^una 2.2000 »
BIGGER THAN
BARBIE
To pass or not to pass?
STRONGER
THAN KEN
T
Just Out looks at women’s body image
traumas and triumph
O
r ia n a
G
reen
PHOTO BY TAMARA LISCHKA
by
t 51, I’ve looked at life from both sides now. Though I’m all les-
hian now, in my 20s I occasionally identified as bisexual, and at
times I passed as a straight woman— not surprising, since it was
the confusing and turbulent late ’60s and early 70s. During
those years I even subjected my hair to hot rollers every weekday morning,
then painted on a happy face. Though I still own a few palettes of eye shadow
and a wicked plum lipstick, I have to hunt for them every Halloween.
In addition, for the first 40 years of my life I
as quite slender without much effart. But that
so meant 1 was flat-chested, which caused me
enty of pain growing up in the va-va-voom
a. During my 41st and 42nd years I doubled
size, and I’ve been fat ever since. I spent
lother five or so years fighting it, but I even-
ally grew to accept my expanded physical
ality. The fact that I’m a tall, big-boned gal
:lps me carry it, but it’s also useful to look at
lotos of my stout grandmothers in middle age
id realize that perhaps some genetic destiny is
work.
What I know for sure is that whatever kind
body you live in at the moment, its a whole
t easier to love yourself the way you are. I
>pped caring what anyone else thinks of my
dy long ago, and that was one great libera
tion. In writing this article I tried to include as
many points of view as space allowed, hut obvi
ously there are as many opinions as there are
women.
o here’s the myth: Straight women and gay
men are more concerned with their body
image than lesbians or heterosexual men.
But studies show that both lesbians and
straight women report greater dissatisfaction
with their bodies and more dieting than men
of all orientations.
“Lesbians are more likely than gay men to
have negative body images,” says therapist Jen
nifer Stock.
And why not? Another Portland therapist,
Serena Barton, makes this observation: “We’re
all raised heterosexual—lesbians aren’t
S
hat is the big question facing most women
who step out into the world as lesbians—
do I want everyone I meet to read me as queer,
or do I want to hide behind the veil of “hetero
sexual normalcy”?
There are many ways in which we can
announce our deviation from the mainstream
standard, and whether or not to wear makeup
is one choice.
Sarah, a 43-year-old office worker, has given
this a lot of thought.
“I figure 1 save several hours a week, maybe
200 hours a year not putting on makeup every
day,” she says. “That’s eight extra days I have to
enjoy life. Plus I have all that money I saved to
spend!”
She also notes that her skin is healthier
because her pores aren’t constantly clogged
with gunk.
Of course there are “lipstick lesbians” who,
for various reasons, prefer the glam look.
Karen Frangos, a naturopath with a practice
in Portland, has observed women in this cate
gory and believes they are under a lot of extra
pressure.
“If you’re passing, it can be even more
important to stay thin,” she explains.
While some women pass for convenience’
sake, others do so to remain in the closet, and
that can cause all kinds of havoc.
“I know lipstick lesbians who’d die if their
partners gained five pounds,” Frangos notes.
For some women who are just naturally
more butch, passing isn’t an option. Andy (nee
Andrea), 42, is one such woman who, despite
toting around a pair of obvious C cups, is often
mistaken for a man.
“I don’t mind if some lesbians can pass, hut
they don’t understand what it’s really about to
he queer,” she assesses, measuring her words hut
failing to disguise years of pain around the
issue.
Theresa, 38, sums up an oft-repeated edict:
“I would never date a woman who wears lip
stick. I couldn’t trust her... And I’d wonder if
she wasn’t on some level still catering to men."
immune—we’re all exposed to society’s stan
dards of what’s attractive.”
According to registered dietician Ruth
Carey, 80 percent of 13-year-old girls are diet
ing and 80 percent of
17-year-old girls say
they’re too fat—while
government
studies
show only 10 percent
are
actually
over
weight—yet the current
thin-yet-big-busted
ideal is only a very
recent trend. All you
have to do is crack open
an art history book to
see a wider range of female shapes, and it wasn’t
until the 1960s that ethereally thin models
became fashionable.
I recently spent an hour in a mall con
sciously looking at hundreds of women, and it
didn’t take long to appreciate that damn few
of us look anything like the airbrushed, digi
tally altered images fed to us every day. So it’s
no wonder most of us enter adult life with
feelings of inadequacy or some hang-ups
about our bodies. As Barton puts it, “It’s just
hard to grow up without some injury to our
healthy narcissism."
“I would never date a woman who
wears lipstick. I couldn’t trust her...
And I’d wonder if she wasn’t on some
level still catering to men.”
—
Theresa, a 38-year-old gardener
Krista, a 27-year-old waitress-, has always
worn makeup, on and off her job, even after
she came out to herself and the world.
“I think I’m kinda plain without it," she
says. “I like how it makes me feel, more confi
dent, I guess.”
She pauses, then laughs recalling some days
when she skipped the routine because she
wasn’t feeling well.
“I’m positive I get better tips when I wear
makeup,” she says. “And it sort of goes with
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