HUMOR
The groove tube
WtsTOYER H eights
C
In praise of Queer as Folk
I
’ve reached a milestone or, more accurately,
a millstone. A round my neck. I’ve reached
that age when I can no longer imagine what
it must be like to be young.
It’s not like I don’t remember my own mis
spent youth— watching television back in the
days when you actually had to get up to change
the channel— but I can no longer imagine
what it must be like to be a kid today or, more
specifically, a gay kid today.
I can’t imagine what it must be like to come of
age in a world in which there are at least 37 gay
characters on network television— 39 if you count
those nelly Crane brothers on Frasier.
We didn’t have any of this when I was kid.
Beyond the sexually ambiguous Batman and
Robin (and the even more sexually ambiguous
Paul Lynde on Hollywood Squares), l had no
choice but to identify with quirky girl-about-
town A nn Marie on That
Girl. I wanted nothing
more than to go to New
York and be an actress
and get completely
overdressed to fly a
kite in C entral Park.
So I’m still so
delighted to see any
gay characters on tele
vision, I just can’t get
too worked up about
whether they’re
offensive. Like all
this hoopla that
Queer as Folk doesn’t
accurately portray gay peo
ple’s lives, that it perpetuates
the stereotype of the promiscu
ous, sex-obsessed gay male.
OK, first off, Queer as Folk
doesn’t accurately represent
most of our lives because,
hello, most of our lives are
boring. As scintillating as you might
find your day in the cubicle, it just
doesn’t make for good TV.
Even reality television isn’t very real. If it
were, it would be all about people standing
around the water cooler talking about what
they watched on television the night before.
Anyone who’s ever been to Pittsburgh
knows Queer as Folk is an exaggeration.
T he street where the boys hang out is so
queer it makes the Castro look like Mr. Rogers'
Neighborhood.
But we’d be lying to ourselves if we said there
was no truth on the show. Promiscuity, drug use,
gym obsession, sex with minors: It happens. And
so does gay-hashing, living with AIDS, coming
out at work and raising children, all of which
the show has dealt with sensitively, as well.
No one piece of art can tell the whole story
of who we are. Gay bartender and iiber-cutie
Brandon Q uinton says he went on Survivor:
Africa just to prove that young gays weren’t
promiscuous, drug-taking party hoys. So instead
he proved that young gays could also he lazy,
hack-stabbing hitches, a hitherto underrepre
sented demographic.
(I loved every minute of it, incidentally. I
think Brandon and Marilyn ffom Survivor. The
Australian Outback should get their own talk
show. They can call it Mad Dog and Catty Boy.)
Most importantly, the creators of Queer as
Folk can do what the creators of Will & Grace
cannot: show hot, steamy man sex and lots of
’
THE GOSPEL
ACCORDING
TO MARC
by M arc Acito
it. Will and Jack are so desexualized it’s as if
they’ve been neutered so the American public
will have them in their living rooms.
Just compare Jack, with his little sweater
vests and flannel jammies, to Emmett, with his
see-through shirts and full-frontal nude scenes.
Do you think there’s some connection between
network television actor Sean Hayes denying
h e’s gay and cable television actor Peter Paige
matter-of-factly discussing his sexuality?
Bet your network brass there is.
Queer as Folk is like a training film for gay
sex, which serves a number of benefits. 1 know a
straight couple acquainted with exactly two gay
people (me and my partner) and yet, as a result
of watching the show, they now know rimming
isn’t something you do on the basketball
court— it’s something you do in the locker room.
And if I were young and gay today (as opposed
to middle-aged and bitter), I’d be taking notes.
As for role models, while I adore Emmett
for following in the grand tradition of Greg
Brady and Rhoda Morgenstem by hanging
beads across his doorway, there’s still no one
gay character on television who speaks for me.
No, I still can’t help but identify with another
of those quirky girls-about-town: Carrie Brad
shaw on Sex and the City. I’d like nothing more
than to go to New York and he a writer and get
completely underdressed to drink Cosmopoli
tans in overpriced bars.
f t'*
I
N
I
C
Offering general internal
medicine and excelling
in sexual health care
M +f
Sexy Gifts Exciting Ideas
and Unique Apparatus
Serving the community for 17 yearo
C o rn e r o f Sandy Blvd. & N E 6 4 th
3 1 0 6 N E 6 4 th
P o rtla n d , O R 9 7 2 13
2330 NW Flanders
‘ Suite 207
503 280-8080
503 226-6678
-
■
L
llHm u r W
-
0" * N a " z r - ■ ■
BRA I N i<IIN<l U
Computer Repair and Consulting
PC or Mac / New or Old
Onsite Repair
Custom Built Systems
Home / Office Consulting
5 0 3 .7 3 0 .5 1 8 5
602 SE 38th Ave.
Portland, OR 97214
503.231 -39i i
Wed - Sat
P R U L M ITC H E L L
Ask@ BrainSci.net
w w w .B rain S ci.n et
LASER HAIR REMOVAL
sona
laser hair removal specialists
• Patented treatment process effectively
reduces or eliminates unwanted hair
from all areas of the body
• Four on-site-state-of-the-art lasers
• Now treating white, blond, grey hair with laser
• Guaranteed results
• Gender friendly clinic
Thousands o f men and women have experienced
the Sana difference. Call today!
SPRING
SPECIAL
s
p r in g s
p e c ia l
503-443-2250
www.laseritnow.com
¡¡¡-¿E? 270
Lake Oswego, OR 97035
« ¿ ¡r-
or lesser value for FREE
^Boutique
The adult gift shop fo r
lovers with good taste
“
^
”
But perhaps that has more to do with my
own failure to move on than with television’s.
And that, my friends, is The Gospel
According to Marc. J H
column appears in more than a
half dozen papers nationwide. He can be reached
at marcacito@attbi .com.
M
arc
A
c i t o ’ s
V
V
V
V
V
V
*
V
A dult G ifts & C ards
L otions & P otions
M assage O ils
M en ’ s & W om en ’ s L ingerie
S ex T oys
N ovelties
A dult C andies & G ames
20% O ff S elected L ong G owns
Open Mon-Sat
1720 SE 122nd Avenue • Portland OR
503-252-2017 • www.lboutique.com