will work for them in the long run.
They are confused and unsure of when
and how to assert themselves, how to change
the patterns they are caught up in. For these
people, the holidays can be a time of mood
swings and emotional turmoil, although this
need not be the case.
If you suffer from low self-esteem or feel
conflicted about the holidays, you can choose
to begin to take control of your life now. Know
ing where to start might make the difference.
Although difficult to do, the following sugges
tions might help maintain your equilibrium:
1.
Set boundaries and priorities for your
self beforehand. You have the right to make
these choices for yourself.
• Decide how much you will spend and
who and what you will spend it on based on
what you actually have. Don’t use credit cards
unless you plan to have extra money coming
in. You only put yourself in a financial hole
for the new year.
• Announce to family members and
friends that you need to cut back financially
(if you do) and would like them to do the
same where you are concerned.
• Decide how much time you will devote
to holiday planning and activities. You might
decide one or two activities a week is as
much as you can do.
• Decide who you really want to spend
time with and who you do not. If you come
from a dysfunctional home where negative
feelings still exist or negative experiences still
occur, determine to limit time with those
who contributed to your pain. Make alterna
tive plans, if necessary.
• Decide what holiday traditions you will
observe or participate in, whether they
revolve around decorating, baking, religious
activities or entertaining. Be realistic about
the time and energy you will have
them, and the recipients will have more time
to read and enjoy them.
7. If your holidays are always too hectic,
think o f a few things you could forego this
year.
8. D on’t be a perfectionist. You don’t
have to have most unique gift, the most
tasty dish, the best decorations. Relax and it
will be more fun.
9. Respect the goals and boundaries set by
others.
j[TJ
M arilyn J. S orensen , Ph.D ., is a clinical
psychologist in Portland. She is also the founder
and director o f the Self-Esteem Institute and
author o f Breaking the C h ain o f Low Self-
Esteem, which is available in paperback and
audio at bookstores nationwide. Her Internet
site is www.TheSelfEsteemInsatute.com .
2. Set goals around food, exercise and rest.
Don’t he black and white. Your exercise sched
ule and your amount of food consumption
might vary from a normal month. Think about
it ahead of time and again each week, so you
will be conscious of what you are doing. Try to
get as much rest as possible.
3. Decide you are going to be assertive and
stick to your plan. Tell others what changes you
are making so they can alter their expectations.
4. Determine not to spend time with people
who are not supportive and
encouraging in your life.
5. Initiate a discussion with
your partner about goals and
boundaries before the holidays
arrive. Strive to support each
other in achieving success.
6. Send “After-Christmas
Cards” instead of during the
season. You will have more
energy and time to prepare
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