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Lesbians report that a g(X)d deal of their
social lives are spent with friends and at private
parties. Gay men do so to a lesser degree, but
both groups say they regret the lack of contact
with a wider age-range of people, which hetero
sexuals have naturally with their children and
grandchildren.
ut there are decided advantages to being
older, and specific advantages to being
gay and older.
Older people in general say that one of the
best things about growing older is that they do
not have to prove anything to anyone anymore.
They can take some satisfaction in their
achievements and express themselves more
freely. They describe themselves as calmer,
more patient, more “mellowed.” In general,
they feel they have developed a broader per
spective on things, even achieved a kind of
“wisdom.”
For older gay men and lesbians specifically,
many of whom have been closeted with regard
to relatives or coworkers, they usually feel they
can stop having to hide their orientation. This
can lead to the feeling that they have finally
eliminated a persistent inner tension of which
they were perhaps only barely conscious. As
one older man remarked to me, “If someone is
unhappy about my being gay, I simply don't
have time for them anymore.”
Gay social service agencies are at last
becoming aware of older gay men and lesbians.
Horizons Community Center in Chicago recent
ly commissioned one of the first needs-assess-
ment surveys of older gay men and lesbians in
hopes of developing beneficial programs.
PHOTO BV LINDA KLIEWER
B
Other cities would do well to follow
Horizons’ lead.
Still, not everything needs to be planned or
solved by social service agencies. Some of
these problems will gradually solve themselves
“as by an invisible hand.” that is. automatically
by people pursuing their own self-interest.
As openly gay men grow older, not all of
them will want to abandon the clubs and bars
they have grown accustomed to. so the age mix
in all but the noisiest and most frenetic of the
bars may gradually come to include more older
gay men. And of course, with more bars there is
more specialization of types, and some will
come to be preferred by older men.
As queer youth notice more older gay men
and lesbians in their midst—and get to know
them even a little—more contacts will develop
between age groups, which can lead to out-of-
the-bar socializing as well. Certainly, in com
munities with well-developed social, political,
sports, cultural, religious and social service
organizations, there are already ample opportu
nities for older gay men and lesbians to meet
one another as well as younger queers, with the
additional advantage of a shared interest.
Ultimately, of course, people’s lives are their
own responsibility. Older gay men and lesbians
who feel isolated, or who find themselves in
communities that lack gay- or elder-friendly
support services, may find that they need to take
more personal initiative. But who better than us
to prove that activism is ageless?
Paul Varnell, age 56, writes fo r Chicago's
Windy City Times and is a contributor to
Beyond Queer, edited by Bruce Bawer.
Warren James
Hge LUis e : Many older gay men and lesbians grow into
greater self-acceptance and self-determination
▼
by Paul Varnell
he aging of the community might have
been more obvious earlier if it weren't
for the fact that AIDS swept through
killing off many gay men who would now be in
their 40s and 50s.
But the onward pace of aging continues.
And researchers have begun studying older gay
men and lesbians to see what they can learn
about their lives, their problems and their poten
tial.
On the whole, older gay people have the
same feelings about aging that older heterosex
uals have. They worry about the possibility of
declining health and their ability to take care of
themselves. Some worry about reduced income
after retirement and wonder if their pension and
retirement plans will be adequate for their
needs. They worry that their partner or friends
might die before they do and leave them social
ly and emotionally isolated.
Older people look for ways to stay active
after retirement, to remain involved in the com
munity, to feel they are useful and productive
and learning new things.
But some concerns seem to differentiate sex
ual minorities from heterosexuals, and even gay
men from lesbians.
Gay men. who may view the social “gay
T
community” as focused on youth and hand
someness, express concern about the loss of
youthful appearance and sexual attractiveness,
which they see as threatening a previous source
of self-esteem as well as the possibilities for
sexual intimacy.
Lesbians, some of whom may have been
married and gotten a late start on the job ladder,
may express more concern about financial secu
rity than do gay men. On the other hand, les
bians report that they develop a greater accep
tance of their bodies as they grow older, if only
as part of a general self-acceptance.
Like heterosexuals, gay men and lesbians
voice concern about loneliness and social isola
tion as they age. The threat for gay men tends to
be more obvious because many of their age
group have already died from AIDS. I came out
in the mid-1970s, for instance, and of the
friends I met in the first few years of being out,
more than half are dead.
Older gay men and lesbians report that it is
not easy to find places to meet new friends in
their own age group. Although bars and clubs
are a primary place for younger gay people to
gather and meet others, older gay men say they
feel a bit out of place there. And —trust me on
this—they really do play the music too loud.
PHOTO BY LINOA KLIEWER
Continued from cover
Jean DeMaster