CRONE MAGIC
Treasures of the past
CRYSTALS & GEMS
GODDESS CRAFTS
SPIRITUAL ACCESSORIES 1
Regardless o f the paucity of great albums released in 1987,
the Doctor announces the winners o f the first
Doctor Tantalus Elektra Awards.
B
Y
D R
T A N T A L U S
ot all years are created equal. Reporters
have had a field day during the past 12
months covering the likes of winsome Jim
Bakker, outrageous Olliemania, Gorby fever,
Irangate and George “ I-am-not-a-wimp”
Bush. Nor were women left out as America got
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All three come together in “ U Got the Look”
— one of the year’s best songs.
All in all, the man is a genius — a twisted
genius, perhaps, but hey, that’s all the more
reason to buy his albums.
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© 1987
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its bimbeaux redux: Fawn Hall and Donna
Rice. Runners-up in this closely contested race
were Tammy Faye Bakker, who lost points for
trying so dam hard, and Jessica Hahn, who
must feel terrible that Jim left her for Tammy.
The record business, by way of contrast, has
not produced an exciting year. Sure, records are
selling like mad and compact discs are raking in
obscene profits, but this has never been news.
The Doctor was tired of Sean and Madonna
before they grew tired of each other. The Who
announced a comeback tour to prolonged
yawns. Even Mozart had the bad taste to die 196
years ago, thus preventing an evocative yet
sensitive exploration of his life and work in this
column by way of obituary. Michael Jackson
has yet to give us the whole story on how he
became the black Ethel Merman.
Instead, it was a year to catch up on 1986
favorites that slipped through the cracks: Anita
Baker’s Rapture, Steve Winwood’sflac/t in the
High Life and Robert Cray’s Strong Persuader
were frequently heard as soul took center stage.
Even Peter Gabriel’s great 1986 album So had
soul in mind.
Having noted the relative paucity of great
albums this year, we can now progress to the
winners of the first Doctor Tantalus Elektra
Awards for superior aural achievement during
1987.
1. The Joshua Tree (U2): Rock -and-roll
does not produce albums more apocalyptic than
this one. Between Bono's wailing and The
Edge’s playing, U2 creates a sound that sug­
gests the creation of the cosmos. Of all the
songs written recently about Nicaragua, only
’ ‘Bullet the Blue Sky” captures the grand
thread of horror that links the United States with
death in Central America. In any year this
would have been a good record. In 1987 it
became a great record as few groups had the
vision and the talent to keep pace.
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2. Sign o ’ the Times (Prince): Stranger,
badder and better than ever, the irrepressible
Prince steams on. with Sheila E. on drums and
triends such as The Bangles sitting in just for
fun The result is a melange of material from the
man who has put sex into records like it never
was there before. The Doctor admits that he gets
a little obscene from time to time, but minute-
for-minute Prince packs more lust into the
average record groove than anyone since Ray
Charles sang “ What'd I Say.”
What seems to have escaped this student of
sexual poses is why Prince feels compelled to
record some of these songs falsetto or through a
synthesizer, or both. And why list the lead
vocalist as “ Camille” when we all know it’s
Prince in his falsetto disguise. And this man
dares call himself a heterosexual? In “ I Was
Your Girlfriend'' Prince takes the place of his
girl to see how the roles are played in reverse,
although Irom every indication Prince seems to
need no instruction.
In between the mind games you can listen to
Prince’s outstanding guitar playing, his nod
toward pure funk and his love of a good hook.
3. Substance (New O rder): Frankly, it’s
unfair to allow a greatest-hits record to compete
against new products (and let’s face it, many
new records are the aural equivalent of dog
food), but who said life was fair? First, you
generally get the extended dance versions of
these songs. Second, on the CD you get all the
flip sides of these same great hits. Who could
ask for anything more?
The Doctor is aware that Substance con­
stitutes merely “ dance music” to some, and
that you will not find any great singers lurking
behind these tunes. Instead, you will simply
find the most sophisticated sound around — it’s
perfect whether you are conducting that emer­
gency open-heart surgery after a night of
Thunderbird or simply vacuuming the rug
where Junior decided to bake chocolate-chip
cookies for the first time. But like some
medicines, it is best left alone during meals
when your blood is heading toward your
stomach and not your feet.
4. Tunnel o f Love (Bruce Springsteen): We
all know that Bruce gets hyped to death, but
underneath it all he is still one of the greatest
rockers of our era. It is hard to believe that it has
been twelve-and-a-half years since he simul­
taneously appeared on the covers of Newsweek
and Time, because the songs he releases today
are as good as the ones that made him famous.
Tunnel o f Love is not the album of pop singles
that catapulted Born in the U.S.A. into the
stratosphere, but that appears to be Springsteen’s
point. Although he could release an album of
“ fast” tunes, he prefers to hold back, to make
his points with a modicum of subtlety and to
draw the listener slowly into the musical world
he has created. The highlight here is the title
track, which ends not with the usual platitude,
but with the admonition that love sometimes
requires one to “ learn to live with what you
can’t rise above.” For his refusal to accept easy
answers and for his sheer integrity, Bruce
Springsteen cannot be left off this year’s list.
Honorable mentions this year include 10,000
Maniacs' In Our Tribe and the Pretenders' Get
Close. The Doctor begs off on the recent Bo
Deans album simply because Christmas got
way out of control this year and there has not
been an opportunity to adequately reflect
upon it.
This year’s dance singles are fairly predict­
able. At the top of the list towers New Order's
True Faith,” followed closely by Madonna's
"Open Your Heart.” George Michael’s “ I
Want Your Sex” and the Fine Young Canni­
bals “ Ever Fallen In Love.” Extensive lobby­
ing efforts have been made on behalf of New
Order's "Bizarre Love Triangle,” but the
proterred gratuity was insufficient.
The only problem with reflecting on your
operations from the previous year is that later
you are bound to remember a rubber glove that
you left in the patient. So. if your favorite
album has been left out. perhaps The Doctor
will discover it next year.
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