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Dating in the ’90s
To the Editor:
At the end of September I had the privilege of
spending four days in San Francisco, working on
HIV-prevention issues with a caring group of
people from across the western United States.
Although that work holds great meaning for me,
I think the most impactful moment of the trip
occurred on the sidewalk outside my hotel.
I noticed two teens walking, holding hands,
window shopping (at the GAP, where else?) and
generally enjoying each other’s company on one
of summer’s last days. Both were young men
(boys?), one maybe 16, and the other maybe a
year younger.
The older of the two turned to a woman
standing about 10 feet behind them and said
something like “Mom, is it OK if Jason stays with
us for dinner tonight?” Mom replied, "Well, it’s
all right with me, as long as he calls his mother to
be sure it’s OK with her.”
Here were two young guys on a date, with a
mother who cared more about good parenting
than her son’s orientation.
It’s becoming more and more important to me
to notice and call attention to the social progress
we have made, even as others attempt to block it.
Jim Clay
Portland
Adding to the confusion
To the Editor:
I read with interest and concern the editorial
[“Playing devil’s advocate,” Just Out, Sept. 2,
1994]. In it there was mention that the transsexual
community has been misunderstood. This oc
curred even in the editorial. Transsexuals are
often confused with transvestites and drag queens.
A mention was further made suggesting that a
conference of “cross-dressers and transsexuals”
had denied association with the term “gay .’’Trans
sexuals represent only one in 20,000 people,
while one in 100 men is a transvestite. At such a
gathering described in the editorial, they would
outnumber us 400 to 1! Any conference that
claims to be for both transvestites (cross-dress
ers) and transsexuals would have only token
numbers of transsexuals at most. The gathering is
really just for straight men with a fetishistic
interest in wearing womens’ clothing, often their
wives’. Of course they denied being called gay!
Transsexuals have historically fallen into two
camps, the ones trying to assimilate into straight
society and those trying to assimilate into gay
society. Only recently have transsexuals begun to
come— as transsexuals—into the gay commu
nity in large numbers. We have felt too afraid to
do so before. We were trashed by the “Big L”
lesbian crowd, Mary Daly, Janice Ramond, Alix
Dobkin, etc. We were disowned by the “straight
look” and “macho” gay male crowds, only to be
pushed into the drag queen scene—and then only
accepted in bars, not at the pride parades. But
why would a lesbian male-to-female transsexual
hang out in a gay male bar?
The reason that acceptance of transsexuals is
happening now is partly due to our own political
work within the gay community. We have been
working quietly and patiently for two decades.
Journals such as Transsexual News Telegraph
and TransSisters are forging new ties and greater
understanding between the transsexual and gay
communities at large. We are gaining acceptance
from the younger gay generation. The one that
grew up after Stonewall had become a historical
event to be looked back on. Groups like Queer
Nation and the Lesbian Avengers are openly
accepting of transsexual members. At a recent
conference of lesbian physicians. Dr. Joy Shaffer
gave a talk on transsexuals and the gay commu
nity. She noted that the age group 45-60 was very
antagonistic, while those younger or older were
sympathetic. Those in their 20s, the “Generation
X,” were supportive to the point of hero worship.
Thus the future of transsexual acceptance in the
gay community is secure.
Candice Hellen Brown
Portland
What’s reasonable?
To the Editor:
I am writing to thank Just Out for its editorial
[“The issue is NAMBLA,” July 1, 1994] de
nouncing the North American Man/Boy Love
Association and to offer a few clues for the
individuals who then w rote in defending
NAMBLA.
It’s very true that there are reasonable contro
versies around when young people should be able
to decide to have sex with older people, and
NAMBLA is quite right to question 18 years [as
the] age of consent. It’s also true that there are
reasonable controversies about what percent of
the population is gay, and the OCA is quite right
to question unthinking support for the 10 percent
Figure. But neither the OCA nor NAMBLA stop
with what is reasonable.
The bottom line is, NAMBLA stands for no
age of consent laws at all. Their official line is that
all sex should be legal unless someone can prove
it was coerced— which means sex with babies is
always OK (they never say no) and usually sex
with 2- or 5-year-olds, since they are unlikely to
come up with a coherent complaint.
Adults have tremendous power over children
and a tremendous ability to hurt them when they
use those children for sexual purposes. This is
true even when they “talk the child into it.” I have
talked with many sexual abuse survivors, gay and
straight, and it is amazing the level of pain still
experienced 20 or more years after the event. If
NAMBLA wants to be considered respectable, it
needs to propose reasonable means to protect
children against exploitation and damage. Till it
does so, it no more deserves the support of the gay
community than does the OCA, the KKK, or
whatever.
Ron Unger
Eugene
No evil agenda
To the Editor:
Excuse me?! What Film did you actually see,
Ms. O ’Hartigan? I saw a Film of the same name
(Priscilla, Queen o f the Desert) and had a totally
different experience. Sorry, but this Film has no
evil agenda. You, on the other hand, have an
agenda: It is called knee-jerk political correct
ness.
Portrayal of real-life situations, such as vio
lence against a particular group of people, does
not necessarily endorse violence. It is the context
in which it is depicted which determines endorse
ment. However, this subtlety is lost on people
who are hung up on the politically correct band
wagon. The unquestioning embrace of a package
of ideas and dogma such as political correctness
is no different from embracing religious funda
mentalism. It only requires a mind that will not
think, sort out, and decide for itself.
As a transsexual, undoubtedly Ms. O ’Hartigan
has experienced a fair amount of the unpleasant
side of human nature in our society. It is obvious
that her bitterness has rendered her incapable of
any objectivity in her review. As a result she
appears sanctimonious. The (Ms.)fortunes of life
leave us stronger, or just plain unhappy. People
such as the reviewer of this Film lack a valuable
sense of humor for getting by in life.
Will Romanelli
Portland
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Being Held In Portland
October 21 - 23,1994
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