o
4
Newborn twins, a curious 8-year-old, a rebellious teen,
an adult child visiting on the weekends with a baby
o f her own— being a parent changes everything
by J onathan
K ipp
-
■■■■■■■
(left) and
Hala Gort
couldn’t bt
im
mb '
u ith their
new son
1 1 - &*J
TV\e
D e c is io n
eing a parent isn’t for everyone.
“ Being around kids is like nails on the
chalkboard,” one middle-aged lesbian
says.
Not having to have children is one of the perks
of being a lesbian, she explains, noting that it’s
becoming more difficult to meet women who don’t
have or want children.
Others don’t see full-time parenting as a goal,
but they value having children in their lives,
whether it’s a regular baby-sitting gig with neigh
borhood children, serving as a Big Brother or Big
Sister, or being the stereotypical favorite aunt or
uncle.
But a growing number of those in the sexual
minorities community want more. These men and
women want their own kids.
Many begin the process by answering important
questions before taking any action toward making a
family. Will I make a good parent even though I’m
not straight? C an 1 afford this? How am I going to
get a child?
For many o f those who proceed with their quest
to become new parents, the issue of money can’t be
ignored. While the actual cost of becoming a foster
or adoptive parent can be nearly free (if working
with a state agency), costs can rise to $30,000 or
more for private, international or agency adop
tions— though the average cost is around $15,000.
Using the technology of in vitro fertilization
and surrogacy can be the most expensive alterna
tive, costing parents $35,000 to $65,000. Women
doing artificial insemination, utilizing known
sperm donors or anonymous sperm banks, will
spend the least, often under $1,000.
Add a crib, thousands of diapers, a bottle or
two, a bib and a few stuffed animals and it becomes
apparent that it can take a small fortune to create a
family. In addition, experts calculate that the aver
age cost of raising a child from birth .to age 18 will
be $150,000 to $250,000.
L e s b io o s
C V io o s '1 0 3
6
eing female can definitely make having a
baby less complicated and more afford
able. While a large percentage of the chil
dren being raised by lesbians were conceived in
heterosexual relationships, a growing number of
liidC
3¡ JMS.
) 30b
pparently the secret is out. Sharon
Stone is discussing it with Larry
King. M elissa Etheridge passes
along the news to Charlie Rose.
M adonna purrs to M att Lauer. And Will and
G race aren’t keeping quiet either.
Rosie O ’Donnell even featured it on her
afternoon talk show, for goodness’ sake.
Sexual minorities are having children.
Some are adopting, some are using modem
technological advances and others are providing
foster care to satisfy the urge to parent.
Some are choosing to do it the old fashioned
way— both before and after they come out of
the closet.
Regardless of public opinion, gay or straight,
alternative families are popping up everywhere.
It is estimated that 6 million to 14 million
children live with at least one gay parent,
according to the American Civil Liberties
Union.
The face of the family is changing in the
general population as well. According to
The Oregonian, half of pregnant women
and mothers aged 15 to 29 conceived or gave
birth to their first child outside marriage.
The trend is said to cross all social and ethnic
groups, but the increase in single motherhood
is most evident among white women.
children are now bom via artificial insemination.
Alternatively, some female couples will harvest
eggs from one partner, have the egg fertilized in
vitro and implant the embryo in the other partner.
Although Hala Gores and Susan Eggum, both
downtown Portland attorneys, discussed having
children early in their relationship, they postponed
parenthood until they had been together almost six
years. The couple couldn’t find the time to get
pregnant. Eventually they concluded there would
n’t be a perfectly auspicious moment and that they
had to make starting their family a priority.
“We wish we would have made the decision six
years ago,” Gores says. “It is so great!”
The two women purchased sperm from an
exclusive southern California sperm bank known
for high-IQ donors. Although their physician
warned them it could take months to get pregnant,
Gores conceived on the first try via artificial insem
ination— now referred to as “alternative insemina
tion” by a growing number of lesbians choosing this
route to motherhood. The women spent less than
$1,000 to achieve pregnancy.
Their baby, Jake, is now almost four months old.
Continued on Page 25