ju st o u t T a prit 7. 1 9 0 9 ▼ 19
ately.
• We will establish a savings account for you, so
that when you leave you have some money in the
bank to get a car or your own apartment or what­
ever it is you need to do to get started.
“In exchange for that we expect some things
from you:
• You may not smoke in the house. We discour­
age smoking. Smoking is permitted outside the
house.
• We will not allow weapons of any kind in the
house.
• You will take school seriously. If you are
having trouble, we will get tutors or whatever is
necessary.
• If school is not working out, you must be
involved in something to improve yourself. Hang­
ing out is not an option.
• You must respect our privacy.
• You must make some good decisions when
you’re out. Officially, you may not do drugs or
drink. However, when you’re out with young
people, that’s going to come up whether we like it
or not, so you must rapidly begin developing a
detection system so you can tell when things are
moving into uncomfortable territory and it’s time
to move while you can, in which case you call us
immediately. We’ll come pick you up. You will
not be punished. We will undoubtedly talk about it.
• As long as you make good decisions, you can
do a lot of things and have a lot of personal freedom
and we’ll have some really good times.
“These are young people who have never had to
do chores. We have been spectacular failures at
encouraging the idea that ‘Many hands make light
work.’ Their allowance is just that. It’s not a wage.
Young people need to have a certain amount of
money for their daily needs. It isn’t linked to how
many times they wash dishes. If they want to wash
dishes and mow lawns and wash the car, then
there’s an opportunity to make more money. When
they need more money they know they can earn it.
“Two straight boys were placed here for sev­
eral months. They had each been sexually abused
in their own homes by parents and
boyfriends of parents. Over 90 per­
cent of all sexual abuse is done by
heterosexual m en— fathers, the
mother’s boyfriend, uncles, teachers,
ministers, doctors—the people who
are supposed to be giving children
comfort and care. These straight young
people had to be placed in a gay home
to protect them from straight people.
We made it clear that no one would be
abused in this home, neither sexually
nor psychologically nor verbally nor
physically nor nutritionally, although
they seem to abuse me auditorily when
they play rap music—or if I have to
hear ‘I Will Always Love You’ one
more time!
"It is very dismaying to hear these
young people’s inner-city views of
life. So, when we sit down at the table
every night there’s no TV. There’re
napkins and stemware, the whole
works— we’re not talking Waterford
here—but stemware and soft light
and music and conversation at the
table. This is a totally new experience
for these young people. I think they
really appreciate it. There isn’t a topic they can’t
openly and rationally discuss here.
“My partner works. Since I am retired I have
plenty of time to teach social interaction. I’m at
home, so I do most of the at-home things. People
who are working all day may come home tired and
not want to deal with someone who has very
serious problems. So they may want to consider
someone younger who does not have many inap­
propriate behaviors. However, the more difficult
the young person is considered to be by the state,
the more money it provides for his or her care. In
that case it may be financially feasible to stay home
and have this be your work. We are financially
comfortable through our own resources, although
the state’s provision is one of the reasons we are
TAKE THE
F inancial
C hallenge
O ut of aids
He added, "Eventually,
when I get older. I'll probably
adopt one or two kids. I want to
have kids, but I’m not going to
go out and get married just to
have kids. 1 love kids. I have a
natural talent with kids. I like
the family scenario. I want my
own family. The only problem I
have is finding somebody who
wants a family too.”
able to spend so much money on the boys. One of
their friends gets an allowance here every week.
He has stopped stealing. All he needed was to have
a little money in his pocket. He couldn’t get even
the basic things he needed without stealing. We do
encourage young people to get jobs.”
I asked the foster son if it made a difference to
be in a gay home. He replied, “Yes, because they
can understand what I’m going through. Even a
gay-friendly straight person could never under­
stand what a gay person has logo through growing
up. I’ve done a lot better this year than last year and
every year before that. I’m very happy. I can see
my life going in a positive direction. Instead of
ending up like my brother [in jail], I can end up
like...Whitney Houston!” he laughed.
im Fisher concluded,
"There’s nothing about
sexual orientation that
automatically makes us better
parents. However, we have to
really plan our families and not
have our kids by mistake or
casually or because it’s expected
of us, but the opposite in that
we really make this choice to
have kids and think of all the
considerations. We have this
enormous drive and desire. We
are going against society's ex­
pectations. We work at research­
ing and networking and dealing
with our families and our neighbors and gathering
support. We have been asked so many times, ‘Is it
fair to the kids? What are you going to do about
schools?’ and we’ve thought through so many
things before we get to the first diaper that it helps
to make us good parents. Those are part of good
parenting skills. Our kids arc really special be­
cause they’re so planned for, so wanted and trea­
sured.”
Gay fathers by choice often do not feel a need
for genetic connection with their children. Their
parental feelings bypass biology logo right to the
heart of the matter. Regardless of the method used
in determining where the children come from, each
of these families is a conscious creation formed
around a core of love.
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I f you are living with AIDS and lack financial freedom,
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