“height-weight proportionate” woman, which
is code for “no fatties.” But hey, the good news
is, no matter what your size, there’s probably a
woman out there who likes the cut of your jib.
Or the way you look on the hack of a Harley.
From the safety of anonymity, Rachel, a 22-
year-old student, wonders: “Why are lesbians
allowed to he overweight without doing any
thing about it? I don’t really want to date any
one overweight, I don’t like the way it feels. It’s
gross.”
Still, Stock believes “the general feeling
within the llesbian] community may he more
accepting.”
Carol is a 58-year-old office worker, tired of
her losing battle to be thin and now accepting
of her larger reality.
"I cannot separate ‘fat’ and ‘lesbian’ from
me— fat and lesbian. A s much a part of me as
my brown hair and brown eyes,” she says. “It’s
even more a part of me, as it defines how I
make my way in this world. It defines who my
friends are, who my loves are, and who 1 sleep
with— gay- and fat-accepting people.”
Sally has always been big and got over it a
long time ago. She’s thrilled that her lover—
who just happens to be average in size— adores
her just the way she is.
“She actually likes my curvy, voluptuous
body, enjoys the luxurious softness of my
breasts, and loves the power in my thick, tree-
tmnk thighs!” Sally enthuses.
As the latest spokesmodel for fat accep
tance, actress Camryn Manheim has written a
great hook on the subject, Wake Up, I'm Fat.
In it she observes: “Even thin women wish
they had somebody else’s body. That’s why it’s
called the beauty myth: The perfect body does
n’t exist.”
Which brings us to a few words about
extrathin women. N o matter how difficult it
might be for the rest of us to feel empathy for
women who are bom with Olive Oyl-ish fig
ures, the truth is that they also suffer from den
igrating comments and false assumptions about
their appearance.
As Janet confides with genuine pain in her
voice, “People who would never think of teas
p Ç u W rV l
ing a large woman about her size feel it’s OK to
ridicule me for being skinny.. .as if it’s more
acceptable to be underweight, and therefore
that makes me fair game for jokes.”
Still, there are plenty of women out there
who are at peace with their bodies.
When you first meet Alice, 38, two things
are obvious: She’s a mighty big babe and she’s
not one bit unhappy about it.
“ I’m a sexual outlaw.... I take up space
that’s not supposed to be mine. When I walk
down the street, you have to get out of my
way!” she says with a sassy laugh.
Her longtime partner, Kathy, also a woman
of size, remembers what it was like to have a
thin lover: “I was always afraid I was going to
book, Woman, An Intimate Geography: “When
you gain weight because you’re overeating, you
put on three-quarters of that weight as fat but
one-quarter as muscle. Fat people are so cowed
into self-loathing that they don’t realize the
potential they carry. If they choose to exercise
their submerged muscle on a regular basis,
they’ll be able to beat the sprat out of any thin
ones who call them pigs.”
Naturopath Karen Frangos, who has worked
for many years with athletes, notes that
“strength is a factor lesbians need to survive,
and sports is an opportunity to excel and use
their strength.”
For examples of strong women who manage
to have a professional career in sports while
also bucking the rail-thin trend, you need only
tune in to the Ladies Professional G olf Associ
ation any weekend and watch some golfers—
your gaydar will definitely bleep away.
Therapist Barton has some encouraging and
lighthearted words for those struggling with size
acceptance: “Time takes care of a lot of it. If
you’re flat-chested when you’re young, cleavage
often comes with age.”
That is exactly the case with Kathy, who
now prefers her larger body.
“When I became a
lesbian, women taught me to
appreciate my own body.
They helped me to see, and
to say, ‘Gee, my body is pret
ty wonderful.’ I’ve always
loved big women, but I really
have to work at not being
fat— not ju st big, but fat. My
challenge is to accept that
unless I starve, I’m going to
put on weight.”
—Mary Brady, Activist
break one of her bones or something.. .though
she really dug my supersized breasts,” she says
with a smile for Alice.
“Yeah, fat women are the best lovers," Alice
chimes in. “They’re really soft, like some giant
pillow, and yet they’re also incredibly powerful,
_ *9
too.
One thing that might help women come to
grips with weight is to understand what’s in it.
As Natalie Angier points out in her acclaimed
“After so many years agonizing over my
small breasts,” she says, “I finally got to experi
ence big, centerfold-sized breasts. They did feel
good, even to me, and I could easily under
stand why men— and women— obsess on
them."
Barton suggests that women wanting to
develop more self-acceptance should surround
themselves with affirming images that promote
who they are and what they want to be. She
also believes women should stop trying to fit
into somebody else’s idea of what to wear and
choose clothes that make them feel comfort
able.
It happens to all of us
if we live long enough
* | | | f e grow old, and at some point we look
As recently as the 1970s, a popular expres
sion urged us: Don’t trust anyone over 30. And
when today’s grandmothers were young, 50
used to seem old. Now, with women like Jane
Fonda, Sophia Loren, Lena Hom e and Gloria
Steinem reshaping our ideas of what women
can look like in their 60s and beyond, it’s
tempting to believe we might cheat the clock
altogether.
A n activist and one of the founders of
Older Lesbians Organizing for Change, Mary
Brady has strong feelings about aging.
“I’m in a state of shock about how my body
is changing as I grow older,” she says.
A late bloomer, Brady came out at age 47.
“When I became a lesbian, women taught
me to appreciate my own body,” she recalls.
“They helped me to see, and to say, ‘Gee, my
body is pretty wonderful.’ ”
She still struggles with size acceptance,
though.
“ I’ve always loved big women,” she says
sincerely. “ But I really have to work at not
being fat— not just big, but fat. My challenge
is to accept that unless I starve, I’m going to
put on weight.”
Another issue of aging is a decline in
health. After a recent surgery, Brady admits,
“I feel my body is letting me down, health-
wise.”
Brady has always loved dancing and says
she is determined to regain her mobility and
dance again. For inspiration she focuses on a
photo.
“1 saw a picture o f an eighty-something
woman wearing high-tops and tarring her
roof by herself, and I said, ‘T h at’s gonna be
m e!’ ” she explains.
We could all use a visual touchstone like
that, an image of a woman who is healthy
and capable, aging with vigor and self-accep
tance— and, yes, she may be bigger than Bar
bie and stronger than Ken.
(Please note: Some of the names of those inter'
viewed have been changed to protect their privacy.)
■ O R 1 A N A G R E E N resists aging by growing a pur -
pie braid down the side of her head. She is also the
Entertainment Editor for Just Out and can be
reached at oriana@justout.com.
mtiwi&Mri Traised S-sri/I^ats;
ß u* ^
CarlsonWagonlit TrcwJ
Zen C e n t e r
Portland, Oregon
2539 SE Madison Portland, Oregon 97214
503-239-4846 Fax. 503-239-5217
E-mail Staff@Dharma-Rain O rg
www.Dharma-Rain.Org
Dharma Rain Zen Center is a Soto Zen
Temple for Lay practice, bringing people
together to build community and wisdom through
practice DRZC offers retreats, classes, intro
ductory workshops, and sesshins The Zendo
space is shared with groups in the Vipassana,
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tunities for learning about Budd
hism and its daily application
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