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C O M IN G NEXT
M O N TH ...
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Sue Standard Davis
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Traditional family values" inconsistent
with reality
____
The upstanding, church-going, traditional family man is the
person most likely to be a wife and child abuser
B Y
PLAIN
ANSWERS
M
I V Y
YOUNG
want to talk today about Reverend
Sheldon’s fierce determination to preserve
“traditional family values” and how those
values really play themselves out in American
family life today.
The “traditional family”: father-
breadwinner; mother-homemaker; and the
children. That construct of the nuclear family
defines approximately 10 percent of American
families today. Ninety percent of us, then live
outside Sheldon’s view of how the world
should be.
So how do Americans define family?
According to a 1989 poll conducted by the
Massachusetts Mutual Life Insurance
Company, the majority of those surveyed (74
percent) defined family, not in a legalistic
sense, but by function, as a group of people
who love and care for one another.
For lesbians and gay men that definition is
no different. For us, family is a social
institution of inclusion, not exclusion.
Perhaps we are more fortunate than most; we
get to choose our families. And the families
we create are not, as Representative William
Dannemeyer would have you believe,
“...filled with despair.” On the contrary, in
our families there is a keen sense of joy and
celebration. Because despite the ravages of
hatred, and in the face of virulent
homophobia, we create and sustain gentle and
nurturing unions.
As for our children, there are thousands
and thousands of them in this country who are
part of lesbian and gay families. We hope we
are teaching our children the values of love
and compassion, not bigotry and hatefulness.
We hope we are teaching our children not just
to tolerate, but to respect and celebrate the
diversity of life on this planet.
Let’s look at what is happening in many of
Sheldon’s “traditional families” in America
today.
Fifty percent of American marriages end in
divorce. According to the National Coalition
Against Domestic Violence, three to four
million women a year are abused by their
husbands or boyfriends; every 18 seconds a
woman is battered by her spouse; 30 percent
of female homicide victims die at the hands of
I
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their husbands or boyfriends. That’s four
women a day who die as a result of domestic
violence. Spousal abuse, according to the US
Surgeon General, is the number one cause of
injury to women in the US.
I won’t burden you with all the current
statistics on child abuse and sexual assault.
Here are just a few: according to a survey
conducted by Richard Gelles and Murray
Strauss, mere than 10 parents per one thous
and said they beat their child at least once a
year. And, every year, one child in one thous
and faces a parent with a weapon.
It’s interesting to note that according to the
National Coalition Against Sexual Assault,
the typical incestuous family tends to be that
family which rigidly adheres to traditional
family roles and gender stereotypes. And the
upstanding, church-going, traditional family
man is the person most likely to be a wife and
child abuser. Here is that “traditional family”
value as expressed by Sheldon: “I love my
children, though I ’ve broken a lot of yard
sticks over their butts. They never hit me
back. That was often the only way I could
control them.”
It seems Sheldon’s definition of family is
found in the first entry under family in the
Oxford English Dictionary: “the servants of a
house.”
Unfortunately, the statistics I’ve cited are
the reality of what is happening in thousands
of homes across this nation. These are not the
family values lesbians and gay men wish to
perpetuate.
Let’s look now at some of the efforts the
Coalition for Traditional Values has made in
its attempt to “strengthen and support” the
family.
In California, CTV has urged its followers
to oppose a state child care bill similar to the
federal measure that garnered overwhelming
support in Congress. Does that stance by CTV
aid the thousands of working parents in
California who struggle daily to find
adequate, affordable daycare for their
children? Does it strengthen those families?
Again in California, the Coalition for
Traditional Values vehemently opposes a bill
that would recognize Vesper Marriages. The
idea of V esper marriage has been put forward
as a way to resolve some of the problems
faced by many of our senior citizens. Widows
and widowers who find companions to share
the autumn of their lives, are threatened with
the loss of pensions and other entitlements if
they remarry. Vesper marriage would
recognize the relationships those elders create,
while not jeopardizing the benefits they so
desperately need. But, CTV says absolutely
no. Sheldon says he speaks for compassion
and righteousness. Where is the compassion
in that opposition.?
Needless to say, CTV cohorts in San
Francisco led the charge against the Domestic
Partnership Ordinance that was unanimously
passed by that city’s Board of Supervisors.
(The law was repealed by a mere 1,700 votes.)
What was the danger as perceived by the
Coalition for Traditional Values? The
ordinance provided only that unmarried
couples, heterosexual and homosexual, could
register as a couple and declare their com
m itm ent It also provided bereavement leave
and hospital visitation rights to those same
committed couples. Is that such an enormous
threat?
Is Sheldon’s “traditional family” so fragile
that it could not survive the mere thought of
an unmarried partner v isitin ^ iis or her lover
in a hospital?
Finally, I would ask you to think back to
other times when the call to defend traditional
values filled the air. “Kinder, Kirke, Kuche”
(Children, Church and Kitchen) was the cry of
fascists in Europe as they exterminated all
those who were different. Much closer to
home, and unfortunately, not too long ago
men like Bull Connor, Ross Barnett, George
Wallace and Lester Maddox also urged their
followers to uphold the traditional values that
allowed racism and bigotry to flourish in this
country.
Threats to the American family do not
come from the desire o f lesbians and gay men
to create loving relationships. No, the threat
to the family is poverty and economic
injustice, ignorance and inadequate education,
homelessness and hunger. Let Sheldon and
the Coalition for Traditional Values put what
energy and resources they have into
combatting these scourges o f American
family life. W e would all benefit from that
agenda.
▼
Ivy Young is director o f the National Gay
and Lesbian Task Force’s Family Project.
The above statement was delivered at a press
conference in Washington, D.C., on January
26. The press conference was held in
opposition to the Coalition for Traditional
Values and the Rev. Louis Sheldon.
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