Portland hosts P/FLAG
regional conference
_____
"New Frontiers for the 90s" hopes to reach beyond active city-
based chapters to the small towns and rural areas of the region
BY
A N N D E E
H O C H M A N
he phone call eight years ago gave
Norma Walters a double helping of
unexpected news. Her daughter was being
discharged from the U.S. Navy. The reason
for the discharge: she was a lesbian.
Walters phoned a contact number for
Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays,
attended a meeting and began to ask
questions. Today she serves on the board of
the local chapter.
“I was in a pretty bad way because I didn’t
have much information. The group helped in
getting me away from the stereotypes. I read a
lot. And getting to know a lot of the gay
people was the most helpful to me.”
In an upcoming conference of the Pacific
Northwest region of P/FLAG, Walters and
other members of the Portland chapter hope to
extend that support to more parents, especially
those outside of urban areas.
One of the goals of the conference, titled
“New Frontiers for the 90s,” is to find ways of
reaching beyond active city-based chapters to
the small towns and rural areas of the region,
which includes Oregon, Washington, Idaho,
Montana, Alaska and western Canada.
Marge Work, newly elected regional
director of P/FLAG, wants to focus on places
— such as the Oregon coast — where gay
men, lesbians and their parents may believe
there is no one who shares their concerns.
“We have isolated parents who really need
to be in touch with other parents,” she said.
“It’s frustrating because you know there are
parents out there, and you want to reach
them.” When gay and lesbian issues receive
attention in Dear Abby columns or on
nationally televised talk shows, national P/
FLAG offices in Denver and Washington,
D.C. receive thousands of phone calls. As
regional contact, Work fields about 30 calls
each month from gay men, lesbians and their
parents.
Whether parents of gay children live in
urban centers or tiny rural towns, they share
many of the same feelings, said Work and
other members of Portland P/FLAG.
AIDS is a universal concern among
parents of gay men, and parents with lifelong
religious ties may find themselves suddenly
pitted against their church’s intolerance of
homosexuality.
Another ongoing issue is parents’
willingness to be “out," whether in
discussions about their children or in response
to homophobic remarks by friends or
strangers.
“Too often, we hear something and we
wince, but we don’t say anything,” said
Catherine Shuck, the mother of a gay son and
president of the Portland P/FLAG chapter.
“We hope to help people respond to those
things in a positive manner.”
Marge Work remembers the occasion,
while attending a seminar three years ago.
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when she mentioned her involvement with P/
FLAG to another participant. Later the
woman invited Work to have dinner and,
during the meal, confided that her daughter
was a lesbian. She had never told anyone
before.
"That was my realization that I was going
to talk about this as frequently and as
naturally as it came up in the conversation.”
Work said. But she recognizes that other
parents may feel apprehensive or tongue-tied
when confronted with similar situations.
“All of us have a hard time, if we’re
around someone who doesn’t know [about a
son’s or daughter’s sexual orientation] and
they tell a joke or make some kind of hurtful
statement. It’s hard to know what to say. I tell
parents to practice,” she said.
The national P/FLAG Federation includes
246 chapters and maintains contact people in
almost every state. In Portland, the group
meets on the fourth Wednesday of each month
and considers its mission three-fold: to
support gay sons, lesbian daughters and their
families; to challenge myths about
homosexuality and to work toward gay rights.
The passage of Ballot Measure 8 in 1988,
which revoked Gov. Neil Goldschmidt’s order
banning discrimination against lesbians and
gay men in state hiring and services, both
catalyzed and sobered P/FLAG members,
Work said.
“For some, it made it harder because they
felt it was validation of all the negative things
they heard from society,” she said.
To combat those damaging stereotypes,
Work urges parents to attend local P/FLAG
meetings, where they will likely meet others
at the same stage of adjustment.
“We hope to get our parents more
comfortable about being open,” said Shuck.
“From my own experience, I know this is not
easy to do. I have a son who is very out of the
closet, so I get a lot o f support.”
The conference, scheduled for May 5 at
the Portland Inn, will include workshops on
religious issues, community outreach and
“positive response to negative statements.” A
lesbian couple with a child will lead a
discussion of “our new families,” and a
special seminar the following morning will
deal with AIDS and family support.
Conference organizers hope to stress the
role of extended family in the lives of gay
men, lesbians and their parents — “family”
that may include grandparents, colleagues,
neighbors, friends and other P/FLAG
members.
“We are the most pro-family group you
could ever find,” Work said. “We want to see
families together, not see them driven apart by
this issue.”
For more information about the confer
ence, contact Catherine Shuck at 223-0960.
The Portland P/FLAG hotline number is
232-7676.
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