3ß ju s t o u t » September 1. 2000
G a y D a d s
a real stereo store
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for real music lovers
M eetin g s
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at the loss of a loved—or despised—one
P ertinent T opics :
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C ustody
R elationships with K ids
C omments from K ids
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T erry
667-9159
697-7004
STUFFINGS
Gifts • Art
fforrewGre
Yintag-e &
H g yCool (Stuff
2627 N.E. Broadway/Portland/ 280-0910
www.stereotypesaudio.com
‘R ealty Coot
S tu ff
Antiques
Treasures / *-
&
x,
V p h o ts te rc i
-S e
S tu d io
1313 NE FREMONT
P O R T L A N D
503.493.8037
7372 SW C apitol Highway
Portland, OR 97219 • 503-246-6267
We are located in Multnomah Village near
The Bridge. Call for directions.
Coventry
Cycle (V W orks
P ro fe sio n a l Service
C o m fo rta b le B ik e o
Recumbento a Specialtyl
Open Tuesday-Sunday
230-7723
2025 SH Hawthorne
W estover H eights
C
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Contemporary style 3 bed, 2 1/2 ba, a rowhouse alternative,
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REY REECE DEALERSH IPS
2330 N W Flanders
Suite 207
226-6678
Breaking up is hard to do
0LDS-ISUZU-V0LKSWAGEN-USED
clsigwart@hotmail.com
122nd & East Burnside
www.vwcity.net
I wrote her
I knew it!
dozens
of letters,
That was my
for months, all of
reaction when
them unan
1 heard the
swered.
I called
news: Anne and
her answering
Ellen, Heche and
machine at work
DeGeneres, over.
to hear her voice
Finished. Kaput.
when
I knew she
Americas lesbian
was not there
poster couple
and her answer
were breaking up,
ing
machine at
their 3 1/2 years in
home to hear her
a blinding spotlight
voice when I knew she
finally ending.
was at work.
Within hours came
W hen she canceled
word of Anne Heche s bizarre
our vacation— the one she sug
and babbling appearance at the
gested we take— I Kxiked a room
front door of some unsuspecting
in Key West. While she took the
folks in Fresno, Calif. Geez, whatever
vacation
we planned by herself, I spent
happened to consoling yourself with a
five days by myself at a lesbian guest house,
pint of Ben & Jerry’s?
the only person there without somebody else. I
Heche, whose film credits include Psycho,
sent
her a hill for my vacation, and she paid it.
appeared to he having a breakup
Oh, yeah, and therapy. Lots and lots and
breakdown. Was it grief? Ecstasy? A
lots of therapy. And medicine. And wine. And
man? If only these walls could talk!
television.
Thank god for Behind the Music and
Whatever it was, it got me remi
E! True Hollywood Story— lifesavers, Kith.
niscing about some of the crazy
W hat is the problem? Why couldn’t I just
things I’ve done in the throes of a
get over it? I put that question to two big-time
bad lesbian breakup. Yeah, I got to
lesbian therapists.
thinking back...way hack...like,
“You can’t make her come hack, you can’t
oh, roughly, six months, four days
make it not happen,” Betty Berzon told me.
and two hours ago, when a
“It’s about trying to keep a connection with
woman— in an act of temporary
that person, even in a meaningless, negative
writers generosity I will resist the
way. It’s aKiut not beingTeady to let go.”
urge to tell you her name—decided
without consulting me that the
You’ve got that right.
time had come for us to part
Mamy Hall says a bruiser breakup is almost
(which, in hindsight, should have
a rite of passage for lesbians, “where you’re
happened about five min
close to insane if not insane. It’s
utes into our first din
aKiut the investment, the level
I walled
ner date).
of intimacy and therefore the
We issued no
level of betrayal” that can
and screamed
press release, no public
happen between two
and demanded to know
statement, although 1
women. “You’re just
suspect some members
crashing and burning,
WHY, WHY ARE YOU
of the public below her
and you think every-
DOING THIS AND
open living room win
KxJy else should crash
dow were probably able
and hum too.”
ANYWAY I DON'T LOVE
to hear me as I wailed
As for Anne and
and screamed and
Ellen,
Kith Hall and
YOU ANYMORE
demanded to know
Berzon think they
AND I DON'T EVEN
WHY, WHY ARE YOU
know what went wrong:
DOING THIS AND ANY
the glare of the public eye,
KNOW IF
WAY 1 D O N T LOVE YOU
the pressure to be the perfect
ANYMORE AND I D O N T
I LIKE YOU!!
lesbian couple, even the ideal
EVEN KNOW IF I LIKE YOU!!
breakup couple. “Poor thing, I’d be
W hat they couldn’t see was her, just sitting
wandering along in Fresno too,” Hall told me.
there on the couch looking at me like: “Don’t
Personally, I am feeling much better now. I
you get it? It’s over.” I didn’t wind up stumbling
haven’t written any letters or called any
along some road in Fresno, hut here are some
answering machines or indulged in any stalking
of the things I did do.
behaviors in, oh, two or three months. I’ve
I took absolutely everything that had any
seen her duck me on the street, and I don’t
thing to do with her: unconsumed cans of caf
care. W hen I come across something that
feine-free Diet Coke; packets of Sweet N ’
reminds me of her, I don’t even waste my time
Low; cards and love letters; her mattress pad,
returning it anymore, I just throw it out.
which temporarily had been living on my bed
The only thing I can’t get myself to toss
(don’t ask); and a great set of bookends she’d
down the trash chute is the really nice Eddie
given me—one the Empire State building, the
Bauer ski sweater she gave me for Christmas. I
other the Chrysler—a pair I’d come to call
think 111 give it to the homeless guy on her
the butch and femme of the New York City
new block (which is right near my block—
skyline. I took absolutely everything I could
couldn t she pick someplace else to live?). I
think of, stuffed it into a shopping hag, sprin
hope she likes the way it looks on him.
kled the top with the photo booth minipic
tures we’d taken together (which I’d cut up
I BARBARA R aab is a uniter and televisión pro'
into tiny pieces) and dropped the whole thing
ducer in N ew York City.
off in the vestibule of her building.