42 j M t M t » may 19.2QQQ
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Letter to a friend
A Portland man’s belated response to racism
more. All this was achieved by simply stating
that he is Italian when he actually is Mexican.
His ethnic identity was erased as inferior and
undesirable with just a few glib words. What
facilitated this gross misrepresentation? Was it
the blue eyes or the fair skin? Has the rational
ization made the lie any easier to deal with? 1
wonder how Russell would feel if your mother
seeks to explore his “Italian” roots with him?
When I suggested that you tell your mother
the truth, you hastened to admonish me with
“you don’t understand my mother.” However, I
wonder if this really has more to do with your
prejudices rather than your mother’s? You have
had a time-honored antipathy toward your
mother and have proclaimed your near hatred
of her. 1 would imagine that this would be the
perfect opportunity to let her know the truth
and not pander to her ethnic biases. However,
you have elected not do so, and I doubt that it
is mother’s reprisal you fear. My sense is that
you have indulged in this untruth to make the
situation more palatable for yourself. Perhaps
you have discovered that Russell is easier to
date if you “make him” Italian.
Stating that Russell is Italian does not make
him so. You are well aware of that
immutable fact. He is part Mex
ican and has every right to
fee! pride about his his-
ear Will,
Thanks for spending time with me last
weekend. 1 hope your stay was both com
fortable and enjoyable. Certainly, Port
land is not the universe that New York is, but
you have often likened Portland to a “beautiful
jewel,” and 1 could not agree with you more. It
is a lovely city, and I am glad and honored that
you love it too.
While we were at Scandals on Saturday
night, I was happy to hear that you
and Russell are forming a closer
relationship. He seems like a fine
young man and, from what you tell
me, he is really devoted to you.
How sweet! 1 am sure that both of
you are reveling in the heady early
stages of young love. Relish all of
that while getting better acquaint
ed.
During our chat that evening,
you commented that you had told
your mother Russell is part Italian.
We both are aware that he is part
Mexican and does not have an iota
of Italian in him. To be honest, I
found that very surprising
and was confused as
to why you
would do
such a thing.
You assured me that it
/
has nothing to do with being
»
racist, while averring that it is your
mother who is “extremely prejudiced" and who
“just would not understand.” After I had
choked down a few sips of Sprite, I asked you
why you chose to misrepresent the ethnic her
itage of your partner. “Well,” you answered,
“mother just assumes that most Mexicans are
only good for house-help." Were you really
shocked when I was rendered speechless and
worked to pull my jaw off the ground? I was
appalled at the disrespect you have shown him,
Will.
During the course of the next morning,
when we were wandering through the shops at
the new Pioneer Place, you said: “Well, Russell
can easily pass for Italian. He has blue eyes and
long lashes and he is really fair!” I grimaced at
yet another falsehood. The tone of your voice
suggested to me that you were attempting to
convince yourself of this fantasy. It was painful
to experience this “whitewashing" process.
And so I was witness to the obliteration of a
part of this young man’s ethnic heritage, his
history, his culture, his ancestry and a whole lot
/
*
torY anc^ cu^ture- He
deserves to be respected for
who he is. While this utter fabrication
might make him more “socially acceptable” or
otherwise worthy of dating in your estimation,
the truth of his ethnic heritage should never be
denied. It is unkind, unjust, unwarranted and
corrosive to your relationship with him. The
foundation of this friendship is cracked severe
ly. Will you choose to mend it?
I value you, Will! This note is not intended
to be nasty or preachy, but an invitation to
reconsider your actions. Be honest with your
self about this situation. Don’t delude or ratio
nalize yourself into believing that which is a
lie. After you have come to terms with the
reality of the situation, do not be ashamed to
tell your mother the truth. In so doing you will
truly honor your friendship with Russell. He
deserves nothing less and neither do you.
is a member of Portland Gay
Men Writing. He believes that one should, above
all, let your aim be uihat is true, what is great and
what is beautiful.
H D in y a r M e h t a