January S. 200
COMMENTARY
by
M
arty
D
a m s
The IN publication for the OUT population
F o u n d ed 1 9 8 3 • J ay B row n
V o i. 18 N o . 5
and
R enée L a C h ance
Ja n u a ry 5 , 2 0 0 1
FE ATURE
ACTING BN U S U R Y : Theater exchange
promotes diplomatic relations with Vietnam
P 22
.
NEWS
NORTHWEST • Talcin' it to the streets;
restaurant owners dish about being partners—
at work and at home; support program targets
gay youth in rural southwest Washington;
Oregon Citizens Alliance launches new
anti-gay effort
PP B -15
NATIONAL • The year in review; President-elect
George W. Bush fills his cabinet; Dr. Laura
Schlessinger earns her highest ratings yet
pp 1 6 -1 9
WORLD * Kate Winslet complains about
cruising; ruling favors Vancouver bookstore;
pregnant lesbian makes history
pp 20-21
ENTER TAIN M EN T
& CULTURE
DIVERSIONS • Singin’ , dancin’, bowlin’
and tubin’
P 31
F ILM * Chick flick; the best and worst o f cinema
in 2000
pp 3 2 -3 3
MUSIC • Guys get in the spirit; gals get real
pp 3 5 -3 6
CBLTHRE • Couples’ quandaries
P 37
A R T * Brett Bigham will seat you now
p 38
COLUMNS
MS. BEHAVIOR* Rebounders never learn
Jell-0 salad and Montgomery Ward
Blowing the dust off memories of Christmas Past
dredge up these memories. T his was culinary child abuse.
t’s often said Christmas is for children, and this holiday brought
I finally found one treasured mental recipe and enthusiastically
that point a little closer to home as I set out to find the child 1
served my friends green Jell-O with carrots and pineapple. It was
used to be. This season marked a rite of passage as I learned that
solemnly
examined, proclaimed to be a “Midwestern thing” and then
going forward sometimes requires going backward first.
resoundingly ignored. I happily ate it all.
My mother died last summer, and it was not until very close to
My jaunt through childhood briefly was jarred by the late-December
Christmas Day that I came to fully realize the significance of the fact
announcement that all Montgomery Ward stores would be closing soon.
that I am now the oldest living person, and presumably the titular head,
Like many people who grew up in smaller towns, Wards was the main
of my immediate family. The symbolic implications of this knowledge
stay of our shopping expeditions.
exceed any actual practical applications in that my family consists only
All the stores were much the same back then. They had half-bal
of a brother in Texas, a sister in California and two nieces and a nephew
conies at the back, with wide center stairs and a much higher front
who, regrettably, I scarcely even know. I head a family so scattered, it has
balcony for the offices. T h e front balcony was accessed through a sin
been years and years since any holidays were spent together.
gle
steep side staircase.
A few days before Christmas 1 was struck with the notion that it was now
I clearly see this front staircase through 4-year-old eyes. It was the
up to me to preserve long-forgotten family holiday traditions— to look back,
architectural wonder o f my world. It climbed to the stars and was the
to retrieve memories and to re-create them as best as possible so they may be
most frightening thing so far encountered in
kept alive and cherished. But at the same time
came the realization that these memories likely
Unfortunately, I exercise m y m em ories mi: mral c! " ld!“ od T stcn“ .
.
,
will end with me— who will 1 pass them on to?
os infrequently os I exercise the rest er and timidly approaching the bottom of the
This holiday, and perhaps this one holiday
only, I needed to venture into my own personal
o f m e. I fear this pattern o f living
stairs
006 terror
s,ep' two
steps'
three
steps'
then total
would
grip maybe
my little
heart
and
Christmas Past.
I’d
back
down
in
quivering
fear.
This was not to be an easy task. Like many
for today and tomorrow puts to risk
I doubt I could climb those steps today with
of us, I live for the present, plan and worry
out shivering a bit. They climb clear to the
losing m any o f m y yesterdays.
about the future and seldom venture into
stars, you know?
thoughts of days gone by.
I cannot clearly recall the smell of Christmas, the thrill of opening
Unfortunately, I exercise my memories as infrequently as I exercise
presents or the warmth of family, but I see those brown scuffed stairs
the rest of me. I fear this pattern of living for today and tomorrow puts
with white railings as clearly as if I were there yesterday. And as I mourn
to risk losing many of my yesterdays.
the loss of these stores and jobs, I am grateful for the gift of the memory
My journey into the past turned out to be a short trip. The attic of my
of Wards— and for that of green Jell-O with carrots and pineapple.
mind, while dusty indeed, also seems to be largely dimly lit and empty.
Very early in my life, and clearly evident in my memories, was the sense
No bad memories. No sad recollections. Just not a lot there, period.
and knowledge that I was “different”— that there was something about me
I did come up with a few visions of old holiday dinners, large family
I never should discuss or let anyone know about. It was to be a long time
affairs with aunts and uncles and cousins and grandparents. Those went on
before
I found the words and explanations to associate with my feelings, my
until I was about 10 or so— and then, well, then I don’t what happened.
thoughts, my dread of life and my horrible self-imposed, self-defending, self-
They just stopped. And now I never will know, because there is no
defeating isolation. It was a long time before I learned about being gay.
one left to ask.
And so now, in perhaps a Pollyannaish attempt to create Christmas
For my Christmas dinner 1 invited a few hardy friends over to share
memories for others, I would ask for this new year, and others to follow,
the day, and I planned my menu based on my recent journey of explo
that we all strive to work together, as family, as community, to set goals
ration. But as it turned out, most of the things I remembered I couldn’t
and make plans to do what we can to make sure the future holds brighter
bring myself to re-create.
promise for our youth.
Sen tim en t aside, there is no way a raisin carrot salad ever will be
Everyone deserves to have happy Christmas memories, a safe today
brought to life by my hands. T h e same goes for W aldorf salad—
and a promising tomorrow. Happy New Year to us all. j n
apples, walnuts, celery and mayonnaise! No wonder I don’t want to
REFLECTIONS
5
years ago
*. X".
. .'« x - y - ...■
.
P 29
BOT LOUD * A short trip for a big change
P 34
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• Lambda Rising bookstore made a great leap
forward when it opened a branch bookstore on
America Online, the nation’s largest online com
puter service.
• Community Outreach Inc., also known as
Sunflower House, received grants from Equity
Foundation and the Seattle-based Pride
Foundation to provide lesbian health clinics at its
Corvallis location.
• A fter three terms in the Oregon Legislature.
Rep. Lisa Naito said she would not seek re-elec
tion. The Portland Democrat, who represented
House District 15, said she wanted to spend
more time with her two school-age children.
• The Lesbian Community Project's board of
directors presented the All Lesbian Talent Show.
Marty Davis
Steve Warren, Rex Wockner
• About 10 percent o f Cuba’s 1,180 HIV-positive
inhabitants were released from quarantine and
returned to normal life after convincing authori
ties they would behave responsibly, the Prensa
Latina news agency reported Nov. 14.
• The Urban League o f Portland said it would
step up its efforts to help prevent the spread of
HIV in the metro area, particularly in communi
ties o f color. President Lawrence J. Dark and
several staff members joined a public walk
across the Burnside Bridge to dramatize the
impact o f the epidemic Dec. 1, W orld AIDS Day.
• Don Horn, triangle productions! executive pro
ducer and founder, described his new space,
Theater! Theatre!: “ I want this to be a place
where gays and lesbians can celebrate pride
every day— not just once a year. I want this to
be valuable to the whole community."
• The Portland Women’s Theatre Company pre
sented M isguided Lives: A Lesbian Soap Opera —
it’s not just about Casa Delores anymore!
• Melissa Sayler
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