Just out
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c o n t e n t s
Steppin’ O ut
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Letters ............................... 3
What's going on here . . . 4
AIDS 1 0 1 ............................ 5
Between the lines ............. 6
Just B r ie f s .......................... 7
Just News .......................... 8
Profile.................................... 15
Fiction ..................................16
Out About T o w n .................. 18
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B o o k s .................................... 24
M u s ic .................................... 25
Television ............................ 26
Amazon Trail ....................... 27
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Renee LaChance and Jay Brown
Editor Jay Brown
Calendar Editor Littlejohn Keogh
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Sandra De Helen
Staff Reporters
Anndee Hochman
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In honor of Black
History Month, we
salute the lifelong work
of the lesbian African-
American human
rights activist and poet
Pat Parker.
(Pat Parker died of cancer in
the spring of 1989.)
Diana Cohen
Contributors
Ed Schiffer
Lee Lynch
Sara Edelstein
Jeri Dilno
Dr. Tantalus
Alan Seally
Sandra DeHelen
Cathy Siemens
Jack Riley
Jeffrey Zurlinden
Bradley J. Woodworth
Turning g a y
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When you wonder why we need political rights or complain
about donating to yet another cause, try remembering a time in
your life when you thought you must be the only person in the
world who felt the way you were feeling
B
Y
J E R I
D I L N O
hen did you turn gay?" Have you
ever been asked this question? It was
the most often asked question when I spoke at
classes and other groups. A simple question
that exposes a level of misunderstanding that
most people have when it comes to the subject
of our lives. I know of no one who got up one
day, looked in the mirror and declared, "I
think I ’ll become a lesbian today.”
The general public seems to have the
impression that we choose our sexuality as
simply as we choose what we will wear to
work. This assumption lies at the base of
many arguments against our right to live and
work in society. I have found that even many
who are sympathetic to our issues believe that
we somehow choose our sexual orientation. It
is an important distinction: the difference
between choosing our sexuality and choosing
to accept our sexuality. After the process of
coming out, the task of educating family and
friends to this distinction is important to
gaining their understanding of who we are.
When I was 16, a junior in high school, I
had the normal experience of having crushes.
In my case, the subjects of my passion were
other young women in my class. Because I
had no frame of reference for these feelings, I
had no idea what they meant. But I knew that
I should not talk about them in the same way
my friends were discussing their feelings
W
about the young men.
In my English class we were seated
alphabetically, placing me at the end of the
row that was headed by the Aldrich Twins.
Joanne and Karen were stunning in my eyes.
They were popular. I was a shy wallflower. I
worshipped them from afar, never daring to
even talk to them.
One day, the English teacher was returning
our test papers. As he called a name, the
students would go up to his desk to pick up
their paper. My name was called. I went to
the front of the room, picked up my test, and
turned to go back to my seat. Joanne Aldrich
smiled at me! I blushed. I stammered. I
stepped into the wastebasket and sprawled at
the feet of both the Aldrich Twins.
I have watched this scene played many
times in several variations in movies as an
expression of puppy love, but the characters
are always young men stammering in the
presence of young women. It took me many
years to understand that my experience in that
English class was normal. I did not "turn
gay” that afternoon. My sexuality was
developing at the same pace as that of my co
students in class that day. The difference was
the societal acceptance of their experiences.
That moment in my life happened over 32
years ago. I would like to think that it would
be different today. I would like to believe that
today a young person would know what those
feelings meant, that there are resources for
them, places to talk freely about their crushes.
If I need any motivation for working for equal
rights, I recall that moment, which caused me
great shame, and think how different my teen
years could have been. Those years are
difficult enough without the added confusion
of feelings no one would talk about, much less
acknowledge as being normal.
There is evidence that many unexplained
suicides among young people can be traced to
feelings of fear and confusion about their
sexuality. Efforts like those o f Dr. Virgine
Uribe in the Los Angeles school system
expose the fact that most teens who have gay
or lesbian feelings are still struggling in a
world that will not recognize their
experiences. When you wonder why we need
political rights or complain about donating to
yet another cause or campaign, try
remembering a time in your life when you
thought you must be the only person in the
world who felt the way you were feeling.
With all the changes of the past 35 years, I
know there are still young women and men
out there who are as baffled as I was when the
Aldrich Twins caused m e to blush and
stammer.
In the early ’70s, one o f the stated goals of
an energetic gay and lesbian political
movement was to provide positive role
models for those young people who had only
the most negative stereotypes as a backdrop
for their experiences. Today, the crisis of
AIDS has added another obstacle to the
process of coming out successfully. Today,
the goal of providing positive role models and
a safe emotional environment is even more
important.
▼
Jeri Dilno’s column, "Turning Point,’’
appears regularly in Gay Lesbian Nation
(GLN) published in San Diego.