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About Just out. (Portland, OR) 1983-2013 | View Entire Issue (Aug. 4, 1995)
Just out ▼ august 4, I M S ▼ 19 ]NTo E nd to the G rieving Continued from page 17 M o r e than “ g rie f overload ” o r “ bereavem ent bu rn o u t” " M o s t disasters AID S-R elated M ultiple Loss Syndrome de fines the condition formerly categorized by the terms “ g rie f overload” and “ bereavement burn out,” which were used to describe mourners who have insufficient time to complete the normal bereavement process leading to recovery before other deaths compound the situation. Klein found that never before in modem history has such a young group been forced to endure so much ongoing death and loss o f their peers. A n average person goes into a three- to six-month depression after the loss o f someone close to them, but in the modem lesbian and gay community many expe rience repeated losses before com ing to closure for the initial losses. This results in a constant depression, feelings o f hopelessness, lack o f planning for the future, reckless livin g and apa thy. I h a v e an e n d in g , m I d e f in e d p h a s e s * of recovery and reb irth . F o r th e I s u r v iv o r s o f m u ltip le losses d u e to A I D S , th e re has b e e n I n o p o s t-tr a u m a . J In d iv id u a ls w h o J j f a c e loss a fte r j loss rea listica lly D iscrim ination an d hom oph obia conspire against the su rvivors o f A I D S It is not uncommon for a gay male in Los Angeles, for example, to have lost more than 50 friends and acquaintances over the last several years. The people with A ID S and their survivors are generally under 40. Klein reported that “ The ever present possibility o f early death leads to a sense o f fatalism, with a lack o f enthusiasm for long-term goal planning. There is simply no equivalent to this experience in the nongay com munity. W h ile a pandemic might be compared to natural disasters in which a large proportion o f a particular community is wiped out, there are important differences.... [Ordinarily when a] disaster occurs, broad emotional and financial support for the survivors becomes available. For the survivors o f A ID S , however, discrimination and homophobia conspire to keep them socially isolated and stigmatized.” Klein warns that such multiple losses often lead survivors to turn inward, with long-term and sometimes irreparable consequences including emotional numbing, depression, inability to emote, and pervasive expressions o f pessimism, cynicism, fatalism and insecurity. with clea rly j cannot be e x p e c t e d to b o u n ce back , as e a c h g r i e v i n g p r o c e s s is com pounded * b y th e o n e I b e f o r e it a n d is c o m p lic a te d b y th e a n tic ip a tio n o f m o r e to com e. " — Sandra .|;uol>\ klrin traditional model o f g rie f and mourning, with numerous obstacles to effective resolution.” She has documented that compounding the loss o f friends and loved ones are the difficulties o f often having to hide the importance o f friendships that were often homosexual affairs, or hiding the cir cumstances o f death from co-workers and others that ordinarily would be the source o f some sup port during the difficult times. don’ t care, or that people aren’ t doing anything about it, or even the erroneous assumption that things aren’ t as bad as they used to be.” Klein explains, “ When you ’ re involved in g rie f and you feel like a lone survivor, you just don’ t have energy the way you used to. I think that the syndrome is debilitating in ways that people are not even aware. It can often lead to things like “ A n d now , to deal w ith so apathy and cynicism and just an inability to get m any people d y in g ...” involved or continue to be involved in trying to change things.” Dan Bjierke, M .A ., M .F.C.C., has his private S y n d ro m e attacks the root o f practice in San D iego and works 20 hours per gay p o w e r— its spirit Klein also feels that it is important to under week at C IA C C IO M emorial, a long-standing stand that the prolonged emotional numbing com H IV clinic. When asked i f he agreed with K lein ’ s A ID S ’ devastation o f the surviving gay com monly noticed in victims o f multiple loss should munity is more far-reaching and deadly than most be seen as a natural result o f an individual who findings, Bjierke replied, “ I absolutely agree. have realized. M any G ay people in their 30s are dealing with develop repeatedly watches his H IV -n egative people or her friends die after mental issues that previously only elders dealt "G a y people in their 30s are dealing prolonged illness. She have had their lives per- with. It is a loss o f their m id-life phase, where with developmental issues that m an en tly d am a ged , people should be thriving. M any people lost their says, “ M ost disasters and the pandemic has have an ending, with adolescence when they were gay, and now, to previously only elders dealt with. been sapping the entire clearly defined phases deal with so many people dying, it’ s a loss o f It is a loss o f their mid-life phase, gay community o f its focusing on thriving. I think it could affect [them] o f recovery and rebirth. where people should be thriving. energy, determination, for the rest o f their lives.” W hen asked if he For the survivors o f M a n y people lost their adolescence optim ism , spirit and meant the syndrome could put a survivor into a multiple losses due to when they were gay, and now, to deal A ID S , there has been no political clout. negative rut for the rest o f his or her life, Bjierke Bjierke has regu continued, “ Sure, in fact the rut itself can lead to post-trauma. Individu with so many people dying, larly observed the dam risky sexual behavior.” als who face loss after it’s a loss o f focusing on thriving. ” age to gay activism, and Klein has interpreted multiple loss in a broader loss realistically cannot states, “ There is just a sense to reflect the many other types o f A ID S - be expected to bounce cloud o f g rie f that has related losses that interact and reinforce one back, as each grieving truly affected our ability to work collectively another, such as loss o f sense o f community, loss process is compounded by the one before it and is towards life-prom oting issues. I know that it has o f sexual freedom, loss o f hope for the fiiture, complicated by the anticipation o f more to come. bound people together in very specific causes, but loss o f employment stability due to the stigma There is insufficient time between traumas to overall, I feel there is a lack o f collective energy, attached to H IV and A ID S , loss o f privacy and work through the complex grief process.” because o f the number o f people that are dealing personal pow er resulting from the “ outing” o f Sandra Jacoby Klein M.A., M.F.T., has 20 with A ID S themselves as w ell as the people who sexual orientation when H IV status becomes years o f experience in g rief therapy and has are suffering individual losses. The collective known, and loss due to disease-related personal had her research findings regarding AIDS- power is decreased. I don’ t know anyone who ity changes o f people still alive. Related Multiple Loss Syndrome repeatedly hasn’ t been affected by these losses.” “ G ay survivors face a number o f unique is published in professional journals f o r the Asked i f she thinks that current lack o f interest sues related to their multiple losses throughout therapeutic community. She began working in activism relates to the syndrome, Klein replies, the A ID S pandemic,” Klein says. “ T h e grieving with A ID S survivors in 1982 at The AIDS process for gay survivors o f individuals who | “ Yes, I do, because the survivors get numbed out. Project-Los Angeles. have died from A ID S is quite different from the I Even more than the loss is the sense that people —Dan Bjierke Sandra Jacoby Klein offers these coping strategies for survivors of multiple losses: 1 - Becom e actively involved with friends and social support systems and use those networks as forums to discuss feel ings and stresses. 2 * Take occasional H IV or A ID S “ vacations” to avoid being constantly re minded o f the disease. This might involve short trips out o f town or even just refrain ing from taking all the usual medications for a b rief period o f time. 3 . Engage in sym bolic rituals and ceremonies, both personal and shared. A t the personal level, a big fat candle can represent “ Loss.” It can be lighted each time a deceased friend comes to mind. Candles also can be lighted to symbolize those livin g with H IV and their significant others. Find a new place in your life for those who have died, a place in which their specialness can enrich your life. W elcom e them when they walk through your dreams, and realize that they still play an important part in your life. A t the community level, become in volved in efforts such as the N A M E S Project Quilt, which symbolizes a continu ing reinvestment in life and hope. Engage in volunteer activities to help those less fortunate. Ideally, active participation con nects to personal empowerment, contrib uting to an enhanced ability to cope with the situation. 3 . Learn to focus anger, harnessing and using the emotional energy to positive effect. A cknow ledge the anger within and rechannel it into helpful modes— dance, draw or paint, or learn a musical instru ment. Use the emotional energies released by anger to explore your underlying and previously neglected emotions. Pay special attention to your own self-care, including groom ing, exercise, nutrition, fluid intake and adequate rest. 7 . Understand that you always have choices, and learn how to choose the best alternatives given your current situation, know ledge and resources. Create a sense o f being ¡ft control by identifying those areas in which you can still “ take charge.” W h ile you cannot change the inevitability o f death, you can change your attitude. 8 . A lw ays hold on to your sense o f humor and appreciate the lighter side o f even the darkest situations A s George Bernard Shaw said, “ L ife does not cease to be funny when people die, any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh.” W e’re interested in hearing about the ways that Just Out readers deal with the profou n d loss w e’ve all experienced. H ow do you co p e? W e’d tike to publish y ou r ideas in a fu tu re issue. M a ybe y o u r strat egy w ould com e as a welcom e gift fo r som eone else w h o’s having a tough time. Send us y o u r recipes f o r healing; let’s share the wisdom w e’ve gained. Send y o u r copin g strategies to Just Out, PO B o x 14400, Portland, O R 97214-0400; e-m a il to Ju stO ut2 @ a ol.com ; o r fa x to 236-1257. Please include a way f o r us to contact yo u during the day.