WHERE'S MR. RIGHT?
As gay men, each of us wants to have a special person in
our life. He should be handsome, fun, sensitive, caring and selfless.
Our ideal man would be created solely for us.We would love him,
but on our terms, and he wouldn’t be needy or difficult. He would
magically fade in and out based on our needs and would share the
same taste in movies, food and hobbies. Of course we’ll never find
such a mythical Mr. Right so we understand that we have to set
tle for less. But even a more lackluster candidate often proves
elusive. Just when we think we’ve found him—poof! he turns out
to be another flake. We have to wonder why there are so few
men capable of intimacy.
Time to pick up the mirror and take a good look at our-
selves.The truth is that most of us are severely handicapped when
it comes to intimacy. Sexual intimacy we understand but emo
tional and spiritual intimacy are foreign concepts. As soon as the
infatuation fades we struggle to stick it out or simply leave alto
gether. Many of us are so afraid of the potential pain of intimacy
that we never risk allowing our emotions to genuinely surface.
We choose to be numb rather than be hurt.
But we are created for intimacy. The 139th Psalm in the
Bible beautifully describes our closeness to God, a relationship
modeled by Jesus in his Ife on earth. Until we find our lives in God
we will be alienated, not only from others, but from our own
selves. Perhaps we should give up the search for Mr. Right until we
are caught up in the love that exceeds all other loves. Then we
will be free to love unconditionally.
A message from the Anawim Community—gay men seeking to follow
Jesus through lives of prayer and service to our gay brothers.
The PRIDE
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L et T hem E at C ake
Sexual minorities who want to marry are still waiting
for that all-important Hawaii court decision by Inga Sorensen
Supporters of marriage
rights gathered Feb. 12
for a Freedom to Marry
Celebration
et’s raise a toast,” encouraged
Bonnie Tinker, “to the notion that it
truly is love that makes a family.”
About 30 men and women lifted
their glasses of sparkling cider to
acknowledge that concept, as well as honor the
loving bond between same-sex couples.
While many lawmakers nationwide contin
ue to seek to deny gay and lesbian twosomes the
right to legally marry, the group, which gath
ered Feb. 12 for Portland’s second Freedom to
Marry Celebration, assembled to call for equal
marriage rights for same-sex couples.
“We would definitely get married if we
could,” says Becky Wamall, 23.
She and her partner, Kristy Hackworth, also
23, held a union ceremony in Corvallis last
summer. Each young woman’s father walked her
down the aisle.
The duo came to the Freedom to Marry
Celebration, held at noon at the Koinonia
House on the Portland State University cam
pus, in downtown Portland, to show their com
mitment not only to each other but also to the
cause.
So too did Jim McBroom and John Weston,
a Lake Oswego couple who have been together
nearly 30 years.
These gay grandparents are eager to hop a
plane to Hawaii, get married and come back
home to test Oregon law.
Only problem is, the Hawaii decision—
which many thought would come down this
past December and pave the way for legal same-
sex marriage—has yet to occur.
“The court has been silent for months," says
Weston, co-chair of the Oregon Freedom to
Marry Coalition, which advocates for legal
recognition of same-sex marriage.
quick recap: In December 1996, Hawaii
Circuit Judge Kevin Chang ruled the state
could not deny marriage licenses to three
and lesbian couples who were seeking to marry.
However, Chang’s ruling in favor of the cou
ples is under appeal to the state Supreme Court,
which ruled in 1993 that denying marriage
licenses to gay men and lesbians amounts to
unconstitutional gender discrimination.
The state Supreme Court in 1993 sent the
case back to circuit court for a new trial, with
the burden on the state to show a compelling
interest to deny marriage licenses to gay men
and lesbians.
Chang’s December 1996 ruling said the state
was unable to show such an interest. However,
he ruled that marriage licenses cannot be issued
to same-sex couples while the case is on appeal
to the state Supreme Court.
State lawmakers then passed a measure
designed to ask voters in a November 1998
A
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queer youth with a caring and
responsible adult who can serve
as a positive role model.
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election to consider ratifying a constitutional
amendment that specifies the Legislature can
limit marriage to opposite-sex couples.
The bill was an attempt to head off court
action to legalize same-sex marriage.
Additionally, the 104th Congress approved
the Defense of Marriage Act, which allows
states to reject same-sex marriages recognized in
other states and defines marriage as the union of
a man and woman for the purposes of benefits
and entitlements from federal programs.
President Clinton signed DOMA into law,
and nearly 30 states have adopted bans on
same-sex marriage.
The Oregon Citizens Alliance is also push
ing a state constitutional amendment for the
November ballot that would legally define a
family as one man, one woman and their off
spring, if any. It would bar legal recognition of
same-sex marriage.
Legal analysts and proponents of same-sex
marriage had speculated the Hawaii ruling
would occur by the end of 1997, theoretically
giving couples a chance to marry before the
November 1998 vote.
Time, however, is slipping away.
“I’m trying to be optimistic,” says Weston.
“It’s the same Supreme Court fas 1993], so it
makes sense that they would have the same
position. However, they could just stay silent.”
ven though the issue's outcome is still in
limbo, supporters of same-sex marriage
from coast to coast celebrated National
Freedom to Marry Day on Feb. 12.
In Seattle advocates held a noontime action
at the King County marriage license office; in
Kansas City a squad of cars decked out in “just
married” style displayed Freedom to Marry mes
sages.
Portland’s event featured a wedding cake,
lavender ribbons and wedding decorations.
gay Two openly gay candidates for the
Multnomah County Commission—state Rep.
George Eighmey in District 1 and Barbara
Wilier in District 3—took a moment to stump,
as did the non-gay Joseph Tam, a Portland
School Board member who is up against
Eighmey in the District 1 race.
Tam, an outspoken friend of the queer com
munity, has worked for many years with Tinker
and her group, Loves Makes a Family Inc.
“If you love someone, you should be allowed
to many that person,” he told the crowd.
E
■ The next meeting of the OREGON FREEDOM TO
M arry C oalition is slated for 7 pm Tuesday,
March 10, at the Metropolitan Community
Church of Portland, 2400 NE Broadway. For
more information, call 228-3892.