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No apologies necessary
The sexual freedoms won and the sexual choices made
by gays in the past are now being judged morally wrong
and regrettable. This is a health concern , not a moral one
don't regret the sex I enjoyed in the '70s
and early '80s. I eagerly experienced the
opportunities offered by the sexual revolution,
emerging gay rights and related choices.
The sexual options were (and still are)
important to all of us. whether or not we
choose to take advantage of them. I definitely
took advantage of all the opportunities
available to me. It was great! I believe that all
sex is great — intimate or anonymous,
romantic or furtive, playful or deviant. I loved
it all and I did it all as often as I could,
especially the adventurous, playful, and
deviant. I still love it and play as much as pos
sible.
Now, however, in the depths of the AIDS
crisis, safer, more restrictive sex is the only
responsible kind for all of us to experience.
Gone is the abandon of the '70s. Today’s
sexual restraints are necessary if we are to live
through this health crisis. I applaud the varied
and continual efforts in recent years to make
us aware of the risks of certain sexual
practices. Some social behaviors have also
been discouraged because they can lead to or
encourage unsafe, unhealthy sex.
Dating has replaced one-night tricks.
Relationships have replaced anonymous
contacts. Monogamy has replaced orgies and
the baths. Condoms have replaced drugs.
Health officials have recognized that the gay
community has responsibly made the
necessary changes which have resulted in
greatly reduced transmission of AIDS among
us. As a community, we recognized the
problems, accepted responsibility and
changed our sexual habits We can be proud of
those accomplishments.
But being proud does not mean that we
have to apologize for ‘the good old days.” I
i
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am seriously distressed by the increasing
number of gay persons, leaders and
publications which seem horrified when
recalling the sexual explorations and
celebrations of the 1970s. Our self-proclaimed
guardians wonder how we could have been so
bad all those years.
“ Never again,” they say, and imply that if
we can make it through this crisis, we promise
never to be so “ bad” again.
I am suspicious of making bargains by
showing what repentant, reformed, good little
boys we can be in order to appease the
Establishment. That does nothing but
reinforce the right-wing political and religious
views that AIDS is what we deserve because
of the sexual options we have explored.
Some gays seem almost eager to combine
guilt and moral reform with AIDS treatments
and research. I can understand that our critics
moral one; we must not fail to make that dis
tinction.
Romance, monogamy and cerebral
relationships are different from promiscuity
and sexual exploration. But they are not better
nor more moral. “ Unhealthy and dangerous”
are not the same as “ evil and wrong.” A full
sexual life should include a balance of
options: intimacy, relationships, sensuality
and sexual variety, and exploration.
I will not apologize for my participation in
the sexuality of the liberated '70s. I especially
will not apologize for enjoying the variety and
exploration. Such activities can be unhealthy
and dangerous now, but I sure as hell do not
apologize for them. And I worry that others
are apologizing for me and moralizing to me.
We are all anxious for the AIDS crisis to be
over. When that happens, I will eagerly return
to the legendary sexual options of the '70s.
In the meantime, let us not confuse health
concerns and our freedom of choice with
judgmental morality.
▼
Editor's note: This essay was originally
published by Frontiers. West Hollywood's gay
and lesbian newsmagazine. It has been edited
fo r brevity .