february 4.2000 • jM S t M * 2 3
Sine ULABLY
S f lT IS f lt D
HOW TO ENJOY FEB. 1W, WHETHER OR NOT YOU HN/E YOUR OWN FUNNY l/NLENTINE
here is no
reason to he
unhappy
without a
partner just because
coupledom is the
American Gold
Standard.
With that belief
firmly
in mind,
Just Out asked four
Portland therapists
to share some
insights
subject,
into
to get at
the root of feeling
good about our
singular selves.
Vi
fmmnc Love in A ll
tue
R icu t P luces
BY M ariah U reel
t’s that day again. Just when we thought the
j stress and pressure of the holidays were over,
raucous pink and red valentines point large
red arrows at the state of our love lives. If
you’re partnered, there’s the pressure to make
this event the most memorable ever. And if
you’re single, the sight of romantic advertising
may nauseate you. 1 speak from experience.
There was a time in my life when I was
dragged kicking and screaming into the single
life. Without quite realizing it, I had pretty
much always managed to he in some relation
ship or another. This time around, I had done
my full measure of grieving for the failed rela
tionship, 1 thought, and therefore was ready for
dating and romance. Wrong. Life had other
plans.
1 couldn’t seem to spark a love interest any
where. Well, there were a few offers from
addicts, the mentally ill and the-not-quite-out-
of-relationship set, hut by that time 1 had
grown up enough to say “no thanks.” I joined
groups, put the word out to friends and even
made a friendly pass in the supermarket. Nada.
Needless to say, 1 felt kicked in the gut of my
self-esteem. Was 1 losing my charm? Did 1 look
so feminine that no one could guess I was a les
bian ? Did 1 have a big sign over my head that
said “failure at relationships” ? And worst of all,
was my desperation showing?
For months 1 whined to friends and listened
to the standard advice— “when you least
expect it...” and “the right one is getting ready
for you,” plus “have you thought of a personal
ad?” and come to think of it, “just wait till
you’re in a relationship, you’ll wish you’d had
more fun with this."
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