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Between the lines
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Mi»Lu A 4 Su ite
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C up« L dA ur
tusarme Kuif
M elisse Callatun
Lañare de Heme.
H venm ar. h m anne fü n f
A d v e rü sa g D ire c to r
Yvonne MotnmoreU.
bran: f ether Cornue Armour one Ireotnt
Comeos
Production Director
PHOTO BY ANTHONY LEDBETTER
Caria Jear. Lóeme)
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Littlejohn Keogh
An open letter to a closed mind
P ro o fre a d e r
Melissa CaUisun
Rupert KunrtarC. E Arm H más
This may be difficult fo r you to comprehend, but w ere a
thousand times more embarrassed by you than you are by us
then you’re “really” not gay, anyway.
And stop snickering at my button. If you
haven’t seen one before than you must be either
o me a favor. Please Don't pick me out
illiterate or unable to afford a radio or televi
of die crowd at the bar in order to subject
sion. If you think pink triangles are funny,
me to a 20-mmute dissertation on how you’re maybe you should consider joining up with
“really not gay. just confused." Frankly. Mr. Lyndon La Rouche. And don’t you dare cop a
Macho, I don’t give a damn. And slop glancing
condescending attitude about those of us with
over my shoulder. I doubt very much the
AIDS or HIV positive blood. Honey, you have
“homo spotter" task force is sneaking around
a disease much more deadly.
with hidden cameras. Look, it isn't that I don’t
While I ’m at it, don’t bother telling me
enjoy talking with new people. It’s just that I
twenty minutes into your monologue that you
don’t particularly care to talk to you.
lied to me about your real name. I have no
So please don’t tell me how your family
problem with that. I can think of lots of things
would just die if they even suspected you might
to call you. And no, I certainly do not know
be . . . well, you know. Those of us who are
anyone who would be interested in being your
openly gay don’t have die slightest notion of
“date” for a family wedding or the office
the fears and anxieties associated with coming
Christmas party. Personally, I’d rather be
out to parents We weren’t bom and raised in
forced to have sex with Anita Bryant.
the traditional manner. We just sprang up. fully
Now how did I already know that you
grown, m cabbage patches.
campaigned for Bush and Quayle? And that
And please don’t think you’re compliment
you’re a registered Republican? Go figure. But
ing me when you say I don’t “look like one." I
please don’t refer to yourself as an enlightened
find that comment not only offensive, but
conservative. That’s a non sequitur. Try
incredibly stupid. Despite your misconcep
pompous ass.
tions, you can’t usually "spot one of us a mile
If I hear you say, “What I do in the privacy
away ." And dus habit you have of smugly
of my bedroom is nobody’s business and I
looking around the bar and picking out four or
don’t intend on shouting it to the world” one
five people you don’t find attractive then
more time. I’ll seriously consider taking a
referring to them as faggots, bull dykes and
picture of you and sending it to the local paper
disgusting queers with whom you will not be
with a caption that reads "Gay homophobe
identified, is almost as repulsive as you are.
demands the right to be a homo (but only in the
They are not the reason you can’t come out of
privacy o f his own room)." Gee. won’t your
the closet (although you may be a reason for
enlightened conservatives let you do that? Not
them to consider going back in). Are you
even if you spend the rest of your time openly
always this obnoxious? Or do gay atmospheres
advocating the enforcement of sodomy laws
just bring out the best in you?
and trying to get an ordinance passed restricting
Look. I’m not a bad person. And I don’t go
gay people to certain jobs, accommodations and
out very often. So when I do, please stop
housing?
telling me all about that old queen in the comer
I don’t understand why people in the closet
who won’t stop cruising you. First of all, he’s
always tell us about this privacy thing. What
NOT even looking ai you. He’s cruising that
do you think we do when we’re not running
cute guy standing a couple o f feet in back of
around making it more difficult for people like
you. Actually, no offense (well, maybe a little),
you? Meet in a parking lot and decide which
but I don’t see one person in this whole place
one of your bedrooms we’re going to bug this
paying the least bit of attention to you. But
week. Trust me. We have any number of
BY
Luma Cohen
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Rohm beratei
Jock Riley
Shoe Silver
L r 7 amaius
Rex Wockner
Laura White
brodle) Woodworth
Jeffrey Zmrlmden
Cyd Athens
R<a bechdok
Roc barrim
Terry buughner
Nancy Lyn L eft
Renard Francis
Lee Lynch
Norman Never s
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NANCY
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DEFINE
other things to worry about. So if you have to
spout off about privacy, go tell it to a judge.
Preferably one sitting on die Supreme Court
Better yet, stop by the office o f any number of
your Republican Senators. Or go to Georgia.
There’s a man named Hardwick who would
love to hear your views on the subject
And while you’re at it, you should consider
writing to Virginia Apuzzo and Harvey
Fierstein about the harm being done by all this
openly gay stuff. I'm sure once you explained
to them that normal people would allow us to
live (under certain conditions X if we just
stopped being so pu blic, they’d crawl quietly
back to their closets and start writing about real
issues like the terrible way the press treated
Dan Quayle during the campaign and how
those slanderous attempts to portray Liberace
as a homosexual were really part of a commu
nist plot to take over the world. H ell every
body knows Mrs. Gorbachev is personally
funding ACT UP. She got the idea from Nancy
Reagan’s “Just Say No" campaign.
Get a grip on yourself. I hardly think major
corporations send their people into local gay
bars in order to ferret out the “undesirables."
Well, maybe some like MCI or Kellogg’s do.
But if you see someone you know from work,
they’re probably just as “confused" as you are.
Finally, there is no need for you to hide
behind the dog food display if you happen to
spot one of us at the grocery store. Believe me,
wc will not, as you so delicately put it, expose
you. Wc arc just as concerned as you that as
few people as possible know that you are
“really homosexual, not confused.” This may
be difficult for you to comprehend, but we’re a
thousand times more embarrassed by you than
you are by us. After a ll we do have some
pride.
Come to think o f it, that’s what this is all
about So. come on. Do me a favor. Pick
someone else out of the crowd. Or go soak
your head in your beer. But whatever you do,
keep your misguided opinions to yourself. If
you won’t help us by standing up, at least do us
the favor of shutting up.
Define Lx a regular columnist fo r numerous gay
newspapers across the country as well as a
contributor to such magasines as Christopher
Street. The Advocate, Lesbian Ethics, LesCon
and RFD, among others