30 ▼ January 5, 1090 ▼ just out
A M A Z O N
inkling of the way this has touched Oregon.
Candace Steele, Northwest regional director of
PFLAG, was very close to both women. Michelle had
recently taken over the local PFLAG newsletter from
Chuck Steele. The Steeles have two lesbian daugh
ters. Their lives revolve around our human rights
struggle. Candace is the more outgoing of the couple,
and it is impossible to be in her presence without
feeling adopted and unconditionally loved. Bill and
Rex were also family to the Steeles. Despite— or
because of—their enormous losses this year, Candace
has been the backbone of the community response to
the murders. To be hugged by and to hug Candace is
to know solace and inspiration— and Candace has
been dispensing hugs without reserve. She has also
been talking to the police and the media, straight and
gay— an indefatigable spokesperson. She has always
been a heroine for me; now she is a paragon.
Marcy Westerling seems mild-mannered and
unprepossessing until you spend five minutes in her
company. She founded and directs the Rural Orga
nizing Project, the group that has done the most to
connect, direct and empower the human rights activ
ists in Oregon’s isolated areas. She, too, has donated
Keeping the spirit alive
A community rocked by the murder o f two women rallies
under a legacy of love
▼
by L ee L y n ch
his is the most difficult column I’ve
on about the newscast that showed a smirk on the face
ever written. Not because Michelle
of the creature who has been charged with this
Abdill and Roxie Ellis, the two women
outrage. I want to harangue you, and myself, until
m u rd ered in M ed fo rd , are hard
w e...
Until we what? Avenge the deaths of these vital
to write about. In these rural parts they
were important to their various communities.
women? Arm ourselves so it never happens again?
Do a publicity blitz until the world acknowledges that
Although I never had the honor of meeting them,
gay murders do not happen in a vacuum? Wish the
many people I respect and care about were in their
death penalty on their sick killer? Rage at the radical
lives, either through PFLAG, other human rights
right for creating an atmosphere where women and
organizations, or lesbian social life.
gay people are so devalued that our lives are expend
My difficulty is a matter of restraint. I don’t want
able? Pull the plug on hate radio to stop comments
to put incendiary thoughts to paper. I don’t want to
like “They stoned people like this in the Bible” and
sow doubt, fear and hate. That’s not what Roxie and
“They deserved it”— both of
Michelle were about. In the week of horror and terror
which listeners have reported
that included the announcement that two dykes were
missing, the discovery of their bodies, and the capture
hearing since the deaths.
of a suspect, I learned a lot about these two women.
As Elizabeth H allett o f
Peace House in Ashland said at
They moved to Oregon about five years ago from
one sharing service, “Whatever
conservative Colorado Springs, thinking they could
the motive, Roxie and Michelle
be more free here. When the 1992 anti-gay initiative
have been killed out of hate.”
hit the Oregon ballot they fought to keep that new
found freedom; fought as out lesbians in a county that
The Medford Police Depart
ment is working on this case
passed an anti-gay initiative. They did the same when
with great respect and sensitiv
the radical right attacked again in 1994.
ity. What I witnessed in this
Roxie was a mother and a grandmother. My
week of great tribulation was
friend Anna was in tears as she described how close
w hat Roxie and M ichelle
Roxie and her daughter Lorri and Lorri’ s little daugh
helped build. People pulled to
ter were. “They were just so cute together,” she said.
gether as I could not have imag
Michelle’s mom has a real estate business in the
ined. Our work since the Or
Medford area, and Michelle was a broker. Roxie and
egon Citizens Alliance began
Michelle owned a property management business. At
its onslaught has created a mag
a sharing service I attended, testimony was given to
nificent population of people-
their stature in the business community both by
loving people, non-gays side
speakers and by the presence of so many non-gay
by side with gays. I watch daily
business people, in particular, their fellow real estate
as we turn tragedy to triumph,
agents.
hate to love, fear to courage.
When two activist friends of the women, Bill and
A few days after the killings
Rex, partners who died within months of each other,
(how that word sticks in my
entered their final AIDS-related illnesses, it was
throat) a lesbian said to me, “So
Michelle and Roxie who provided them not only care
are you gonna have a good
but care with class. Nor did Roxie and Michelle limit
Christmas?” She’d caught me between bouts of tears.
their volunteer work to gay people. They were active
“I’m trying,” I told her, “but with what’s hap
in their church, where they commanded and received
pened this week, I can’t even think of the holidays.”
respect and inclusion.
The woman had come out well before gay libera
How many of us can say we’ve done even half this
tion and lives by the old codes of the closet. “Y es,” she
much for our communities? How many of those of us
said, “that was terrible, but we have to put it behind us
who are left are appreciated like these women were?
now.”
How many of us are willing to pick up their work and
I knew how she felt. Hadn’t one of my first fearful
carry it on?
reactions
to the murders included thoughts of chuck
That is what makes this column so hard to write.
ing my pen? But 1 said to her, “No, we can’t put this
I want to beat my chest and tear my hair and scream
behind us or it will never stop happening!” Magnify
at the heavens. I try not to imagine what these women
my little display by thousands and you might have an
went through in their last hours. I want to go on and
T R A IL
T
her life to the cause of human dignity. Out of that
dedication has come insightful leadership that seems
to effortlessly cut through divisiveness and rhetoric.
She moved in with the Steeles, turning what could
have been a time of hysteria and complete loss of
spirit into an opportunity for diverse communities to
bond and carry forward Roxie and Michelle’s work.
Rumor control, group grieving, group processing,
press conferences, state and nationwide communica
tion— Marcy has taken the energy of grief and trans
formed it into a force for change. For me, Marcy
Westerling defines the concept of leadership.
Who answers your phone
when you’re not available?
/1 N 5 W E R
H M E R IC A,
Answering Service
Cherie Garland, president of the local PFLAG,
told me that herhusband, Jerry, has described Michelle
and Roxie as their daughters— and like sisters and
mothers. “Do well by them,” Cherie instructed me.
I grieve inexpressibly the loss of two who made a
difference, and I treasure our living heroes. Each of
our lives has value beyond measure: Bill, who was the
contact person for the Jackson County Human Rights
Coalition; the closeted lesbian who wanted to—but
will never— forget the murders. Because of them, I
must help keep the spirits of Michelle and Roxie alive
in my own work.
There is no way I can fully describe the loss of
Roxie and Michelle, or adequately portray these
vibrant, generous and well-loved women. Cherie
Garland has given me permission to do better than
that, to reprint some of Michelle’s words left as
footprints to follow:
“From time to time I’ve been thunked on the head
(figuratively speaking!) and reminded that everyone
walks a different path. By that I mean I’ve found that
life is a journey, and we all move on that journey in our
own very personal fashion. That includes moving at
our own pace.
“Some of us have been dealing with, or ‘walking
with,’ the knowledge that our child, parent, loved one
or self is gay for a very long time. But for others this
is fresh news. Sometimes it is also a fresh raw wound.
“I’ve experienced my own frustration when ev
eryone I know is not as ‘enlightened’ (read this with
tongue firmly in cheek) as myself. I want to wave my
magic wand and make it OK. But it doesn’t happen
that way. Recently I met a wonderful parent who told
me that he thinks he and his wife may be ready to try
PFLAG again. I was curious about this and asked
why they hadn’t been ready before. He shared that the
pain and confusion had just been too overwhelming
to share, even with a PFLAG group. Immediately I
stiffened and wanted to say, ‘But that’s what PFLAG
is for. A place for you to bring that pain and confusion.
A place to be with people who have felt the same
things.’ But for once I bit my tongue and said, ‘Good,
I hope the time is right for you, w e’d love to have you
come.’
“Has PFLAG become a place only for those who
are comfortable with the gay issue? I don’t believe so,
and in talking with him, neither did he. I believe that
we all walk our own path, and when the time is right
we will come to a place where we can reach out and
accept the hand offered to us.
“Let us always offer that hand, knowing we can’t
force people to accept it, and always be willing to
listen to individual needs and concerns, knowing that
not everyone walks our path.” (Editorial, “Jefferson
Banner, ” the newsletter o f PFLAG o f Southern Or
egon and Northern California, March/April 1995.)
A memorial fund has been established in order
to create a "safe house” fo r lesbians and gay
men. Please send donations to PFLAG, The
Abdill/Ellis Memorial Fund, PO Box 13,
Ashland, OR 97520.
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