, guitar-playing
hipster. If Lyle will really take reason
able risks that Sidney wouldn’t take,
perhaps a world of rich new emotional
and sexual experience is awaiting you.
Part of what’s great about being
Lyle is that he probably doesn’t need
to feel so safe in the world. You
should thank him for that.
D ear M s . B ehavior :
I live in a summer community
where I am being courted heavily by a
raven-haired butch named Joe.
Flowers, candy, candlelight dinner
invitations, picnics on the beach.
The attention is nearly blinding
and very wonderful since I’m a post-
© Meryl Cohn 2002
MERYL C ohn is the author of Do What I
Say: Ms. Behavior’s Guide to Gay and
Lesbian Etiquette (Houghton Mifflin).
Her Internet site is www.mshehavior.com.
Send questions or correspondence to
msbehavior@aol.com.