Just out ▼ Se pte m b er 1991 ▼ 29
stayed inside for three weeks with her video
camera, TV set, and a pile of dirty clothes, churn­
ing out a heartfelt video rendition of her psyche
called Living Inside.
In Welcome to Normal a message is scrawled
on torn scraps o f paper taped to her window
reading, “W hat’s the sense in life if you can’t be
who you are?” The phrase is repeated and in­
serted with a shot of Benning in the mirror wear­
ing a bandanna. Continuing, she reflects on
being a tomboy: “It’s normal for boys to like
girls. I ’ve always wanted to be a boy...I suppose
in one way or another. I ’ve always liked girls.
I ’m going to be a woman who loves women.
Inside I just want to be myself.”
“My dad said to me, ‘You know, I ’m really
worried that all your work is just going to be on
one subject,” ’ Benning recalls, “and I was like,
‘Yeah, my life.’ He makes [experimental] films.
What are his films about? They’re about his life.
It just so happens that his sexuality isn’t some-
"In a happy world
it would not
matter if you
were gay.
Whoever you fell
in love with would
be okay."
thing that people are going to label or talk about
or say ‘H e’s the heterosexual artist.’ The art
world is not white, heterosexual, and male-domi­
nated anymore. There’s definitely homophobia
in the art world, but I don’t care. That’s not my
audience. My work right now is for gay and les­
bian people. We are starving for work.”
A youth
advocate
The autonomy, honesty, and sense of justice
that emerge from Benning’s videos are height­
ened by her political savvy. Believing that she
has the power to change things, she has become
an advocate for gay and lesbian youth, facilitat­
ing a rap group and appearing on a Milwaukee
talk show as an out lesbian.
“I really like working with the kids because I
totally identify with what they’re going through,
except I was just lucky to have a family that was
accepting,” she says. “Gay kids are killing them­
selves.
“When I show the kids in the youth group the
videos I’m working on,” she continues, “they are
so happy to hear a voice, because we are cheated
out of that our whole life. We don’t really have
the gay childhood that we deserve-like being
able to go to the prom with your girlfriend or
walk hand in hand in the hallway or just grow up
not feeling ashamed or isolated or shunned from
the rest of society. I didn’t get to do all those
things. I ’m 17 years old, and I'm just now feel­
ing like I don’t have to be ashamed.”
A Place Called Lovely, Benning’s current
work in progress, deals with what she considers
the general state of the world. “I think in a happy
world, it would not matter if you were gay,” she
asserts. “Whoever you fell in love with would be
okay, regardless of gender. I want a world that
isn’t so fucked up.
“We think we’re so intelligent, and we have
all this technological stuff, but I d o n ’t think
we’re using it in a way that’s helping ourselves.
W e’re damaging everything. The media is just
the most disgusting thing I have ever seen, and
everything is so controlled by things way out of
our hands. You’re raised to think there’s justice,
and then you realize that it’s not true. It’s a lie.
I want to change the way things are.”
First published in The Advocate, issue 573,
March 26,1991. Reprinted with permission.
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Phoenix Rising Presents
Documentaries
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An educational service at the University of Wisconsin is
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ocumentary videos on AIDS educa­
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This video is designed for secondary students,
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The videos on AIDS, entitled AIDS or Eighty
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AIDS or Eighty Something is recommended as
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