question as
Ford makes
the move
from his
Boston
..wmm home base
m iM m of the past
five years to
California,
where he plans to
start writing for televi
sion and film. And he is also at work on his
first novel for adults. W hen asked what it’s
about, Ford explains, “Well, there’s this little
wizard in it, and he goes to school...no, really
it’s about the extended families that gay people
create for themselves.”
He also recently collaborated with Jay
Kawarsky, director of the Lehigh Valley Gay
M en’s Chorus in Pennsylvania, on a six-song
choral piece based on his book A lec Baldwin
D oesn’t Love M e. It’s available on CD, and Ford
is working on turning the piece into a cabaret-
style show. He also is working on a one-man
show based on his writings that he might or
might not perform himself.
W ho would play him, then? “Maybe Alec
Baldwin,” says Ford, imagining the possibilities.
Sounds like a plan.
Michael Thomas Ford:
Behind the Musings
There’s a lot you don’t know
about the award-winning humorist
B y M arc A cito
• unnyman Michael Thomas Ford is even
funnier in real life than he is on the page.
T hat’s what a crowd of his devoted fans
discovered recently when we ventured out
on a bitter cold Sunday night to Powell’s on
Hawthorne to hear him read from his latest
book, It’s Not Mean if It’s True.
“I love you all,” Ford begins. “You are all
beautiful, and I love you much more than the
seven people who came to hear me in Seattle last
night, although I told them 1 loved them, too.”
Ford then proceeds to read from his book,
but he doesn’t get far. He can’t help but inter
rupt himself with asides and tangents, telling
us, for instance, about his education at a small
Bible college in upstate New York.
“It no longer exists,” he says. “I’d like to
think it was my fault.”
He goes on to tell us about signing “The
Pledge,” a document stating that he promised
not to do things like dance or have a picture of
someone of the opposite sex on his wall. “So I
had this big bare-chested photo of Kevin Cost
ner on the wall and never got in trouble,” he
explains.
Ford’s books also offer unexpected extras. His
three books, the Lambda Award-winning Alec
Baldwm Doesn’t Love Me, T hat’s Mr. Faggot to
You and It’s Not M ean if It's True, are collections
of his popular humor column “My Queer Life,”
but he expands each of the included columns to
almost double the length of what appears in
more than 20 queer papers nationwide.
In the sense that queer also means “unusu
al,” “My Queer Life” is aptly named. Ford’s
idiosyncratic take on gay life, his refreshingly
honest admissions that he cannot seem to dress
himself well or gain muscle mass, have
endeared him to readers who think the circuit
queen scene doesn’t speak for them.
“So you all know the sadness that is my
life,” he sighs as he finishes. And because his
writing is so personal, we feel as if we do.
Audience members, including some
strangely overzealous straight folks ( “Bitter
middle-aged het women love my stuff,” Ford
admits) ask him questions about his e x
boyfriend Dave, his dog Roger and his
musicals-loving nephew as if they knew
!
these
people. I
ask him how he differs
from the person we know
from the page.
“I don’t always write
about myself at my best,
but I do write about myself
in sort of a charmingly
neurotic way,” he says. “I think a lot
of people think, oh, Michael Thomas Ford is
always funny, or he’s always understanding, or
he’s always charming or whatever because they
don’t see you when you do something really
horrible. Your friends are the people who,
when they still see you do something horrible,
they still like you.”
Ford’s friend Kenny from California, who’s
along for the trip, rolls his eyes. “Don’t even
ask,” he says.
But anyone familiar with Ford’s obsession
with Alec Baldwin knows he’s just as guilty of
idealizing public figures. “Oh, sure, I’d like to
think that George Clooney would always be
great in bed and he’d always smell nice,” he
says, citing the celeb currently topping his
“Stalker List,” “but I’m sure if I were his lover
I’d be like, ‘Well, you’ve never been with him
after tacos.’ ”
Ford is on hiatus from “My Queer Life”
because of the demands of his “other job,” that
of award-winning writer of young adult fiction
and nonfiction. He has spent the past seven
months knocking out a 220-page book a month.
“T hat’s why I look so tired,” he says.
He publishes mostly under his full name—
“Mike Ford” sounding too much like a pom
star and Michael T. Ford being too reminiscent
of “Model T Ford.” And although he never
has published under the name M.T. Ford, he
It's Not Over Yet
in
did author a series
of children’s horror books under
the name M.T. Coffin. (G et it?)
His professional writing career began with
the intensely literary task of writing a biogra
phy of Paula Abdul, which, as always with
Ford, makes for a great story. “Her manager
found out about it,” he recalls, “and he called
all of her friends and said, ‘Don’t talk to this
guy.’ The big joke of this was that it was for a
children’s book series of biographies, so 1 kept
calling these people saying, ‘It’s for 9-year-olds,
for God’s sake!’ It’s not like I was asking her
whether Emilio Estevez took it up the ass or
something.”
But it was a serious nonfiction book about
the AIDS crisis and being gay that made Ford’s
reputation in the world of children’s publish
ing, winning him numerous awards, including
the American Library Association Best Book
for Young Adults. “I’m the big fag in children’s
books," he says. “I like writing for young people
because it’s one of the only things you can
write that actually could make a difference...it
really does change their lives. I get letters from
kids saying, ‘I didn’t know there were other gay
people.’ ” (Incidentally, Ford does answer all of
his fan mail, about 100 e-mails a week.)
The future of “My Queer Life” is still in
M arc ACITO wouldn’t kick G eorge C looney
■or A lec Baldwin out o f bed either, particularly if
they were both there.
EXCERPT:
ichael Thomas Ford on personal ads,
from It’s N ot M ean if It’s True:
“/n shape does not necessarily mean
the shape is pleasing. O ther words to
avoid include, but are not limited to,
codependent, parole, unemployed and/un-
gal infection.”
“Ads containing words such as vinyl
pants, enema and catcher’s m ask will not
escape the notice of those with similar
interests.”
“Boy next door is to be avoided at all
costs unless the person claiming it has a
loft beside Ben Affleck’s.”
“Under no circumstances should you
use an image in which you are posing
with an animal character at a theme
park, being arrested at a demonstration
or dressed as Carol Channing. Other no-
nos include photos in which your ex-
lover appears with his face scratched out,
and shots that include friends more
attractive than yourself.”
M
s Not Over Yet
Ly Questions?
Any
AIDS Awareness Week
Starts Monday Nov. 27
for details call
The Oregon AIDS Hotline
1-800-777-2437
Oregon AIDS Hotline
800 - 777-2437
Questions?
Cascade
22
Project