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About Just out. (Portland, OR) 1983-2013 | View Entire Issue (Sept. 17, 1999)
. Prostate prospectus Notes on finding a medical provider you and you r prostate can tru st have long maintained that there are places man was never meant to go. “Bend over,” says my doctor. In the pop ular imagination this should be the high light of every gay mans physical examination, what he’s been waiting for all year. “Is this really necessary?” I ask. “Can’t we just pretend?” “It’s better that we have a look," he says. I wouldn’t mind so much if he just wanted to look. “I’ve heard there’s a urine test? Can we try that? I’m really good at peeing in a _ »9 cup. “It’s not included in your health plan.” “I’ll pay,” I tell him. “Money is no issue.” My request is denied. I decide to become an activist for health care reform. “Well, then, can I have a local anesthetic V* “No. This will only take a minute.” I can think of no other delaying tactics. We proceed. He immedi ately encounters very impressive sphincter resistance. “Just relax,” he coos. Relax. We go through this each year. You’d think he’d learn. “You have amazing sphincter control,” he says. “Tighter than a N A SA air lock.” “Thanks.” I’m such a sucker for flat tery. “You know what this says about your personality, don’t you?” he chuckles. Exam room humor. Personally, I don’t see what’s so wrong with being anal reten tive. I mean, just think of the alternative. “You can’t enjoy your work,” I tell him through clenched teeth. “In your case, it’s the challenge.” It’s so difficult to maintain any semblance of dignity and decorum when undergoing a prostate examination. “I take this to mean you’re still not into anal sex?” he probes. “I’m not into anal anything.” He’s really struggling now. He informs me that he works out with weights. I tell him, “Better men than you have tried and failed." He applies more pressure. “Tell me if this becomes uncomfortable.” “Oh, we’re long past uncomfortable. W e’re now approaching my upper pain threshold.” I really don’t understand the appeal of anal sex. He’s considering calling for assistance when he finally pushes through to the inner sanctum, and it’s soon over. “You’re prostate’s fine,” he says cheerfully. “I know,” I tell him grudgingly as I dress. But what about my self-esteem, I want to ask. I feel ravaged. Violated. Not respected. “Are you practicing safer sex?” he asks as he writes of his triumph in my chart. “It doesn’t come any safer.” (Note: The national Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has deter- \ mined that it is virtually impossible ^ $ to contract HIV ffom one’s own “ hand. Going blind, however, is still r a bit of a concern.) “Why aren’t you dating?" He always inquires about my sex life as part of the examination. I appreciate having a doc who is con cerned about my whole health and not just my prostate. I could go into detail, but that would take three to four hours, so I give him the short version: “There’s a strong flake factor in V the gay community. I’m not sure men can be trusted with something as fragile as the human heart.” He assures me that all gay men aren’t flakes. Many value a stable, lov ing relationship. I chal lenge him to name one (and telephone numbers would be helpful, too). It’s important to have the kind of relationship with your doctor in which you can discuss any health con cern, including your sex life. My doc’s a straight man, but he came highly recommended. Other than wishing that he had microscopic fingers, I’m perfectly satisfied with him. I’ve been sur prised at the number of gay and bisexual men who don’t have this kind of relationship with their medical providers. What about you? Does your provider know that you are having sex with other men (or anyway, would like to)? Do you feel comfort able talking with him or her about your sexual behavior and possible risk for HIV and other STDs? Does he or she recommend an HIV test as part of your regular examination? If not, you may want to think about finding a new medical provider. There are several ways of doing this. Talk with gay friends, work asso ciates, tricks. Are they out to their doctors? Would they recommend them? If you’re in an HMO, call membership services and request a gay or at least gay-friendly provider. You can check in Just Out’s Pocketbook and Portland’s Gay and Lesbian Commu- nity Yellow Pages for listings, or call the Gay Resource C on nection— part of the Ore gon AID S Hotline (503) 223-AIDS, (800) 777-A ID S— to get names of gay and gay- friendly docs anywhere in the state. Sexual health is an ' important part of our total health and well-being as gay and bisexual men. It’s important that we have the kind of relationship with our doc tors that allows us to talk openly about our sex lives. Going to your doctor and not being able to discuss your sex life is like taking your car to the mechanic and not having him check under the hood. Or up the tailpipe. ■ O ut W ord is written by members o f Portland G ay Men Writing. To join the group, call (503) 275-0675.
