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To the Editor:
I just finished reading your article “The Great
Divide” [Just Out, May 5,1995] as well as the letters
in response, and I agree that at some times men and
women need their separate places. But there is no
need to be rude about it. And I do believe we can get
along. W e have worked together on m any issues.
Lesbians have worked with AIDS prevention and
education even though we are not nearly as affected
as gay men.
VWien we are together we need to be respectful.
Some men may have a tendency to be snobby and
somewhat sexist. I heard one woman say “straight
men, at least, have an incentive to pretend they
respect us.” A lack o f respect and being ignored
annoys us most.
W omen need to change some things too. We
need not assume all men are chauvinists, but judge
them as any other. I am sure we would be willing to
compromise on this.
As we struggle for equality and gay rights we
must not become what we are trying to overcome.
It’s not that we have to be sickeningly sweet to one
another, just treat each other as equals. If we do not,
what kind o f example is that setting? If we cannot
even get along with each other, how can we expect
to get anywhere in the rest of the world?
Allison Hector, age 13
Vancouver, Wash.
REINFORCEMENT
I HIV UNIVERSITY
Long-term
Survival
a panel of long-term survivors talk
about getting there.
Ju n e 29
Understanding HIV
Pathogenesis
A suttelite downlink of a national
leaders' teleconference. Not to lx*
missed. 3-5:30 pm. I.oren/en
Conference Center, Emanuel
Hospital. 2801 N. Gantenbein
July 6
A course of classes
designed to train, inform
and support people
living with and affected
by HIV. Free classes
start at 5:30 pm. Reser
vations: HIV U Infoline
at 503-223-6339,
ext. 111.
Nutrition
A nutrition expert from AIDS
Project Eos Angeles speaks
about all of the latest specific
developments.
July
T o the Editor:
I would like to address the issue o f discrimina
tion against lesbians at Starky’s. In July of 1993 I
made dinner reservations for eight people at 8 pm at
Starky’s to celebrate my partner’s 29th birthday.
W hile we were waiting to be seated, one of the
members o f our party gave my partner a birthday
hug and a kiss. This was not an “open mouth” kiss,
but the kind o f kiss one would give their mother or
grandmother. The hug was brief and involved no
“groping.” Archie, the owner of Starky’s, saw this
and yelled across the restaurant, “Are you people
here for dinner, or are you here to make out!”
His statement was so ludicrous that at first we
thought he was joking, but when he approached us
we knew he was not only serious, but angry, aggres
sive and intimidating. Everyone in the restaurant
stopped what they were doing and looked at us. The
woman who hugged and kissed my partner was so
humiliated that she started crying.
At that point I became angry and told Archie that
he was out of line and had no reason to treat us in such
a manner. He told us to get out and not come back.
W e left the restaurant and, to our surprise, so did
two tables o f men who were in the middle of their
meals. They apologized to us for Archie’s behavior.
The men said that although they had heard o f dis
crimination at Starky’s, they did not frequent the
restaurant/bar that often and had never witnessed it
before. They assured us that they would not be
returning. W e thanked them for their support.
I have been a patron of many fine dining estab
lishments in Portland and I have always been re
ceived as a valued customer. Never, before or since,
have I received the treatment that I received from my
"brother” Archie. If you think that this was an
isolated incident, you are wrong.
Lara C. M iller
Portland
13
Exercise
Making a bod) strong. A leading
exercise physiologist shares his
program for people living with
HIV
Don’t come back
A less than perfect evening
HIV University is funded by the
Ryan White Care Act (Title 1)
To the Editor:
W hen I read my old singing pal Gregory
Franklyn’s l e t t e r Out ,M ay 19,1995], I thought,
“right on!”
So you can imagine my surprise and anger when
I boarded the May 20 Lesbian Starlight Cruise and
Dance Party II ship with my partner and found a man
already on board. No, not a gay one, but apparently
a straight one at that. In their flyer [cruise organizers]
stated that this cruise was chartered “exclusively for
us,” which I understood to be lesbians. Was 1 wrong?
Even though he did stay away from the majority
o f the partygoers on board, and seemed to be un
aware of what was going on around him, he was
drunk and loud, which put a serious dam per on really
enjoying the cruise through starlight and water for
many o f us.
W ho let this jerk on board and why?
And yes, there were also two gay m en who came
aboard, which was irritating, in so m uch as this was
advertised as a lesbian space for the evening. But at
least they were queer, nonthreatening, and they had
the manners to stay pretty much apart from the main
activities. (Although I seriously doubt that a lesbian
couple would have been as easily accepted aboard a
starlight cruise for m en.)
Then to add insult to injury, the hors d ’oeuvres
were a joke. Tw o sickly trays o f tasteless gray
chicken wings, one tray o f cubed cheese, a tray o f
assorted crackers, and a few rolls of Philly cheese
wrapped with ham! Hardly enough for four or five
hungry wimmin, let alone the mob on board. This
was served without even a toothpick, and no party
plates. The drinks were much too pricey, too.
Bitchy? I don’t think so! I paid the price o f two
tickets for a special anniversary gift to my partner—
a night o f celebration, or so I thought. W e probably
w on’t be so quick to go on another ad verti sed lesbian
cruise, even though we did enjoy the weather and
being on the water with the city lights around us. Too
bad, it could have been a perfect evening.
Shan Leslie
Vancouver, Wash.
Worse things than
being labeled
T o the Editor:
Gays and lesbians can be excused if they are
surprised a co u rt in T ran sy lv an ia approving
Rom ania’s first sex-change operation did so on the
grounds that the individual’s mental disability was
handicapping [“W orld Briefs,” Just Out, M ay 19,
1995],
Few people can imagine the disgust and self-
loathing transsexuals feel for their genitals, nor do
they understand the impossible obstacle to even a
semblance o f normal life that having the “wrong”
genitals m eans for us. It is not necessary to under
stand, however, to appreciate the depths of despair
that drive some o f us to attempt, as I did, to cut o ff the
horrors ourselves. Such desperation was one o f the
facts that led legal, medical and psychiatric profes
sionals to offer their considered opinions that sex-
reassignm ent surgery was, for me, a medical neces
sity.
However distasteful being labeled with a mental
disability m ay strike some, the fact is that any
stigmatization resulting from being so labeled is
solely the result o f prejudice: “handicapped” is
exactly how I felt while still afflicted with genitals I
could neither use nor tolerate.
Those gays and lesbians— and yes, transsexu
als— tempted to remove the label of “mental disor
der” from transsexualism as the last vestige remain
ing from the days when homosexuality was consid
ered a “defect” would do well to consider that doing
so, absent an alternative medical diagnosis, will
result in the majority o f transsexuals losing the one
avenue they have to escape the anguish that is the
hallmark o f our existence prior to sex-reassignment.
T he n ex t tim e you h e a r so m eo n e claim
transsexualism isn’t a mental disorder keep in mind
that if I hadn’t been diagnosed with that particular
mental disorder as an adolescent, instead of living to
be a middle-aged woman I would have been a dead
boy.
There are worse things than being considered to
have a mental disorder. Trust me.
M argaret Deirdre O ’Haitigan
Portland